Mr. 3000

Bernie Mac has a talent for cussing. He really does. Whether it's accompanied by his trademark look of incredulity, his "come to papa" grin, or something in between, few people have his timing or panache when it comes to the delivery of a well-placed expletive. It's a talent that can take you pretty far in the entertainment industry, but it still can't carry a movie, as Mac's latest outing, Mr. 3000, demonstrates.

In the movie, Mac plays Stan Ross, a baseball player who likes to call himself "the king with a swing" among other grandiose things. We meet him as he makes his 3,000th base hit. He struts to the plate, takes verbal jabs at everyone within earshot, and drills the ball straight at the pitcher. Men everywhere cringe in unison. In retribution the pitcher throws the landmark ball, which Ross is already demanding from his place on first base, into the stands. Ross throws a fit and climbs into the stands to find the ball. A young boy holds it up happily, hoping to have it autographed. But instead Ross threatens the kid, grabs the ball, and stalks back to the field.

Actions might speak louder than words, but in this case both are shouting, "Saul Ross is an arrogant jerk!"

After the game Ross quits baseball and retires, despite the fact that his team, the Milwaukee Brewers, is in the pennant race. He figures that with 3,000 hits under his belt, he's guaranteed a spot in the Baseball Hall of Fame. And that's all he cares about. Ross proceeds to build a strip mall empire based on his Mr. 3000 moniker ("Get your eat on at 3,000 woks!") and waits to join "all the other immortals" in baseball history.

Nine years later, he's still waiting for enshrinement in Cooperstown.

Induction to the Hall of Fame is based on the votes of sportswriters, ...

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