For today’s entry in the Friday Five interview series, we catch up with Amanda Jenkins.
Amanda Jenkins is author ofConfessions of a Raging Perfectionist: Learning to be Free. Amanda is also a blogger at Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist.
Today we chat with Amanda about sweat pits, “chasing perfect,” and transparency.
What prompted you to write this book now?
God. He’d been convicting me for a number of years. Specifically tapping me on the shoulder about my obsession with beauty, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to let people see the real me. I ignored him for months. I didn’t know what NOT pursuing beauty would look like. Then one day I ran into a friend in the parking lot of our children’s school, and we chatted for a while. When I got back in my car, I realized I had a giant sweat pit coming through my clothes, obvious to anyone who may have glanced my way that morning. I was horrified and embarrassed, but God’s voice cut through in that moment and he said, “You can continue to fight this or you can get on board, but this mask is coming off.” I wondered, If he was going to give me sweat pits to force my authenticity, what else would he do? So right then and there, I said, “Ok, God, what? What is it you want to show me?” And twelve chapters worth of strangleholds began to unfold. That day in the car was my starting place on the road to understanding and experiencing freedom in Jesus, and it plays out in real time on the pages of my book. In other words, I wrote down what God was revealing to me about my heart/choices/priorities. Then I wrote as he changed me.
You married into a very creative family—was it intimidating to work on this project?
Sort-of. I didn’t show my father-in-law the manuscript until it was mostly done. I didn’t want to burden him with it or put him in an awkward situation if he didn’t like it. Honestly, though, I didn’t set out to write a book—it was more like a journal of what God was showing me, so I didn’t have an agenda. It was my husband that pushed for it to become a book. Truly, this has been a process of being sifted and changed by the Lord, and writing it down. The getting published part was an after-thought. And my father-in-law being proud of me was a cherry on top when all was said and done.
You are pretty open about your “raging perfectionism,” is this something a lot of women struggle with?
Absolutely, and many women don’t know it. The word “perfectionist” usually describes type-A personalities or control freaks. But the truth is that anyone who struggles with poor self-esteem, pride, or comparing themselves to someone or something else, can fall into raging perfectionism. Or as I sometimes call it, chasing perfect. We’re inundated with social media where everyone puts their best foot forward. Their best recipes, best pictures, best outfits, greatest accomplishments, happiest moments, etc. Not to mention the marketing, movies, and television shows that are also constantly setting impossible standards. We’re all just trying to catch up, and I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t feel that pressure in one way or another.
Does the church contribute to this problem at times?
In some ways, yes. I think the church isn’t always a transparent place. People assume everyone around them has it all together. And so we struggle alone, thinking no one will understand. We need to talk more. We need leaders who are willing to go first, confessing that they struggle, that they don’t always have the answers, and that they’re in desperate need of Jesus. Still, I’ve been a Christian since I was five, and I’ve never been more aware of my need for Jesus than I am now, at 37 years old. And according to my very authentic Nana, I’ll understand my need for him more and more as the years go by. The church needs to be a place of honesty, of coming alongside in our weaknesses, and of pointing one another back to the Bible.
If you could speak to church leaders, what advice would you give them in dealing with women who struggle with perfectionism?
Recognize how burdened women are by the pressure from the culture to be all things. Culture is calling us to be amazing moms with well behaved children, beautiful décor, and a garden in the back yard, while also being accomplished and recognized outside the home. To “do it all.” And to be skinny, beautiful, and well dressed while we do it. There’s tremendous pressure, and there’s no safe place to talk about it. We study Scripture in our small groups and we genuinely grow in the Lord—we do. But we’re simultaneously shackled by the culture we live in, and we often don’t see it. We need a shake up. We need to get honest about the stuff we’re struggling with—with ourselves, with the Lord, and with each other. My greatest hope for my book is that it gives women the courage and freedom to start talking. Because once we do, we find out we’re not alone. And there’s strength, encouragement, and accountability in numbers. God wants us to experience, not just say there’s freedom in Christ.
Daniel Darling is vice-president of communications for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. He is the author of several books, including his latest, Activist Faith.
