Too many pastors' spouses and kids are living under an unreasonable pressure to perform, causing them to live a lie – to themselves and to others.

The only perfect relationship is among the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. When a pastor’s marriage and family are held to a higher standard than they're capable of living up to – than anyone is capable of living up to – they're being set up for disaster.

The world is filled with pastors and ex-pastors with shattered marriages and families that prove the sad truth behind this lie.

5. How Sure They are About the Church's Direction

We act like we have a clue. We don't. Not really.

Oh sure, every pastor should plan and pray about a vision for the church they're called to lead. And we should present that vision filled with faith and hope.

But we don't really know what the future holds. We've seen visions die before. Including our own. Especially if we've been pastoring for a while.

Plus, pastors aren't the only people capable of hearing from God and acting on it. If we really believe in the priesthood of believers, we should act like it. And that includes vision casting.

Resisting the Lies

Pastoring is hard work. But we make it harder than it should be by taking on greater burdens than we were ever meant to carry.

The only way to change this pastor-centric model and shift the burden and the glory back to where it belongs – on Jesus, not the pastor – is to insist on total honesty.

Be honest about how big (or small) the church is.

Only then can our egos get out of the way, allowing churches to be lead appropriately for their size.

Be honest about how healthy or unhealthy the church is.

Only with a proper diagnosis can we hope to treat the church's problems, challenges and possibilities correctly.

Be honest about your own spiritual and emotional health.

It's not right to expose every doubt and weakness to everyone, but we should never present a false self. And we all need to be vulnerable with someone we trust.

Be honest about your marriage and family.

We have to stop holding our spouses and kids up as public examples of unrealistic perfection. And don't let anyone else do it to them, either.

Be honest about the church's future.

If we can let go of our unrealistic (and often unbiblical) plans and expectations, we might find that Christ's plans are very different and far greater than anything we can even imagine. In his hands they’re quite attainable, too.

And that's no lie.

Copyright © 2016 by the author and Christianity Today.
Click here to read our guidelines concerning reprint permissions.