Friends, enjoy this interview from Drew with writer and speaker Jonathan Merritt. They chat about Jonathan's book Jesus is Better than You Imagined, Jonathan's sharing of childhood abuse and same-sex attraction, and how to talk about SSA issues in a polarized culture. -Paul
First question is about your book's title. Most people (even unbelievers!) think Jesus is pretty cool. How is he even better than you imagined?
Most people don't dislike Jesus, but many shrink back at the malformations of Jesus that some Christians perpetuate. This is the problem—not that the true Jesus is better than the true Jesus we've known. Rather, the true Jesus is better than the false or impartial Jesus that many of us have been following.
Growing up, I believed in a cardboard deity who was angry and arbitrary, fickle and temperamental. I believed in a God who needed constant sacrifice to keep his fits at bay. I believed in a God who was unable to laugh at my misguided attempts to live the "good life" and who leaned over my shoulder whispering, "Go ahead, but you'll pay for it." The God of the Bible, and the one we find in Jesus, is different from this God. Through this book, I hope to liberate people from these poor pictures of God and Jesus by painting a portrait of the One who actually exists.
You write about going through spiritual dry stretches. How were you able to find refreshment?
When one experiences spiritual emptiness often they don't need a new way to think about ‘who God is’, but a fresh encounter with the ‘God who is’.
By doing something entirely different than I thought I needed to do. Many Christians—myself included—when we find that the God handed us by someone else doesn't bring joy, contentment, peace, or fulfillment, think that we need to think about God in new ways. We begin constructing new theologies or at least following others who are concocting such things. But the answer for my spiritual emptiness was not primarily theological. It was experiential. I didn't need a new formula for God; I needed a tangible experience with the divine in my life. Or to put it another way, when one experiences spiritual emptiness often they don't need a new way to think about who God is, but a fresh encounter with the God who is.
We need a living encounter with a living God in order to find refreshment for our parched and thirsty souls.
You are transparent in your book about your sexual abuse as a child and your experience with same sex attraction. It very powerful, very vulnerable. Why did you feel it was important to tell that part of your story?
When I sat down to pen the book, I resisted sharing it. But how could I not? I hope it helps readers to connect with me on a deep level and perhaps inspire them to seek liberation from secrets in their own lives.
Jesus is better than we imagined because he can transform our sensitive secrets and turn them into places of freedom.
How could it not be important? I mean, can you imagine anything being more serious and difficult and trying than experiencing childhood sexual abuse? Can you envision anything more heart-wrenching than trying to sort out one's sexual orientation while refusing to abandon their pursuit of Jesus through an orthodox evangelical Christian faith? I can't.
But a more simple reason is the chronology of it all. My book begins with a prayer that God would "show up and surprise me." The prayer is followed by all kinds of crazy events—a friend dies from a rare, flesh-eating bacteria, and I get held at gunpoint in Haiti, and I feel compelled to travel to a desert monastery and take a vow of silence. But a few months into this journey, someone from my past made some insinuations about my sexual orientation online, which forced me to begin confronting these issues in my life. The experience taught me what it looks like to experience Jesus in honesty, and forced me to rely on him like never before. It showed me that Jesus is better than we imagined because he can transform our sensitive secrets and turn them into places of freedom. I don't think the timing here was coincidental.
Now that the story is out there, what has the response been?
Rather than see this as a faceless "issue" as in years past, people are realizing that these matters are deeply personal and are intertwined with actual lives.
It's been mostly positive. There were a few negative responses from people who identify as gay or lesbian who felt frustrated by me telling my story of abuse and struggle to understand my sexual orientation at the same time. I was clear that I don't know how or if the two events are connected, and I certainly don't assume that any sexual minority must have abuse in their past. This is just my story, and I had to tell it as I've lived it. It's messy, I know. But there it is. What has really been a blessing to me is the positive response from my fellow Christians. People are really sensitized to these issues right now. Rather than see this as a faceless "issue" as in years past, people are realizing that these matters are deeply personal and are intertwined with actual lives. So they've been respectful and encouraging, rather than trying to politicize or leverage my experiences. The Bride has proven herself faithful to me in this regard.
Are there things your church did that helped prepare you to face this kind of challenge?
In the midst of this process I moved to New York City, so your answer is a two-fold "yes and yes." My church in Georgia offered me unconditional love and grace on an order I've never known before. I would not be as spiritually, emotionally, and mentally healthy without the embrace of those brothers and sisters. My new church in New York has also been amazing. New York is a place where you can be honest with others about difficult issues like this and not worry about judgment. So the guys in my small group here have been amazing in challenging me and encouraging me. Also, my pastor here has been amazing. We meet regularly and his commitment to Scripture has propelled me to a deeper relationship with Jesus.
It's inspiring to hear the ways Christians have helped you. Have you had less than helpful responses?
Yes, I have had a few less than helpful responses. I got an email recently from the head of a conservative educational institution that I respect. He and his family have been close friends of my family since I was a child. He attempted via email to interrogate me on the matter without any sensitivity at all. I don't normally respond to people who only want to cross-examine me, and this was deeply hurtful given the depth of our relationship and history. It's sad that these issues transform well-meaning followers of Jesus into, well, insensitive jerks. It's not a good look, and it's even worse as a strategy for cultural and theological engagement.
We're in such a polarized climate when it comes to this issue. Any tips for how Christian leaders can talk about this issue with civility and grace?
No matter which side of the issue we find ourselves on, these are some good guidelines I think:
1) Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
2) Know the person before you attack the position. Forming relationships may not change your theology, but it will definitely shape your tone. It is possible to hold the position of Jesus without the posture of Jesus.
3) Stay calm. These issues are incredibly emotional. Progressives feel that these are matters of justice requiring rigorous advocacy. Conservatives feel that the Bible's integrity and the viability of the historic faith is at risk. This creates an emotionally super-charged debate that is too visceral to be beneficial. So work hard to remain calm.
4) Don't require from others what you refuse to offer yourself. The position of many on these matters is, "I'm totally convinced I'm 100% right about this. But you need to hold your views loosely and consider what I have to say." That's a conversational non-starter if I've ever seen one. No wonder we have a bunch of progressives and conservatives in isolated echo-chambers who talk past each other.
5) Keep it salty. This conversation has become "salty" in one sense. The right calls the left "heretics" who "don't believe the Bible." The left calls the right "oppressive" and "hateful bigots." We need to keep our language salty, but in the Colossians 4:6 sense: "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt …"
Drew Dyck is managing editor of Leadership Journal.
