Speaking out: Don’t Lie to Homosexuals

At a recent gathering of friends, the conversation turned to homosexuality. Within minutes it was clear we were not all of one mind.

We could all be described as evangelical Christians who have a high view of Scripture. But we do not see eye to eye on whether a person can be engaged in a monogamous, noncelibate homosexual relationship and still be living within God’s standards of sexual behavior. When I expressed my view that such behavior is sinful, I was surprised at the response from one of my friends:

“You’re just homophobic.”

That hurt. Deeply. My best friend is gay. So is a very close family member. These are two people I love very much. I care deeply about their physical and spiritual well-being. In fact, it is because I love them that I want them to know the facts about their lifestyle. Knowing them has changed my views about homosexuals as persons. It has forced me to struggle with the issue far more than I would have otherwise. But it has not changed my position on homosexuality as a lifestyle.

Having listened to my gay friends recount horror stories of mean-spirited treatment by Christians, I have had to take inventory of my own attitudes. Yes, I have used pejoratives like queer and faggot. Yes, I have bought into unkind stereotypes. Repentance has not come easily. But in wrestling with a genuine desire to treat homosexuals compassionately, I honestly wonder how far I must go on behalf of those I know will disagree with me.

I have been running into a similar dilemma a lot lately with my teenage son. He thinks if I loved him I would let him do things that might be harmful to him. He would prefer I said, “Because I love you, I will no longer point out harmful things you do because I don’t want you to feel bad.” Instead, I refuse to let him go to a particular dance club notorious for drugs and violence, even if my hard-nosed refusal erects barriers to our communication. Eventually, I trust, he will see that I cared for his well-being. It’s not a perfect analogy, but close.

Telling the truth

God loved us enough to give us behavioral standards that, when followed, produce happier, healthier lives. Is it homophobic to want my homosexual friend and family member to enjoy good health and a lifestyle free of guilt? Is it wrong to report the medical truth that anal intercourse and other more intrusive practices used by male homosexuals are unhealthy, perhaps deadly? Wouldn’t it be better for them to find out now rather than later, from a proctologist faced with the task of repairing a damaged rectum, or from another doctor faced with perhaps an even more daunting task?

I honestly wish I could look my gay friend in the eye and say, “What you are doing with your lover is not wrong in God’s eyes.” But I believe we do a disservice to those within the homosexual community when we cease being the only truthful, biblical voice on this subject. Virtually every other segment of society is telling the homosexual it is okay to engage in homosexual behavior. Is it really our role to focus solely on acceptance of the person without recognizing the sinfulness of the behavior?

That was the church’s mistake on divorce; now we have twice-and thrice-divorced leaders of churches, laypersons confused on the biblical grounds for or against divorce, and a record on marriage and family not significantly different from that of nonbelievers.

I think many of us who were pushing for greater acceptance of the divorced now wonder, in retrospect, if we went too far. We suspect we should have been more biblically directed about restoring divorced persons to spiritual leadership roles, and less eager to find them loopholes to remarry with the church’s full blessing. I can see us having the same regrets regarding homosexuality in about 20 years.

Evangelicals have a long way to go in knowing how to respond to this highly charged issue. A good place to start is with one’s own heart. If God can love the most militant, blatant, promiscuous homosexual, then so can we. Accepting this biblical truth, however, should not stifle honest dialogue about homosexual behavior.

Isn’t it time we realized that one of the most compassionate things we can do for homosexuals, and the kingdom, is to tell them the truth?

The writer asked to remain anonymous to protect individuals mentioned in this column. Speaking Out does not necessarily reflect the views of CHRISTIANITY TODAY.

Speaking Out does not necessarily reflect the views of Christianity Today.

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