Approximately 1 out of every 4 Christians will encounter adult onset Calvinism (commonly known as AOC) during their life, either personally or in someone close to them. It can be a scary thing to encounter, especially if you’re not familiar with the symptoms. The person you once knew and loved is suddenly a completely different person.

Don’t panic.

It gets better.

To help you navigate the treacherous waters of AOC, I’ve listed the possible symptoms you may encounter.

• A sudden urge to correct everything and everyone all the time about every possible thing.

• A growing conviction that every worship song you’ve ever sung is heretical and should be excised from the church catalog, including the Nicene Creed, Doxology, and most of the Psalms.

• A strange and inexplicable ability to listen to 300 John Piper sermons in a single day.

• A burning passion to convert everyone, especially your extremely godly parents WHO TAUGHT YOU THE BIBLE, to Calvinism.

Leaders are tempted by power, and its misuse. Pride and ego are great temptations for a leader, and they each manifest themselves in a variety of destructive ways. Sexual temptation brings down dozens of successful leaders in the kingdom of God, whether we find out about it in the news or not. However, none of these are the most common or most destructive of the temptations leaders in the kingdom of God face.

The most destructive temptation for a leader is one that seems innocuous. It doesn’t seem all that harmful at the start, and we merely pity or ignore those who succumb to it. What’s more, those who fall victim to this temptation don’t lose their jobs; they keep them, often for a very long time. And that is part of the tragedy and destruction that comes from this temptation.

So, what is the most destructive temptation of a leader?

Checking out.

This past spring my pastor said to me, “The sheep never stop needing a shepherd.” In context he was saying, “I kept waiting for a time when the sheep wouldn’t need me so badly, for a time when they’d grow up and mature, but the truth is as long as God has me here, I’m their shepherd and am called to them.”

This morning we read Psalm 23 and John 10 and last night in a meeting we talked about what faithful and good shepherding looks like and how we fail at it so often. A good sermon does not a good shepherd make. A good spreadsheet does not a good shepherd make. And a good event planner does not a good shepherd make.

To know what makes a good shepherd, we look to the Good Shepherd, Christ.

A good shepherd leaves the flock to find the one (John 10:16)
Good shepherding means at times the majority of the flock may feel left alone, but if they know their shepherd, they trust he will return. They know the business of their shepherd, which is to care for each sheep—even the wayward ones. The good shepherd always returns and teaches his flock to rejoice at the homecoming of the lost.

Leaders are often applauded for and encouraged to develop “thick skin.” A leader with “thick skin” is not crushed by criticism nor destroyed by disappointing results. The pain, the criticism, the challenges seem to “roll-off” the leader’s skin without seeping into the leader’s heart. While a leader with “thin skin” is often paralyzed by challenges or criticism, a leader with “thick skin” is able to handle adversity, push through challenges, and continue to lead in the midst of a difficult season.

In the same way, people long for and benefit from a leader with a “tender heart.” A leader with a tender heart is sensitive to others, wants the best for them, rejoices when they rejoice, and mourns when they mourn. A leader with a “tender heart” cares deeply for the people he/she serves alongside.

Is it even possible for a leader to have both, to possess thick skin and a tender heart? Those two are often painted as contrary to one another, as if a leader must choose between being “thick-skinned” and “tender-hearted.” But a leader must not choose between the two. The best leaders are both.

With regards to thick skin and tender hearts, here four types of leaders. Which type are you?

When soldiers accidentally shoot their allies in battle, it’s called “friendly fire.” That term falls short in describing what happens when a church leader takes a verbal shot at his or her own spiritual brother or sister.

Pastors and other church leaders are soldiers in a literal, albeit invisible, war. When you consider the collateral damage that results from some of our spiritual feuds, it gives us reason to pause and think before we shoot off our mouths at our allies.

I want to suggest a few ways church leaders can support, instead of shoot down, their colleagues.

1. Pray for and with each other.

Just a few hours before Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion, He took time to pray for His disciples to live and serve in unity.

“May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. May they also be one in Us, so the world may believe You sent Me … May they be made completely one, so the world may know You have sent Me” (John 17:21, 23).

Although those first century Christians would face horrendous persecution, Jesus knew future generations would face an even subtler enemy—disunity within the family of God.