Page 3 of 33. Write love letters. Our Marriage Encounter friends are great letter writers. Take a tip from them and write your honey a note to say how much you love him or her.
4. Give marital vitamins. In our experience, stress is cumulative but encouragement is needed daily. So look daily for ways to encourage each other. Collect positives and generously give them to each other. Any act of kindness you give your spouse is like a marital vitamin. If your wife comes home exhausted, prepare a bubble bath for her and tell her you'll watch the kids and start dinner. If he forgets to hang up his towel or clothes, give him a gift of love and do it for him without complaining.
5. Make a wish list. If there were no limitations, what would you like to do together someday? Start your own empty-nest dream list.
6. Take a 24-hour getaway at least twice a year. Getting away without the kids—even for just twenty-four hours—can make a difference in the quality of your relationship and it can reignite intimacy, romance, and laughter.
7. Look for humor and have some fun. Laugh together and look for fun. In our national survey of long-term marriages we discovered that the greatest indicator of a successful empty-nest marriage was the level of the couple friendship. And you build your friendship by having fun together. So plan some great dates to celebrate your love for each other.
8. Pray together. You can grow together spiritually when you pause each day to thank the Lord for each other, for your family; and as a couple, give God your requests. Consider reading a favorite passage of Scripture together, or talk about how God has led you in the past, or share answers to prayers you have experienced.
9. Plan. Plan what you aren't going to do. This alone is a great marriage enricher. For instance, you are not going to give up time alone with your spouse; you're not going to spend money you don't have; you're not going to overextend your schedule. Now is also the time to plan for the empty nest. Realize that your active parenting years will not go on forever. Come up with your own de-parenting plan. Together talk about what you want your marriage to be like in the empty nest.
10. Persevere. Realize that the adolescent years can be draining both physically and emotionally. Don't put your marriage on the back burner. The empty nest is just up the road. You may think you will never get there, but we did and you will too; so keep on persevering.
The Empty Nest Is Just Ahead!
Within the walls of our home, it is now quiet. Yet in the recesses of our mind we hear the echoes of happy children and treasure memories of the hectic parenting years when once we struggled to make time for our marriage. Now our sons are grown and married and have families of their own. We have passed on the baton of active parenting and the challenging task of building a great marriage while parenting kids.
And every now and then we once again hear little voices in our home, when our precious grandkids come to visit and fill our empty nest with the wonderful sounds of childhood. We see again the stresses, strains, and joys of parenting through the bloodshot eyes of our own children. Our wish for them and for you is to seize the day. In the middle of your hectic lives as you parent your kids, make time for each other. One day, like us, you will pass on your own baton, but you can also pass on the heritage of a loving, vibrant, and enriched empty nest marriage. Trust us, the best is yet to be.
David and Claudia Arp, founders Marriage Alive International, are marriage educators, conference speakers, and authors of numerous books and small group video curriculum, including 10 Great Dates and The Second Half of Marriage (both Zondervan). Visit their website at: www.marriagealive.com.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2001, Spring. For more articles like this, check out Kyria.com.
