Minister’s Workshop: How to Cope with Discouragement

If you’re a discouraged pastor, you’re in good company—the company of Luther, Calvin, Bonar, Morgan, and Spurgeon. In a sermon Spurgeon once said, “I am the subject of depressions of the spirit so fearful that I hope none of you ever get to such extremes of wretchedness as I go to.”

The causes of discouragement in the pastorate are many: failing to achieve a goal, failing to live up to personal convictions, being physically exhausted, being criticized by the congregation, dealing continually with the grim side of life, seeing others succeed where you do not, and satanic opposition, which may occur in conjunction with any of these other conditions. Some practical things can be done to combat discouragement.

1. Look for physical causes. Perhaps you are emotionally and physically drained. Go to bed and sleep as long as you wish. You may awaken feeling fine. Reduce the demands on your time and allow more rest and relaxation. If the depression lasts, consult your doctor to see if there are any physical reasons for it.

2. Look for physiological or psychological causes. After the age of forty a number of changes take place in social circumstances and in the body. The American Institute of Family Relations publication “Problems After Forty” is helpful. (The AIFR address is 5287 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, California 90027; ask for publication 328.)

3. Try to discover what is making you feel discouraged. Margaret Benton, writing on depression in another AIFR publication, says that discouragement and depression occur when “we cannot do what we want to do, cannot get what we want and need, feel guilty over something we have done or left undone, have lost someone we love, have gone from a situation where we were happy to one that seems to hold no promise, when we have been hurt by someone, when we feel inferior, unloved, lonely and as though we have nothing to offer others” (“Suggestions For Decreasing Depression,” publication 513). Understanding the cause of depression permits one either to remove the cause or to change one’s attitude about the cause. One of the marks of spiritual and emotional maturity is the ability to accept what we cannot change.

4. Express your discouragement openly, at least to yourself and God. The Psalms abound in examples of this. You may not change the circumstances, but tears may change you. Crying is an emotional release from tension. Your mind will be clearer when you have cried out your discouragement. One note of caution: there is a limit to the healthful expression of grief. To go on and on for weeks, even months, is not therapeutic but debilitating.

5. If you continue to grieve after you have cried out your discouragement, consider the possibility that you might be indulging in self-pity. One reason for the success of Alcoholics Anonymous is that it doesn’t permit self-pity. One of Elijah’s problems was self-pity, complicated, no doubt, by hunger and physical exhaustion. He felt that he alone stood against Baal. Tim LaHaye says that self-pity is the primary cause of depression (How to Win Over Depression, Zondervan).

6. Look for the anger in your depression. Sometimes depression is the result of anger turned at self—perhaps justifiably, perhaps not. We often abuse ourselves to a degree that we would never tolerate from another person. Such self-abuse is as destructive as abuse coming from someone else.

Sometimes depression is the result of anger disguised as hurt. Some people are not comfortable with expressions of anger so they convert angry feelings to feelings of hurt. Luther firmly believed in the therapeutic use of anger. Two of his suggestions for dealing with depression are “faith in Christ—and get downright angry!” If the anger is toward another person and you are not able to express it to him or her, express the anger openly to yourself. Hear your voice saying those angry words. Much like crying, the expression of anger releases tension.

7. Think positively. The concept of positive thinking is as old as the Bible. Philippians 4:8, 9 draws an important connection between having the God of peace with us and our responsibility to think positively. I’m not suggesting a Pollyanna approach to life or the sacrifice of a healthy critical eye, but I must underscore our responsibility to think right thoughts. Do not expect peace from the God of peace so long as you indulge yourself in negative thinking.

Dr. Jack Arnold, pastor of Grace Church in Roanoke, Virginia, suggests, “Instead of tearing down everyone else’s false theology, preach the truth with a positive ring. If you cannot say something positive about a person, say nothing at all. Negative pastors produce negative people who do not know how to love. Yet the world can only know that we are Christ’s disciples by the love we show to one another.”

8. Experiment to see if you can break the spell of discouragement. While in the pastorate I found great comfort in listening to the Psalms on my portable cassette tape player while alone on the beach or sailing far out in the ocean.

Margaret Benton suggests in the AIFR pamphlet previously mentioned: experiment with physical activity; revive an old interest like a collecting hobby or join a friend in his hobby or read about another place and plan a trip there; try being with friends to see if contact with other human beings or the interest of the moment breaks the spell; experiment to see if “acting happy” will help.

Maxwell Maltz also has much to say about acting happy in his book Psycho-Cybernetics. He calls it “acting as if,” creative mental picturing. You actually see yourself as the good or successful person you want to be and behave accordingly. Maltz points out that we are discouraged and fail because we keep on seeing ourselves as discouraged failures. We have a built-in success mechanism that will take over for us if we think of succeeding and behave as though we are a success.

9. Don’t permit yourself to fret about your depression. Relax and take the attitude, “This too, will pass,” as moods do. Think about other times when you have felt depressed and have overcome it. Experience still produces hope (Rom. 5:4, 5).

10. If your moods seem to have a regular cycle, chart them on a calendar and plan to take it easy on your dark days.

As a general rule it is helpful to attempt to discover the cause of depression. We can do something constructive when we understand where it’s coming from. Avoid the tendency to say to yourself, “If I’m really spiritual, I shouldn’t be discouraged.” Even Jesus felt this emotion (Matt. 26:38). Talk out your feelings to a close friend, a counselor, or alone in front of the mirror. Hearing yourself put your feelings into words will help you understand them better.—ANDRE BUSTANOBY, marriage and family counselor, Bowie, Maryland.

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