A decade ago, if you broke up with a guy, or needed to avoid him, it would probably be a matter of chance as to whether or not you’d bump into him somewhere. Maybe you’d say an awkward hello and walk the other way. All in all, it was pretty straightforward. Go where he doesn’t. Live your life. The end.

Now, it’s not about chance. It’s about choices. Tons and tons of choices.

The social media fiasco of “should we stay friends with our exes or not” is complicated. I spent years feeling unsure of what I should do. When you’re a caring, Christ-following woman and you’re dealing with relationships that were once so close and important, it’s hard to think of any other option than staying friends. It’s hard to be a nice girl and still have firm boundaries. Married or single, it just is.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat—there are plenty of ways to connect with (or simply observe) an ex in trivial ways. And as harmless as it may seem, it may actually be doing you a world of hurt to stay in contact with that boy you crushed on all through college. As a matter of fact, in 2011, lawyers polled said Facebook was the third leading cause of divorce in the cases they worked on. People connecting with their old flames or meeting someone new on Mark Zuckerberg’s brainchild was the third leading cause of divorce.

Nice Girls

A few years ago I encountered a man (at a 20somethings ministry at my church, of all places) who didn’t have good boundaries. I was seeing someone else at the time, but this guy would still make borderline inappropriate comments to me, ask if he could see me in private, and message me on Facebook. I distinctly remember a weekend trip to ...

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