Pastoral associates are really hurting. Of course, there are many exceptions to this generalization—but are you sure your associates are among the exceptions?
Do you know them personally? Do you know them well enough to perceive where they are in their relationships to Christ, to their spouses, to their children? Is your relationship with them more than merely professional or administrative? Do you care whether or not they are hurting? Are you concerned for their spiritual maturation or their family situation?
Do you spend time with them? Do you see them more often than during worship or in a formal meeting? As a matter of fact, do you have staff meetings? And if so, is there time for ministering to personal needs, or is it just an impersonal business meeting? Do you know what they are thinking—their problems, their aspirations, their goals?
Do you know whether they are yearning for a deeper relationship with you?
Do you keep them boxed into their job descriptions, or are you interested in their ideas for the total work of the church? Do you listen to them and learn from them?
Would they be taking too great a risk to make constructive suggestions about your personal situation and ministry or the general situation in the church? Are they afraid to approach you with ideas that bum in their hearts? Do you intimidate them? Does your intimidation betray your own sense of being threatened by them?
These are not questions generated in a time of isolated reflection; they are expressions of very real concerns stated by members of church multiple staffs at a recent National Youth Workers Convention. An associate and I were asked to conduct two seminars on staff relationships that were attended by approximately 125 conferees. After brief introductory remarks, the seminar was opened for an hour of comments, questions, and discussion.
There were no senior pastors present. Eight or ten were alone in their pastorates. The great majority were associates, assistants, directors of Christian education or youth directors.
Tragically, few spoke of a satisfying relationship with the senior pastor. Most were very explicit in expressing disappointment and frustration. Some were deeply disillusioned. A few were angry. One young man never sees his pastor except on Sunday morning. In more than a year there has been no staff meeting. Two or three times he has had a momentary contact when they were coming or going during the week.
Several said they were not allowed to show real interest in or make suggestions about anything in the church except their own jobs. And even in that area, few senior pastors showed anything more than cursory interest in what the associate was thinking. Written reports were all that was required. One said the only way he could see his pastor was to watch his TV program.
In conversations after the seminars, several spoke of their respect and love for their pastors but said there was no way they could express this because of a wall that prohibited any personal relationship. I suggested (from experience) that the invisible wall might mean deep loneliness on the part of the pastor, and I urged them to attempt a breakthrough. Their reaction was that this would entail great personal risk.
Some were almost totally alienated from the senior pastor and felt helpless to make any overtures toward reconciliation. The experience strongly confirmed a quotation with which we had opened the seminars:
The multiple staff ministry—two or more ordained ministers in a particular congregation—is a fragile arrangement filled with dangerous pitfalls and laden with conflicting emotions, yet it offers rewarding opportunities. As many clergy have been involved in this kind of ministry, they should not be shocked by Kenneth Mitchell’s statement that “relationships within the multiple staff ministry seem to be relatively unstable: there is a rapid turnover in assistant ministers; there are constant reports of clashes between ministers; assistant pastors are reported to form into cliques wherever ministers gather” [from Psychological and Theological Relationships in the Multiple Staff Ministry, by Kenneth Mitchell, Westminster, 1966; quoted by Richard N. Dearing in “Toward Understanding Staff Ministries,” The Church Administrator, July, 1974].
In each of the seminars, the associates asked, “Are senior pastors aware of this problem? Do they talk about it? Does it make any difference to them?” Unable to speak for others, I was able only to repeat what my associates and I are committed to among ourselves, the others on the staff, the officers of the church and the people: we give priority to persons, not programs. We have an explicit commitment, first to Christ, then to spouse and family, then to one another, and to the officers and people of the church, in that order. We take our relationships seriously and practice fellowship on the basis of the formula found in Matthew 18:15–35. We treat alienation as intolerable, seek reconciliation as soon as possible when a breach occurs, and strive to maintain a loving, caring, affirming, supportive community.
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Personal relations take precedence over the work in staff meetings as well as in official board meetings. We meet with the entire staff weekly, and always our primary concern is personal or family interests. When needs are expressed we unite in prayer and take any other action possible to respond to the need. The associates set aside one full day monthly to be together in worship, fellowship, sharing, and planning. Occasionally we take an overnight trip together, including our spouses.
We encourage and support one another in taking a day off weekly and in giving priority to spouse and family. We take every opportunity to be together in twos or more, such as at lunch, driving somewhere together, and dropping in on one another at the office. We are explicit in expressing our love for one another and doing whatever we can to demonstrate that love. We are free to criticize one another. Each takes a genuine interest in what the others are doing, and we all are involved in thinking and planning for the total life of the congregation.
We have learned to expect struggles in these relationships and have discovered that through these struggles love is matured and intimacies deepened. We are simply committed to dealing with alienation when it occurs rather than neglect it because we are too busy, thereby risking erosion and deterioration of the relationships.
“Why don’t you talk to senior pastors about this?” several associates urged in each seminar. This open letter is one response to that request.
Sincerely,
RICHARD C. HALVERSON
Minister
Fourth Presbyterian Church
Washington, D. C.
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