Someone once said, “Forewarned is forearmed.” Single adults who are considering marriage need to understand that most couples tend to prepare more for their wedding day than for their marriage. There are a lot of excellent pre-marriage courses on the market today, but we believe that churches should encourage people to go a few steps beyond pre-marriage classes. Most single adults don’t fully understand that God has a mission for every marriage and that Satan has a plan to destroy every marriage and every mission. Given that, we have several suggestions for churches:
Encourage the pursuit of deeper intimacy with Christ. God intended every marriage to be the vessel through which the gospel of Christ flows into the world. But, in order for a marriage to live out God’s intent, single adults must actively pursue their individual intimacy with Christ by engaging in spiritual disciplines such as reading his Word, memorizing Scripture, prayer, worship, and fasting. Most marriages fail because one or both spouses neglect to nurture their daily relationships with God.
Provide ministries, resources, and small groups that help adults dig into their pasts and pursue healing. Approximately 90 percent of the couples in crisis to whom we minister have issues stemming from their families of origin, un-grieved losses, and/or wounds from past relationships. We encourage single adults to dig deeply into their childhoods and to focus on allowing God to heal their deep wounds and hurts. Churches should provide Bible studies, small groups, etc. that focus on wholeness and healing.
Encourage adults to glean from the struggles of others. Our approach may seem a little odd, but we have seen great benefits from encouraging single adults and engaged couples to observe crisis marriage classes such as Marriage 911, to listen to testimonies of restored marriages, and to read crisis marriage books together such as Marriage on the Mend (Bragg), Broken Heart on Hold (Rooks), Unfaithful (Shriver), and Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved (Williams). This tends to open their eyes to the struggles that many couples face and the ways to overcome those things. It also tends to broaden their perspective on marriage and encourages them to spend more time preparing for the reality of this lifetime commitment.
