A psychology professor at California State University, Herb Goldberg, tells the following story: “When I was 12 years old my father mocked me for crying one time. I consciously made a decision right then and there that I would never cry again. And I kept it, too, for years. When I finally realized crying is good, and that men need to cry too, I couldn’t do it anymore. Since then, I’ve been trying to learn to cry again, and it’s been very difficult. The same thing goes for other feelings. It’s very hard for me to let myself experience them most of the time” (The Other Side: “I Never Saw Clark Kent Cry”).

Unfortunately, our society has relegated characteristics such as sensitivity and gentleness to the feminine. Feminists have gone so far as to suggest that God is female because he demonstrates these qualities.

It has been stated that TV for the 1980s will promote women as dominant, aggressive, and successful. In contrast, picture the recent commercial for a bath product—an unattractive, pudgy man playing in the bathtub with his rubber duck.

Is it any wonder that boys grow up not knowing who they are, what they should be, and how they should act?

A Different Mold

There once lived a man who exuded confidence and authority. He knew why he was here and where he was going. His purpose kept him from being side-tracked by the errant philosophies of his day. He was not afraid of being thought weak when he cuddled children or treated women with respect. He showed affection to his close friends. Public opinion did not alter his behavior or pressure him into conforming to the status quo.

However, by today’s standards he was a failure, a drifter. During the critical years of his life he held no steady job. He never began a business or joined a progressive company. He bypassed political power and cared nothing for prestige. He never starred in the National Football League. Somewhat of a revolutionary, he ignored certain social customs. He wandered about, finding food where he could and sleeping from place to place. Yet he remains the one consistent role model for masculinity today. In fact, he personifies the perfect role model for both males and females, since he was the perfect human.

It is helpful to look at the male aspect of Jesus Christ in his humanity, for he portrayed a theology of maleness. He was a picture of masculinity, a role model for boys to follow as they grow up learning to be men. His relationship to his Father, his understanding of himself, and his involvement with others paint for us a picture worth our study.

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His Relationship To His Father

Today many observe the male role model in fathers who are uncertain about how to handle their maleness, or in peers who have no better information than they do themselves. TV broadcasts have misconstrued information and distorted practice. The present generation has grown up on a diet of an exaggerated macho male image—the well-built, handsome athlete with a beer can in his hand and the latest model car in his driveway. He seeks recognition by his own effort.

What a contrast that is to the solitary man climbing a mountain to commune with his Father. He prayed all night before choosing his 12 disciples. His dependence on the Father forced him to be a man of prayer.

Luke says, “But he himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray” (Luke 5:16). His habit of prayer led him to Gethsemane where he fell on his face under an old olive tree. His face contorted as he poured out his dread of the approaching cross. Blood and sweat drained down his face, soaked his beard, and stained his robe. Sobs convulsed his rugged frame as he struggled to learn obedience by the things he suffered.

His submission was demonstrated throughout his life as he lived by the principles of Scripture. “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God’ ” (Matt. 4:4, NASB).

He refuted the critical Pharisees. “The Son can do nothing of himself, unless it is something he sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner” (John 5:19).

Paul says that Christ emptied himself, gave up his right to equality with God, and humbled himself to become a man, a servant of men. He voluntarily laid aside the independent exercise of his divine power, placing himself under the authority of his father and allowing the Holy Spirit to control him (Phil. 2:5–8; Luke 4:1).

Man was created to enjoy fellowship with God, achieved with the dependence upon God demonstrated by Jesus Christ.

His Self-Understanding

Jesus Christ stands in sharp contrast to a culture that judges manhood by appearance and status. Many in society applaud the macho, athletic body, but Isaiah prophesied concerning Jesus, “He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to him” (Isa. 53:2).

Society lauds the man with power, prestige, and wealth. Jesus said, “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:4).

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Society says: Express yourself, demand your rights, get ahead in life. Jesus said, “If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, he is the one who will save it” (Luke 9:23–24).

Today we see severe pressure from the business and professional world to believe that real men make it to the top financially, politically, and socially, To do this, many men avoid family responsibility, leaving it to their wives. They may live out a passive example at home, or escape altogether. Others, to hide their weakness and inadequacy, become authoritarian Still others choose a deviated sexual identity, the ultimate role confusion.

By contrast, Jesus Christ, the perfect example of masculinity, walked through life with an air of confidence and courage. Accused by unbelieving religious leaders, he could retort, “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father.… But because I speak the truth, you do not believe me” (John 8:44–45). His courage lashed whipping cords through the temple when it was desecrated by money changers and by bawling firstborn calves.

He knew he was the Christ, sent from the Father to accomplish salvation. His purpose sent him, face like a flint, to Jerusalem to die. Understanding his person and his destiny allowed him to speak with authority.

Yet with all his confidence he remained perfectly adjusted to his own person, in tune with his feelings. Our failure here has produced tragic results. Consider a mother’s letter recorded in A Reward from the Lord: “Just before Stuart entered fourth grade we moved to an industrial area where we lived throughout his high school years. Boys were tough and athletic in this community, and the school drop-out ratio was high. Stuart soon learned that it was not acceptable for a boy to be musical, artistic, or intelligent; he was all three.… Unfortunately, the church and Christian schools in the area reflected the values of the community. Consequently, Stuart spent his early teens denying what he was by nature.”

To escape his misery, Stuart, like thousands of other young boys, turned to drugs and wasted his life.

Like Stuart, Jesus was a sensitive person, but he did not hesitate to weep publicly at the death of his friend Lazarus. He cried with compassion over the rebellion of Jerusalem. The suffering of death produced in him an agony inappropriate to today’s male image.

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He acknowledged his need for communion with his Father and fellowship with other men. He associated with 12 disciples, enjoyed an intimate relationship with Peter and James, and apparently had a special love for John. He seems to have been close to both men and women in his larger circle of disciples.

Accepting his humanity enabled him to express his feelings in any situation without embarrassment. The Pharisees’ rejection never intimidated him, nor did he respond defensively. His confidence lay cemented in the knowledge that his purpose was always to do the Father’s will.

Involvement With Others

Jesus hiked both difficult trails and pleasant hillsides, and also mingled in the marketplaces. Sweat matted his hair. He sometimes smelled of the sea, of fish drying under the sun. His eyes revealed the pain of loneliness, the flash of anger, the delight of a man who loves children. His identification with humanity demonstrated God’s design for masculinity.

His acceptance of himself freed him from self-preoccupation so he could minister to others. He displayed authority and leadership, clothed with gentleness. On one hand, he was not heavy-handedly authoritarian; on the other hand, he was not passive, shifting his responsibilities to the disciples or the women around him.

He came as a servant to give his life. He washed the disciples’ feet, the job for the lowliest slave in the household. His manliness wore the homespun garment of a servant as well as the robes of authority.

How different it is today. Boys are urged to “kill ‘em” on the football field, and they learn to avoid any expression of tender feeling. To assume responsibility or to care for someone weaker is in itself considered weakness. Society often abuses and disdains the “different” boy, the one who is timid or feeble. A man’s man is rough, tough, and strong. Rudeness is often tolerated as masculinity.

Yet Jesus expressed his feelings openly, not needing to be stoical or indifferent or brutal as little boys are often taught today. He wept with his friends who grieved over death. It is easy to picture him laughing with the children who danced around him, tugged at his robe, and pressed close to get a hug.

He was strikingly concerned for the needs of others—the poor, sick, elderly, oppressed. He was “moved with compassion” for the dirty leper and the hungry, wandering multitude.

Rather than being instruments of harshness, his hands soothed and healed the man born blind, Peter’s mother-in-law, the daughter of the synagogue official.

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How different is this gentleness from much of what we see of distorted maleness today. My husband once greeted a massive seminarian who held the hand of his small son. Squatting to make eye contact with the boy, my husband said, “You’re quite a little man.”

“No, he’s not. He’s a sissy!” responded the father.

Will such a boy grow up to be the kind of man who can be sensitive and affectionate?

Jesus did not fear being thought a sissy for demonstrating his affection in public. Consider his use of touch. He allowed the beloved disciple John to lay his head on his breast. He accepted a demonstration of Mary’s deep devotion as she anointed his feet with precious ointment.

Jesus received people as they were, although he rejected their sin and tried to lift them to a higher plane of purity. Gini Andrews says of him, “He was mild with the strength it takes to be gentle when confronted with weakness or stupidity” (Sons of Freedom). Yet, when necessary, forcefulness pushed through his humility, as in his response to Herod: “Go tell that fox … or to the Pharisees, whom he called “white-washed tombs.”

Women today are often pictured as paper dolls, playthings for men who, James Bond style, use them as they wish. But Jesus, aware of the sensitivity of women, treated them with gentleness. Consider the immoral woman who washed his feet with her tears, Mary sitting at his feet, even Martha as he chided her for her inverted priorities. He responded to the widow of Nain and showed concern for those women who stood by watching him as he stumbled toward his death. Yet his sensitivity was not saccharine or cloying. He laid it on the line to the woman of Samaria, and to the Syrophoenician woman.

Jesus Christ remains the one perfect example of complete humanity. Following his masculine role model will not produce a stereotype, an assembly line production of maleness. Because of his infinity, his life develops in each man—and each woman—a unique representation of himself, with multitudinous shades of character, producing no two disciples alike.

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