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Think of your 3-year-old begging to peel carrots, or your 4-year-old pleading to mop the floor. While our tendency is to tell them they're not ready, Montessori would say their desire is our invitation to teach them now.
The secret to allowing your child to help with a difficult task is to break it down into small steps—and this requires patience. Children who have the opportunity to serve when they want to will be more likely to step up to a task later on.
Accept What You Get. Naturally, letting a 4-year-old mop the floor means your floor won't get very clean. Still, it's important that we graciously praise the effort and the desire to help, not the results.
For example, 7-year-old Madison decided to surprise her mom by cleaning the dining room windows. After all, she'd seen her brother washing them and it looked pretty easy. When Maddie's mom saw the far-from-perfect results, she ignored the smudges and smears. "What a lovely job!" she said. "I love to clean windows, too. Next time let's do it together!" Maddie felt like a real helper and couldn't wait to do more house-hold chores.
Know Your Children. Children are individuals and mature at different rates. As your child takes on new chores and responsibilities, strike a balance between accepting his best effort and raising the bar to challenge him. Pay attention to where your child is developmentally. There's a difference between a 5-year-old who doesn't know that plates have backs and a 10-year-old who neglects to wash them because he's in a hurry to get outside and play. One needs teaching, the other needs accountability.
Parents also need to know how to motivate each child. Young children are often motivated by verbal praise. Emphasize how much your child's work helps you and other people. If playtime is particularly important to your child, point out that helping with household chores allows more time for fun.
Older children want "stuff," and lots of it. They also like to go to the movies, eat out with friends—the list goes on and on. During this stage, money and increased freedom become the main motivators. While many parents tie allowance to chores, kids need to learn to help at home because it's the right thing to do. Even if you pay your kids for some chores, there should be a few household tasks they do simply because they are part of the family. If you don't want to offer money for chores, use added privileges as an incentive.
Teach Delayed Gratification. Let's face it, we live in a society saturated with a "me first" mentality. It takes a proactive approach to help your child develop thoughtfulness and self-control—two traits that will be essential for avoiding the temptations of the teen years.
It starts by establishing a pattern: we work and then we play. You might say to your child, "I know you want to play outside. Let's pick up all these blocks and fold the clothes and then we can go together." Or, "Let's get the house cleaned up, and then we'll make some popcorn and watch a movie."
We've found that teaching delayed gratification sometimes means creating obstacles when things come a little too easily. Shortly before Josh's 16th birthday, his grandma told us she planned to buy herself a new car and give him her Jeep. We asked her instead to charge Josh $500—not the full value of the car, but a hefty chunk from his savings. As a result, he took better care of the Jeep than he might have if it had been a freebie.
