Drew is part of a demographic revolution. A Millennial who serves on the management team of a big box retail store, he often has Boomers who report to him. The dynamic is sometimes awkward. This is especially true with the minimum-wage workers.
“Most Boomers you find in retail are not in upper management. They aren’t on ‘Plan A.’ They aren't even on Plan B,” he observes. “They've been exiled by circumstance to the far reaches of the alphabet.” Drew believes that a leader must be able to foster a sense of pride in the people he or she leads. “Regardless of the prestige or glamor associated with their position (and often in spite of it), each member of the organization must have a sense of pride in what they do. They need to feel that what they do is vital to the success of the group and that their contribution is unique and valuable.”
Drew acknowledges that while there may be differences between Boomers and Millennials, he is wary about making too many generalizations. “In my experience all the talk of Men-are-from-Mars-Women-are-from-Venus-style generational clashes are a bunch of mumbo jumbo” he explains. “I believe that most conflicts that occur across generational lines are a result of changes in language and custom that simply make effective connection between people difficult.”
'If someone is older than you, they know more than you. Period. It doesn't mean they are always right and you're always wrong, but it does mean that they have seen some things that you haven't.'
He knows that age matters. “If someone is older than you, they know more than you. Period. It doesn't mean they are always right and you're always wrong, but it does mean that they have seen some things that you haven't. Listen carefully when someone older than you speaks. You might learn something.” He does not view leadership as a matter of titles, position, or hierarchy but sees it as the responsibility to help people become their best self. He also feels that it is his responsibility to bridge the connection gap by seeking common ground. “Find a way to meet people where they are already at and take them with you. Don't expect them to just get on your level. If there is a connection gap, it's up to you to find common ground and begin moving forward.” For Drew the most important qualification for leadership is a matter of character. “Find humility or it will find you” is his advice to other Millennial leaders.
Acknowledge the awkwardness
Like the workplace, the church is experiencing a major demographic transition as Boomers and Millennials, the two largest cohorts of the past four generations, learn how to do life and leadership together. Their collaboration enriches the church. But it is also a battle ground, as both generations navigate significant differences in their experience, outlook, and expectations.
Jonathan is a Millennial whose first ministry assignment was serving the youth in a church led by Boomers. Although he was given the title of leader, he didn’t always feel trusted or respected. “At times it felt almost like playing church,” he observes. “Like playing house when you were younger. You think you are doing something real at grandma’s house, but all that really happened is she patted you on the head in affirmation of your youthful dreaming.”
Sarah’s leadership experience has been similar. “I've really loved working with Boomers in the few times I've had the opportunity to lead them. But it has usually tended to have a really paternal feel,” she explains. “Even when they're following me, it’s in a ‘look at you go!’ sort of way.” Sarah finds that she usually has to “lead from below” with Boomers, even when her title implies that she is the one with more authority. She finds that Boomers often dismiss the ideas proposed by Millennials. She has learned to work in this environment but feels that it limits her ability to lead. “There are some issues that I cannot address because I won’t be taken seriously.”
In their youth Baby Boomers were famous for being a generation of innovationists and iconoclasts. Their impatience toward the generation that preceded them was summed up by the Bob Dylan lyric:
Your old road is rapidly aging. Please get out of the new one If you can't lend your hand, For the times they are a-changin.'
Millennials are similarly frustrated with the generation of leaders that went before them. But their tone is different. Millennial complaints reflect disappointment more than anger. Millennial leaders do not want to replace Boomers or even rule over them. They are looking for an opportunity to lead alongside. But the generation that once raised a defiant fist at the establishment is the establishment now and finds it hard to let go of power. Even though they are outnumbered by them, Boomers are often reluctant to share leadership with Millennials, even when they invite them to the table.
Carson Nyquist, co-author of The Post-Church Christian, a book about inter-generational tension that he wrote with his Baby Boomer father, Paul, notes that Millennials who want to lead often need to create their own opportunities. “I think it’s fair to say few of us have the opportunity to lead Boomers,” Nyquist observes. “If anything, I see ambitious Millennials creating space to gain experience leading, yet often this does not include Boomers below or beside them. My sense is that both generations feel awkward about Millennials taking leadership when Boomers are involved.” According to Nyquist, Boomers are more inclined to remain in their position or simply retire, than they are to share leadership with Millennials. “Rarely have I seen a Boomer empower a Millennial and then stick around on the team.”
Acknowledge differing leadership styles
Millennials tend to lead differently than Boomers. Mark Aardsma launched three companies while he was in his 20s and now works as a business coach with other entrepreneurs. Most of his clients are other Millennials. He thinks that Millennials are uncomfortable with a style of leadership that emphasizes chain of command. “I don’t think people my age like to be bossed around,” he notes. His companies do have standards and expectations. There is an authority structure. But, as Aardsma puts it, “There is not a lot of command and control.”
The Millennial approach to leadership might be best described as egalitarian and situational. It is a style that is highly collaborative and not especially bothered about titles. A popular saying declares, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” Millennial leadership could be characterized similarly: “When the need arises, the leader will appear.” Millennials are most comfortable with a fluid environment, where the leadership task is shared and everyone’s voice is considered.
Unfortunately, this leveling approach can sometimes be misinterpreted as weakness or incompetence by Boomers, who find it hard to take direction from leaders who are the age of their children. Even though they are not impressed with titles or credentials, Millennials who lead Boomers need to own their leadership responsibility. As Paul told Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12). Millennial leaders also need to acquire leadership skills that may be outside their comfort zone. Mark Aardsma explains, “When leading people who are older than oneself, there is definitely a need to embrace the fact that you are the leader even though you are younger. Don’t abdicate or defer. If you are leading Boomers who are used to structure and you are a soft leader, step up and fill the shoes. It’s position not age that makes you a leader.”
Kerwin Rodriguez, a Millennial who serves on the pastoral faculty of Moody Bible Institute, uses an architectural analogy to describe the Millennial approach. “Think open office architecture applied to leadership,” he says. This is an approach that is more about influence and less about position. It is also an approach that requires humility. “Don’t think about the glory or credit,” Rodriguez urges. “The value is less about your getting recognition and more about the group succeeding. When the team wins, you win. If you win but the team loses, that’s an utter failure.”
Lean into grace, affirmation, and mutual respect
Millennials and Boomers approach ministry with a polarity that can lead to crossed signals. Boomer leaders seem to favor a problem-oriented approach. Millennials are more optimistic. The SWOT analysis is emblematic of this divide, where ministry vision grows out of a careful analysis of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. When Boomers scan the landscape of ministry, their attention is drawn to the obstacles and threats that stand in the way of ministry goals. This approach lends itself to pessimistic thinking. Millennials would rather dwell on strengths and opportunities.
Paul Taylor, author of The Next America, describes Millennials as “America’s most stubborn optimists.” According to Taylor, “They have a self-confidence born of coddling parents and everyone gets-a-trophy coaches. They have a look-at-me élan that comes from being humankind’s first generation of digital natives (before them, nobody knew that the whole world wanted to see your funny cat photos). And they have the invincibility of youth.” Taylor’s book, which describes “the looming generational showdown,” targets a Baby Boomer audience with its apocalyptic tone. Yet the natural optimism of Millennial leaders, especially when it is combined with their collaborative style, provides a healthy balance for Boomer pessimism. It is one that can help Baby Boomers and Millennials move forward together. These two generational polarities provide a complementary perspective for the church. Millennial optimism points toward the way of faith. Boomer realism points toward the way of wisdom. Both are essential.
Boomers increasingly feel marginalized in the church. This might come as a surprise given their numbers. It does not seem to square with complaints by Millennials who say that they are not being allowed to lead. There is no question that Baby Boomers are used to being large and in charge. The product of the post-World-War II population explosion, they are most comfortable being at the center of things. Boomers have enjoyed majority status all their lives. This generation, which has been demographically described as the “pig in the python,” is dominant. Boomers possess the lion’s share of the wealth and hold most of the positions of power. But these days they are feeling threatened. Some of this may simply be the unfortunate legacy of a generation that has spent most of its life being famous for being young. As D’Vera Cohn and Paul Taylor observe in a Pew Research report, “This famously huge cohort of Americans finds itself in a funk as it approaches old age.”
Boomers increasingly feel out of place. They wonder whether they are valued in their jobs and in the church. Because of this Jerell Carper, pastor of youth ministries at Antioch Church in Bend, Oregon, suggests that Millennial leaders my occasionally need to “play the charming grandson role, which laughs, affirms, and asks open-ended questions of their lives.” Carper advises Millennial leaders who interact with Boomers to “listen well, even if they ramble, get stuck on one nuance, or tell stories that are way off topic.” This sounds a bit like condescension. But Carper is really urging Millennial leaders to offer grace, affirm, and show respect. “I need to show vulnerability by admitting that I don’t know everything and I’d love any and all insight they give. Affirm that they still have so much to offer the body of Christ and the world. Ask them to share ways they’ve used their gifts or felt excluded. Show active listening skills.”
Embrace the “disconnect” in community
Both generations value community. But Boomers and Millennials do not always agree on what that community should look like. According to Sam Hannum, a Millennial who serves with Merge Community Church in Westland, Michigan, Millennials define community as intimacy among peers and feel that authenticity is the primary means of creating relational capital. Boomers see community as a matter of relational standing between co-inhabitants who exist within a particular community. Hannum feels that both approaches are valuable: “Boomers are very good at not invading your space both relationally and physically, yet Millennials crave relational interaction. On the other hand, Millennials have a vibrancy that many Boomers applaud and desire, yet that same vibrancy, unbridled without regard for structure, pushes many Boomers away.”
As Hannum points out, the Boomer notion of community is local and sometimes even spatial. This should come as no surprise. Many Boomers spent their formative years in a church environment where community was primarily a matter of showing up. Serious Christians attended church every Sunday morning. The truly serious attended Sunday night service as well. The spiritual elite showed up for Wednesday night Bible study and prayer. Those days have long since passed for most churches. What remains is a vision of congregational life that defines community primarily as commitment. Boomer pastors chide those who only show up for worship. The truly serious “get involved” in a small group. The spiritual elite host the group in their homes and engage in service projects together.
For Millennials real community is marked more by the quality of the experience than it is by commitment to a particular group. Community is defined as authenticity. Yet when asked to describe what this looks like, Millennials often find it hard to put into words. They offer synonyms. To be authentic is to be genuine. Authentic community is a community where people can be real. Authentic people are transparent. The Millennial ideal is a community where believers can be accepted just as they are “warts and all.” When asked how this differs from the Boomer notion of community, one college student contrasted it with his family experience. “My father is a good guy” he said. “But all he ever talks with me about are cars. He’s never told me about his struggles.” His comment prompted another student to suggest that Millennial talk about authenticity is really just a euphemism for spiritual struggle. “We are not really being authentic when we say ‘authentic.’ What we should really call it is sin.”
What seems to be in view here is a vision of life together that is unaffected and is characterized by a radical commitment to acceptance without judgment. This can look like indifference or even compromise to Boomers. Especially when it is demonstrated by those who are in leadership. In turn Boomer reserve is interpreted by Millennials as hypocrisy.
Ironically, it is neither a Boomer nor a Millennial whose counsel can show us the way forward and may help heal the divide. It comes from someone who belonged to the World War II generation. In his classic treatise on the nature of Christian community Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer emphasized the importance that people, place, and a realistic sense of our own sinfulness have for community.
“The physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer,” Bonhoeffer observes. Community requires commitment to a particular people in a specific place. Virtual, casual, come-and-go-as-you-please community is an oxymoron. Bonhoeffer also speaks frankly about the need for realism—or what many today would call authenticity. “The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it,” Bonhoeffer writes. “But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.”
If Bonhoeffer is right, then the differences between Boomers and Millennials are not obstacles to community but the grist from which authentic Christian community is made. It is not a constructed atmosphere or our particular tastes that create community. There is no foundation for community other than the one that has already been laid. It is our bond in Jesus Christ that is the ultimate basis for life together. Bonhoeffer is right: “Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ. No Christian community is more or less than this.”
John Koessler is professor and chair of pastoral studies at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. His latest book is The Surprising Grace of Disappointment: Finding Hope When God Seems to Fail You (Moody).
