The first-grader I mentor enjoys a simple, delicious game we play. For the first few minutes we meet, we ask one another questions—and with every answer comes an M&M.
This week we started off with me asking, “What’s your favorite color?” He answered, ate his M&M, and asked me, “What’s your favorite color?”
After my response, I slid him another M&M and asked, “What’s your favorite food?” He replied and asked, “What’s your favorite food?”
After a couple more duplicate volleys, I suggested that we ask each other different questions. “What’s it like to be a first-grader?” I said.
After he responded, I slid him an M&M, and he asked, “What’s it like to be old?”
In his book Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions on Raising the Perfect Parent, J. S. Salt compiled parenting advice from 147 kids. One child gave clear and simple counsel: “Help me with stuff I don’t understand.”
As a children’s ministry worker, Sunday school teacher, Christian educator, or parent, prepare yourself for questions children ask so you can help them with stuff they don’t understand. If you serve as a pastor, carefully consider if this discussion applies only to children (an obvious hint that it doesn’t).
Sounds like simple advice. But why don’t kids’ questions always excite us? Let’s probe that question a bit with another story from my own experience.
While leading a third-grade boys small group discussion one Sunday morning, I saw that we had only a minute left and said, “Guys, let’s pray before your parents come from big church.” The lesson plan specifically called for a prayer, and our group had finished every other activity for the day.
Before I started the prayer, one boy asked, “Mr. Dave, how can God hear all the groups pray if everyone prays at the same time?”
Did I stop to address his question and explain that God has the ability to hear all prayers? No.
Did I take a moment and say that God has so much love for every person that he wants to listen to each of us? No.
Did the thought even enter my mind that this might be an opportune moment to discuss a spiritual topic of genuine interest to this boy and others in the group? No. I maintained clear focus on the task in front of me and said, “Let’s not talk about that now because we need to pray.” After “Amen,” parents arrived to pick up their kids—and the question never came up again in that small group.
That incident serves to illustrate what happens when a question comes at a seemingly inconvenient time. A leader has the day’s lesson planned, and a question might distract the group from his or her agenda. I know firsthand that frustration too frequently becomes the common, unfortunate reaction to unexpected questions. Strong task orientation can leave little or no room for spontaneity—and questions, of course, tend to be spontaneous interruptions.
The solution is a conscious effort to welcome questions with enthusiasm, knowing that kids very often inquire because they have a desire to know or better understand. At its core, children’s ministry seeks to help kids know and better understand God. To that end, questions indicate progress and should always be taken seriously. A German proverb says, “To question a wise man is the beginning of wisdom.” Let’s resist the urge to feel frustrated when asked “Why?” for the umpteenth time or when sincere questions slow down—maybe even detour—a lesson or devotional time. In fact, let’s go so far as to be wary if a child never asks questions about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, heaven, or other spiritual topics—because that could mean a lack of interest or comprehension.
Willingness to spend a few extra moments to clarify concepts or provide further information might create an impact that extends for years—or an entire lifetime. In Megan’s testimony about becoming a Christian as a fourth-grader, her second sentence below deserves special attention:
“I started going to Promiseland [Sunday school] when I was in second grade. I had a really nice leader who answered a lot of my questions. Finally, in fourth grade, I admitted that I sin and believed that Jesus died for my sins. Then I asked Jesus to be my forever friend—and he still is.”
Questions often signal a faith turning-point because the questioner likely has an open, inquisitive mind about spiritual matters. The book of Acts contains numerous examples of queries posed just ahead of decisions to follow Jesus:
Acts 2:37: Following Peter’s impromptu sermon on Pentecost, many ask, “Brothers, what shall we do?” Three thousand people came to Christ that day.
Acts 8:34: The Ethiopian eunuch asks Philip, “Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?” A conversation about Jesus follows, as does a conversion and the eunuch’s baptism.
Acts 9:5: On the Damascus road, Paul asks, “Who are you, Lord?” Jesus himself answers Paul, who becomes a Christ-follower and devotes his life to sharing Jesus with others.
Acts 16:30: A Roman jailer asks Paul and Silas, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” The jailer and his family accept Christ, experience baptism that very night, and become part of Europe’s first church in their hometown of Philippi.
Reread those questions from Acts, and imagine how they might sound coming from a child in your Sunday school class or small group. How would they sound from a visitor to your church, a person who attends an outreach event, that neighbor you rake leaves with, or a family member at the holidays?
No matter the age, people young and old invite us into their lives when they ask questions. Welcome them no matter what—the person and the questions. Just remember that sometimes, the best answers come in tiny, bite-sized pieces. Like M&Ms.
David Staal, senior editor of the children’s ministry area for BuildingChurchLeaders.com and a mentor to a second-grade boy, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. Prior to this assignment, David led Promiseland, the children’s ministry at Willow Creek Community Church in Illinois. David lives in Grand Haven, Michigan, with his wife, Becky, son, Scott, and daughter, Erin. Interested in David speaking at your event? Click here.
This article is adapted from the chapter “Expect Questions” in David’s book Leading Kids to Jesus (Zondervan).
