Parent Teachers

Adults are often inclined to brush children aside, to be annoyed by their antics and bothered by their intrusions. In dealing with children we may sometimes find ourselves agreeing in spirit with the four-year-old who asked, “Why would a loving God make big brothers?” We may at times lose sight of the biblical teaching that children are gifts of God with unbounded promise. They are “a heritage from the Lord” (Ps. 127:3).

The importance of children in the sight of God is demonstrated by Christ’s attitude toward them. His love for children sometimes irritated his disciples. When they wanted to push the little ones aside and send them away, Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14). When the disciples asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” he replied, “Unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:3). And when Christ gave warning about the quality of his disciples’ witness, he went on to say, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones” (Matt. 18:10).

Throughout the biblical revelation we find that when God made his covenants with men he included their children. The basic formula was, “I will establish my covenant between me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you” (Gen. 17:7). On the Day of Pentecost Peter was led by the Spirit to declare, in response to the anxious inquiries of his hearers, “Repent, and be baptized.… For the promise is to you and to your children …” (Acts 2:38, 39). The importance of children is implied also in Paul’s words to the Corinthians, “The unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy” (1 Cor. 7:14).

Children are artless and trusting, open and uninhibited, humble and dependent, loyal and loving—a kind of visual aid to remind us all what we once were and what we ought to be. They are God’s creation, gifts of his love, living souls with amazing potential, and they are tremendously important to God and his kingdom.

Children are easily influenced, and so Christ made a point of warning the disciples of the great responsibilities their presence brings. The credulity of children was forcefully shown to me at our dinner table one day. Something had been said that caused us all to laugh. Our boy, then five, had recently been to see the Walt Disney film Mary Poppins, and he began to tell me how when Mary and the children visited Uncle Albert they all got to laughing so hard they were lifted right up to the ceiling and floated on the air. Lest he expect me to rise to such heights I hastened to explain that that was only a story. His reply was quick: “Aw, Dad, stop teasing me. I saw it!”

More than once I have heard adults complain about the moral and spiritual degeneracy of young people when the example they themselves had set through the years was far from ideal. As John Locke wrote many years ago, “Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.”

So Jesus says, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:6). To cause another to sin is one of the greatest sins we can commit, for while we may receive pardon for our misdeeds, our penitence cannot avail for another. And if leading another to sin ranks among the foremost sins, surely destroying youthful innocence is the most sinister sin. Christ went on to say, “Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!”

Sin is not only doing evil; it is also the neglect of doing right. We fail in our duty to our children when we do not set a clear example of right-doing. A leader in the church may influence others to sin by being a practical atheist, one who, though he may make a loud profession of faith in church, fails to live that faith at home, in the community, and in business. We may cause others—including our children—to stumble by failing to stand for righteousness when a stand is called for, or by talking of our love for the lost while we minister only to “our kind,” or by preaching salvation while denying the necessities of life to needy men. We are too apt to be like “Peanuts” characters Charlie Brown and Linus, who see their pet beagle shivering in the snow and decide they ought to do something. So they go and pat Snoopy’s head, saying, “Be of good cheer. Yes, be of good cheer.” If we talk of love and salvation but remain unconcerned about people, we are bound to become stumbling blocks.

William Barclay tells of an old man who, as he lay near death, was obviously troubled. When asked what was disturbing him he replied, “One day when I was young I was playing with some other boys at a crossroad. We reversed a sign post so that its arms were pointing in the wrong direction, and I’ve never ceased to wonder how many people were sent in the wrong direction by what we did.” Although the old man may have been inordinately sensitive about a boyish prank, we would do well to match his sensitivity when we reflect on the directions in which our lives point our children.

How can we bring children to God? How may we best help to shape their lives according to God’s will?

The first step is to have a genuine concern for them. It is an appalling fact that many parents do not really know their children, and that many adults would rather criticize young people than help them. One has only to try to find teachers for the Sunday school or sponsors for the youth group to realize the unconcern of many adults. To be sure, there may be good reasons why some refuse such tasks; but often there are not. Still, being a teacher or sponsor is not really the answer. One might fill both these positions and still not be really concerned about children. Christ indicated the characteristics of true concern when he described the shepherd who knows his sheep intimately and would leave the ninety-nine to seek the one who is missing. Are we perhaps more likely to say, “Well, let him go—he never was really one of us anyway”? One who has real concern for another knows and loves him and sees his potential. He patiently and persistently seeks his welfare and will not give up on him.

A second part of the shaping process is intruction. In both church and home we must seek to instruct our children in the faith “precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little” (Isa. 28:10). This is a demanding project that calls for determination, dedication, and imagination. Although it isn’t easy for busy parents to find time to provide this instruction, they must make time. We must teach our children the will and Word of God. We must show them the way of salvation and bring them to Christ. The psalmist sums it up: “He … appointed a law … which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children; that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God” (Ps. 78:5–7).

Dedication is essential, since, as we have already noted, children learn much by example. Young lives are shaped by the combination of words and deeds. If our deeds do not match our words, the words lose their power. If “children are a heritage from the Lord,” then it is the responsibility of every Christian parent to point them to the way of God by their own dedication to him.

An imaginative approach to the child, with sensitivity to his needs and the changes that take place as he grows, is very important also. Parents should make use of some of the numerous books dealing with the emotional development of children at various ages. They should take into account the individuality of each child. Sensitive parents are well aware of the personality differences that exist among children in the same family.

Closely related to instruction is discipline. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Solomon advises us, “Discipline your son while there is hope” (Prov. 19:18), and “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15). Love and discipline go together. Godlike love demands discipline. In the Book of Hebrews we are told, “The Lord disciplines him whom he loves.… For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Heb. 12:6, 11).

Discipline should be loving. The child should be shown that even this is a sign of love and concern for him. Children want to feel that parents are stronger than they are, yet loving and kind. We must do our best never to discipline in anger but, “keeping our cool,” to exercise discipline as a facet of love. We must never allow discipline to degenerate into a personal contest with the adult winning by reason of superior strength. To do this is to sow seeds for later rebellion.

Children should know why they are being disciplined. We must be clear in defining boundaries and expectations for them. Having done that, we can discuss the wrong done and help the child to see why a particular restriction was set in the first place.

Children learn that if they put their hands in a fire, they get burned. Just so, they should learn that wrongdoing has undesirable consequences. If we are consistent in our discipline and if the penalty is appropriate to the misdeed, the child’s sense of justice will work on our side.

If we find ourselves reluctant to teach and discipline our children, one reason may be uneasiness about our own example. We know that if we are to train our children in the way they should go, we must go that way ourselves. If we are to discipline our children to do right, we must also discipline ourselves to do right.

After the Second World War, the people of one German city began to rebuild their church. A fine statue of Christ with outstretched arms had stood in front of the church before the bombs fell. After a painstaking search through the rubble, the workmen were able to reconstruct all of the statue but its hands. Then they had an idea. At the base of the statue they placed a sign: “Christ has no hands but yours.” God is sovereign and can always carry out his perfect will; yet he does choose to work through men. We cannot thwart his will, but we can help to fulfill it. One way in which believers are called to be his hands is in touching and shaping the lives of children. How are we, as parents and as teachers, fulfilling this calling?

Charles N. Pickell is pastor of the Wallace Memorial United Presbyterian Church, Hyattsville, Maryland. He holds teh B.D. from Western Theological Seminary (Pittsburgh) and the Th.M. from Pittsburgh-Xenia Seminary; he has also stdied at Harvard and at Andover Newton.

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