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30 Christian Stock Photos of Limited Appeal

Paul J. Pastor

Fine. That’s an understatement.

Leadership Journal October 2, 2014

As I select images for PARSE, I see a lot of bad stock photography, frequently on Christian themes. Here, with my compliments, are some of the very worst. –Paul

In some alternate universe, this is well composed and beautiful. But not in this one.
In some alternate universe, this is well composed and beautiful. But not in this one.
“Dear God, why did you sink my bridge?”
“Dear God, why did you sink my bridge?”
“I prayed that I’d find you alone.”
“I prayed that I’d find you alone.”
It’s all fun and cartoons until the Day of Atonement.
It’s all fun and cartoons until the Day of Atonement.
Hipster priest wonders what you think of the Good News and his cardboard bling.
Hipster priest wonders what you think of the Good News and his cardboard bling.
Hmm. Is Door #3 still an option?
Hmm. Is Door #3 still an option?
“Dear God, save me from this desktop background.”
“Dear God, save me from this desktop background.”
“Better thanks, but not what I had in mind.”
“Better thanks, but not what I had in mind.”
An icon for the Feast of St. Jennifer, patroness of middle managers and lost paper clips.
An icon for the Feast of St. Jennifer, patroness of middle managers and lost paper clips.
Proof positive that there are hookahs in heaven.
Proof positive that there are hookahs in heaven.
Your puny crucifix will not avert the wrath of Ba'al. He is thirsty from long neglect and offended by your polo shirt.
Your puny crucifix will not avert the wrath of Ba’al. He is thirsty from long neglect and offended by your polo shirt.
“God, I’m still stuck in a bad Windows desktop. Deliver me.”
“God, I’m still stuck in a bad Windows desktop. Deliver me.”
Typing is easier than actually painting stuff.
Typing is easier than actually painting stuff.
“Come on. That’s not even trying to be visually consistent.”
“Come on. That’s not even trying to be visually consistent.”
We need more Easter clichés in this, please. Where’s a dang bunny?
We need more Easter clichés in this, please. Where’s a dang bunny?
The famous “Christ of the Medusa.”
The famous “Christ of the Medusa.”
This image does not accurately reflect actual Christian contributions to astronomy.
This image does not accurately reflect actual Christian contributions to astronomy.
Putting the Passion in passionate.
Putting the Passion in passionate.
“Wake Up,” it’s titled. Yes, wake up—the real nightmare is just beginning.
“Wake Up,” it’s titled. Yes, wake up—the real nightmare is just beginning.
Heaven is a CONCAVE HORROR.
Heaven is a CONCAVE HORROR.
Light, a byproduct of Caucasian hands and Sistine clichés.
Light, a byproduct of Caucasian hands and Sistine clichés.
Untitled, due to eye contact.
Untitled, due to eye contact.
"Oversaturate my soul!"
“Oversaturate my soul!”
Heaven is for fake.
Heaven is for fake.
It’s convenient when the Rapture coincides with senior photos!
It’s convenient when the Rapture coincides with senior photos!
“Now I’m in front of vaguely threatening images of indeterminate meaning. Why, God? Why?”
“Now I’m in front of vaguely threatening images of indeterminate meaning. Why, God? Why?”
“0110000101101101011001010110111000001101000010100000110100001010, amen.”
“0110000101101101011001010110111000001101000010100000110100001010, amen.”
“Is this hell?”
“Is this hell?”
“…”
“…”
Or is heaven just really weird?
Or is heaven just really weird?

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