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Again, I'm not suggesting we abandon our gospel outlines or theological propositions or apologetics. I'm merely saying let's add to our evangelistic repertoire the ability to talk about Jesus in natural and fresh ways and to tell his stories spontaneously and freely.

Getting the Story Out

Jesus always seemed to be doing two things: asking questions and telling stories. Christians always seem to be doing two other things: giving answers and "preaching."

All four are necessary—at the right time and in the right place. But we tend to forget that the God of the Bible was an extraordinary communicator; we ignore Jesus' example of how to start a conversation, and we jump in prematurely with answers and sermonettes before the listener's curiosity is aroused.

I frequently ask people at a conference to tell me where they struggle in witnessing. Their answers fall into three categories: 2 percent say they struggle with intellectual questions they can't answer; 1 percent say they struggle with mechanics (How do I lead a person to Christ?); and 97 percent say they need help with their communication skills (How do I move from secular conversation to spiritual in a natural way? How do I disagree or not participate in an activity without seeming "holier than thou"? How can I be myself when I feel the world puts me in a Christian box?).

It seems ironic that so much current evangelism training focuses so heavily on content skills when people seem to be saying they need more help with communication skills. Again, it's not an issue of either/or, but both/and. We certainly need to know what to say, but we also need to know how to say it.

The communication process is so complex and multifaceted that it's easy to feel overwhelmed. The key to all good communication is the ability to love as Christ loved. Jesus constantly taught that if we're to be his followers, our lives must bear the stamp of profound love—to God and to our neighbor. Our lives must be dominated by his love, not merely religious activity. How we treat people will be the clearest signal to them of what God is like. Nobody wants to be someone's evangelistic project. People want to be loved and taken seriously.

I've seen Christians who've broken nearly every rule of communication and yet have been effective evangelists because they genuinely loved the person they were talking to. Ultimately, love is everything.

After establishing Christ's love as the foundation for communication, we can analyze our own communication style, finding our strengths and weaknesses: Are we shy and timid? Is it difficult for us to start a conversation, much less get it around to God? Do we miss detecting people's needs? Do we listen well?

There is surprisingly little in the Christian market in this area. Certainly, James Engel's Contemporary Christian Communications: Its Theory and Practice and Em Griffin's The Mind Changers are good resources. The secular research on information and communication theory is also beneficial.

I've found it immensely helpful to devise relational exercises for the specific communication skills I'm trying to teach: listening skills, affirming skills, dealing with hostility, disagreeing without being disagreeable, and so on.