Last October, my life changed forever.
I was married to my wife, Jessica, for 14 years. She was my partner in ministry, the mother of my three amazing children, the love of my life. Then last October, the unimaginable happened-Jessica went home to be with the Lord.
And suddenly, I stepped into a role I never expected to play—single dad.
My mentor, Pastor Sam Rodriguez, said to me, “You’re both mom and dad to those kids right now. You going to fill both roles.” Little by little, I have learned to do it. I wake them for school, get breakfast on the table, pray over them, and make sure they comb their hair. I take ministry calls while I fold the laundry. I still preach, lead within the NHCLC, but never forget my wife’s final challenge to keep our kids first in my life.
"Tony,” she said, “I don’t want anyone else to raise our kids. Please make sure you take care of them."
One of the ways I take this responsibility seriously is by making sure my kids get a quality education. My children’s education is important to me, and I am not alone. The Pew Research Center has found that “improving the education system” is the #1 priority for Hispanics. We want our kids held to high academic standards that prepare them for college, and the workforce. We want our school systems to be fair, offering equal education regardless of income, ethnicity, or zip code.
But as parents, especially as single parents, what can we do to help our kids get the best education possible? First of all, we can encourage Hispanic students to not only graduate high school, but to go on to get their college degree as well.
I want to support my children’s education by being a good role model for them. That’s why I have decided to go back to school. I didn’t earn a college degree when I was younger, but I am going to do it now so that I can set a great example for my kids. I have promised them that I will graduate before they do!
What about those precious years leading up to college independence? What can single parents do to make sure their kids receive a quality education?
We can:
- Invite friends/family to open house night so that each child receives individual attention.
- When unable to attend special school events, we can invite friends/family to attend in your place.
- Make time for teacher conferences. They are important!
- Be a role model of lifetime learning by reading to our children, and reading on our own.
- Give our kids the chance to get to know adults with advanced degrees, or adults who were the first in their family to attend college.
- Take our children to plays, concerts, and events on nearby college campuses to give them a vision for the future.
During those years before the kids go off to college, we single parents will need to lean on our family and friends to help support our children in their education. People tell me all of the time, “Man, you are doing a great job raising those kids!” but the truth is, I’ve had incredible support. My mother-in-law has been wonderful. She has stepped into the gap when I simply couldn’t be everywhere at once. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
There was about six months between Jessica’s diagnosis and her passing. I remember taking care of the kids and thinking, “She’s coming home at some point.” A little later on I was like, “Honey, we’ve run out of things to cook! We can’t wait for you to come home, because we’re done with hot dogs. We’ll never eat another hot dog in our life!” Then the day comes when you realize, you know what, this is life. This is going to be our life for a very long time.
I never thought I’d be here, but by God’s grace and with the support of friends and family, I am fulfilling the role of single dad one day at a time. I know they are watching me and learning from my choices and priorities – which is why I’ve pledged to earn my college degree. I may not be able an ideal role model around the kitchen, but I can show them the value of lifelong learning.
