Dear Patrons of the Sinema:

If you have been listening to our theological pundits, you must know that modern man has now passed through ontological adolescence and entered secular maturity. Thus the “now” Christian minister must make special efforts to relate his sermons to man’s secular life. One effective way he can show his awareness of our uptight world is to filch his sermon titles from movie marquees. By matching a biblical text with a magic title from the silver screen, a pastor can show he is a bona fide member of the “new breed” and also produce a cinesermonic spectacle guaranteed to draw SRO crowds. Check these titles and texts:

Up the Down Staircase—Jacob’s dream of the ladder with angels ascending and descending on it (Gen. 28:12).

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum—Paul’s snakebite en route to Rome (Acts 28:1–6, 15).

What’s New, Pussycat?—Daniel in the lion’s den (Dan. 6:16–24).

Fantastic Voyage—Jonah’s submarine whale cruise (Jonah 1:17–2:10).

Gone with the Wind—The Church’s ecstatic experience on the Day of Pentecost (Acts 2:1–13).

The Dirty Dozen—The apostles before their conversions (Mark 1:16–20, etc.).

You Only Live Twice—Jesus’ conversation with Nicodemus (John 3:1–12).

Room at the Top—Moses in the cleft of the rock on Sinai (Exod. 33:22).

Separate Tables—The money-changers in the Temple (John 2:14, 15).

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying—Joseph’s rise to prominence in Egypt (Gen. 41).

Waterhole #3—Isaac’s well-digging at Rehoboth (Gen. 26:17–22).

Two for the Road—Paul and Silas’s split from Barnabas and Mark on a missionary journey (Acts 15:36–41).

Reflections in a Golden Eye—Israel’s worship of the molten calf (Exod. 32:4–6).

For that service when you want to survey the entire Bible, why ...

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