Speaking out: Focus Your Family

A corporate mission statement is a professional necessity in today’s high-stakes marketplace, and we invest countless hours drafting one. Knowing where you are going as a company, and the part each employee plays in getting there, is a key to business success.

Our families, too, need a vision. Moms and Dads sometimes act as if it is enough simply to feed, clothe, shelter, and educate their children. They hope their kids will automatically become men and women of purpose, integrity, and compassion. But how?

Even the “good kids”—those who don’t get involved with drugs, sex, or violence—are often at loose ends. Every family needs a vision statement of its own to keep the household focused and enthusiastic.

We found that by putting our family vision in writing, we greatly reduced lying, stealing, fighting, gossiping, and self-centeredness. Parents and children cease to be adversaries when they share a common vision. We discovered for ourselves the biblical truth that “a house divided against itself … cannot stand.”

But how does a family go about drafting a vision statement? Here are a few suggestions:

• Call a family meeting. To take ownership, everyone must have input.

• Ask the key questions: Why were we given to each other? Why this particular mix of personalities and temperaments? What special gifts, talents, and insights does each family member bring to the table? What are the biblical standards for our success as a family? How can we maximize our effectiveness as a family team?

• Create a draft statement based on the common goals stated in that meeting. Bring it back to the family to edit.

• Post your family vision in a high-traffic location where everyone can read and affirm what you stand for.

• Broach the vision at dinner periodically and ask how the family thinks it is measuring up.

Here is what our family of six agreed would be the Kelly family vision statement: “We have been given to each other in order to spur one another on to personal excellence. We will pray, encourage, cheer, and weep with one another until and beyond the point each is able to stand life’s gale without falling. We will give love unconditionally, forgiveness without measure, comfort at a moment’s notice, and a good report always. We will create a family life sorely missed when we are absent, one to be mirrored should any child of this family one day be favored with a home, spouse, and children of his or her own. We will seek and support ways in which each of us can express our faith in God to the world at large. We will, with God’s help, make a difference.”

The biblical standard for personal excellence is exceedingly high. It is a stretch, and in our humanity, the Kellys fail often. If we want high results, we must set high goals.

We saw some dramatic outcomes: Arguments lost their steam when we met in the living room to pray aloud for the family member immediately to each person’s left.

And we experienced some emotionally charged times. When one of our children was caught shoplifting, we called a family meeting. What affects one, affects all. We prayed, wept together, forgave, and encouraged the fallen one to repent, make restoration, and move on in victory. Our support said, “We’re with you through thick and thin.” The shoplifting stopped.

Be open and honest when someone’s actions fly in the face of your carefully crafted vision. When our son took the family van without permission in the middle of the night, we discovered it was not the first time he had clandestinely gone to visit a girlfriend.

I told him I was surprised by what he had done and was at a loss to know what to do. I asked what he would do if he were me. To my surprise, he chose a punishment more severe than the grounding I would have given him.

Maybe one day your grown daughter will come to you, as mine did to me, and say, “Thanks, Dad. You know, I never wanted to do anything wrong for fear it would come to a family meeting.”

By Clint Kelly, author of Me Parent, You Kid! Taming the Family Zoo.

Speaking Out does not necessarily reflect the views of CHRISTIANITY TODAY.

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