Making Decisions as a Team

At the crossroads of a major decision, a congregant goes to the pastor for help.

"What do we do?"

We might ask the congregant some reflective questions. "What do you think you should do? How do you think God is leading?"

"No one can make this decision for you," we say. But what if we could? Not as pastors but as the church?

Then we may encourage the person to seek advice from those they trust. If we're feeling particularly bold we might give our opinion. Even then we speak tentatively, reminding them the decision is ultimately their own. Then we send them off with a prayer.

But consider where this leaves them: basically alone, abandoned to collect opinions and take or leave them as they see fit. They alone must make the decision. They alone are responsible for the consequences.

"No one can make this decision for you," we say. But what if we could? Not as pastors but as the church?

Lone rangers

Christians argue all day over how churches should make decisions. But what seems to require no discussion—what we all already agree on—is that personal decisions are best left to the individual.

This insistence on individual autonomy is founded upon the cultural conviction that we are each sovereign designers of our own destiny. As the oft cited poem "Invictus" puts it, "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

We exhibit this value every time we announce a major life decision rather than request prayer for it; every time we pretend our decisions don't affect anyone but ourselves; and every time we hide genuine concerns over the decisions of others behind platitudes and a smile.

I think we often want to help people navigate decisions, only we don't know how. Constrained by propriety, we give polite affirmations and rubber stamp whatever the individual is inclined to do.

Why do we abide such blatant paganism in the church? Our lives are not our own, and our decisions belong to Christ (Rom. 14:7-9; 1 Cor. 6:19; 2 Cor. 5:15). We are not free to act independently of others; we are members of a body (1 Cor. 10:17; 12:27). Inextricably bound together, there is nothing one of us does that does not affect all of us. (Rom. 12:5; Eph. 4:16). Because we are a body, we serve Christ best when we serve him together (Rom. 15:14; Col. 3:16; Heb 10:24-25). We hear God most clearly when we listen together (Matt. 18:18-20; 1 Cor. 14:29).

Constrained by propriety, we give polite affirmations and rubber stamp whatever the individual is inclined to do.

We know these things. What we don't know is what to do with them. Like the wedding day invitation to "Speak now or forever hold your peace," we have a vague sense they once meant a great deal, but now they ring hollow.

So what can we do?

What we require is an alternative set of practices that help us make decisions—decisions once considered personal and private—together.

At my church we asked, "As the body of Christ, what would it look like to serve one another during times of decision?"

What we came up with was a voluntary process of corporate discernment for congregants who desire help making a decision. I have no pretensions that this is the biblical model. Scripture doesn't specify precisely how Christians should make decisions together. But it does promote certain values. The following is merely our best effort to apply these values as a church.

Request permission

Things usually start with a prayer request. In most cases prayer and advice are all that's required. There are times, however, when Christians need more than this. Perhaps they stand at the junction of a major decision completely unsure what to do. Maybe they're supremely confident in what they should do, but other Christians have concerns. In these instances we offer help, "Will you let us discern this decision with you?"

Listen

Our first job is to listen. We must listen to the person and to God. In our church we believe the Spirit may speak to the situation prophetically, but that is certainly not the only way we hear him. The Spirit speaks through the variety of gifts he has bestowed on the body. Teachers help us grapple with Scripture's instructions. Those gifted with wisdom help us apply Scripture to the situation at hand. Pastoral gifts serve to shepherd those involved. Gifts like grace, mercy, hospitality, and service all provide crucial insights, allowing us to hear God's voice and to speak it in a way that can be heard.

Question

After listening we arrange a time to ask questions. This could take place during Sunday morning's worship, but it doesn't have to. The important thing is that everyone is invited (thus excluding the temptation to ask advice solely from those we know will agree with us).

You might think asking questions would be a non-threatening exercise. You'd be surprised! When a choice is considered "private," every question is a threat. Our cackles instinctively rise. "They don't know me!" We growl, "You have no right to ask me that!" Questions are indeed dangerous. They confront the isolated decision maker, exposing their blind spots, and bringing to light things they have purposely ignored. Questions also unmask the deceit that no one else will be affected by our choices. Hearing and answering questions is difficult but crucial.

Speak

Only after we have listened and asked questions do we speak. We give those participating a chance to express what they feel God would say through them. Not everyone has to have an opinion, and not every opinion is a simple yes or no. What matters is that those who have been a part of the process are invited to express both their affirmations and concerns. That is, they are asked to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15).

This is hard. Concerns are difficult to express, and potentially more difficult to hear. We speak tentatively, haltingly. This degree of vulnerability demands a difficult trust that the Spirit is at work in his gathered body.

Not every concern is sufficient to stall a decision (particularly when the concern is unspecific or unconfirmed). Still, even when they are off the mark, concerns expressed in love are the firm evidence of Christian friendship.

You might think this kind of straightforward honesty would invite offense and leave behind open wounds. Having participated in some variation of this process many times, I can testify that the consistent and overwhelming outcome has not been injury or offense, but a palpable sense of being cared for and loved.

Summarize

After we have listened, prayed, questioned, prayed, spoken, and prayed some more, a pastor will try to summarize what we've heard God say. This is not always straightforward. When there is no clear consensus and no major concerns, we simply acknowledge this and commit to support whatever decision is made.

Ethan and Rachel

A couple in our church, Ethan and Rachel, have graciously allowed me to share their story. Ethan has long felt called to pastoral ministry. So when a church across town offered him a paid ministry position it seemed like an obvious answer to prayer.

However, when they sought out counsel, the responses were mixed. Some encouraged Ethan to take the job; others advised caution. Ethan and Rachel thanked everyone for their advice. Then they decided to take the job.

Questions are indeed dangerous. They confront the isolated decision maker, exposing their blind spots, and bringing to light things they have purposely ignored.

Even though the job opportunity was not a secret, many in the church were surprised when the couple announced one Sunday that they would be leaving. There were many people in the church who loved this couple, depended on them, and cared for them. Having been participants in Ethan and Rachel's life, they were dramatically affected by this decision. Now they were hurt that Ethan and Rachel had made this monumental decision without fully including them in it. Not only that, some were concerned this move might not be the best thing for Ethan and Rachel.

Faced with the backlash when they announced their decision, Ethan and Rachel took a step backward. They put the decision on hold and invited the church to discern with them.

Ethan and Rachel were beloved by our church. When the church was just starting out, they opened their house, inviting us to meet there each week for worship. This couple had poured themselves into our church, and the church responded in kind. So, you can imagine it was hard to hear that that they felt called to leave us.

When Ethan was offered that job, he saw it as God's provision. Money had been tight. A baby was on the way. This new job would allow him to exercise his gifts and provide for his family. Obviously this was God's will. But not everyone was so sure.

There were some in our community who didn't see God behind it. A few had a general sense of uneasiness. Others had more specific concerns about the motivation, the ministry role, and the life changes it would require. Meanwhile, Ethan and Rachel remained convinced that God had called them to this.

So now what?

When there is disagreement between the individual and the body, especially when concerns are serious and numerous, we invite submission. In this instance we explained that submission would mean delaying the move until these concerns had been worked through. We acknowledged this could take a while, and since the job offer had a timeline, it would likely mean passing it up.

This is why we discern decisions together—because we as the body of Christ are called to live them out together.

In Ethan and Rachel's case, we said "If you decide to leave without working through these concerns, we'll still love you. We'll pray for you and bless you as you go, but we'll do so with heavy hearts."

Ethan and Rachel left that final meeting intent on taking the job. They were thankful for the church's care and concern, but they disagreed with the conclusion. Then in the course of the next week God changed their minds. I can't say we convinced them, and I wouldn't want to.

Why did they change their minds? I really believe we hear God best when we listen together. By submitting to discern their decision with the church, Ethan and Rachel put themselves in a position to hear God.

Today they're glad they did. Ethan recently told me, "We thought for sure we were supposed to take that job. But after submitting, found that we needed the body more than we knew. We would have made the wrong decision if we hadn't heard from our brothers and sisters."

What about the baby on the way? What about money to provide for the family? These things will be taken care of. This couple submitted themselves to the church to make this decision together. There's not a chance in the world that the body would abandon these members to face the consequences of the decision alone. And, in the end, this is why we discern decisions together—because we as the body of Christ are called to live them out together.

Jason Johansen is co-pastor at Grace and Peace Church in Knoxville, Tennessee.