You Can Smell When You Can’t Say a Word

“Patricia French Cosmetics, created especially for Christian women.…”

Those words caught my eye, riveted my attention, in the midst of other ads for old books, folding tables, safes, and a fundraising dinner on a two-page spread in a Christian magazine. Or maybe it was the blonde, bare-shouldered woman in the ad.

What are “cosmetics created especially for Christian women”?

Maybe mud packs from the River Jordan.

Or Howfirma foundation cream, Whiter-Than-Snow cleansing cream, Charisma moisturizer.

Total Joy deodorant.

Skinner astringent.

My Salvation perfume.

Myrrh cologne.

Fuller’s soap (99 44/100 per cent pure).

Thou perfume.

Ephesians five-two-seven wrinkle cream.

Stick-on plastic fingernails, with the Four Spiritual Laws imprinted thereon. (Thumbnail in contrasting ivy green.)

Barefoot cool stick-on plastic toenails, with the Four Spiritual Laws imprinted thereon. (Big toe: choice of Pat Boone’s, Andrae Crouch’s, or Tom Netherton’s photograph, all in living color.)

Come to think of it, I may be on the wrong track completely. Maybe these cosmetics have a special quality, something that sets Christian woman apart. Maybe if a non-Christian uses them, she’ll turn ugly, or her toenails will fall off.

That would be helpful. Then we could tell Christian women from non-Christian women by smelling them or looking at their toes.

EUTYCHUS VIII

Beware of Philosophy

Many years of frustration received an outlet through Norman Geisler’s article (“Philosophy: The Roots of Vain Deceit,” May 20) on the relationship between evangelicalism’s problems with inerrancy and her relative ignorance of philosophy. The article was excellent. It should be made to be a “forced reading requirement” for the tenure of all evangelical ...

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