Whether you're a pastor or a friend, helping those who grieve requires special wisdom.

We want to provide some help in these pages. Instead of textbook advice, we have decided to follow a pastor and his wife through a devastating tragedy that happened to one of the families in their church. Included in this article are the private thoughts of the grieving widow, which eloquently describe her traumatic experience, and the long, slow, prayerful path back to faith.

On Sunday, March 18, 1979, Mrs. Stephanie Ambrose May lost

* her husband, John Edward May, 51, chief executive officer and chairman of the board of May Petroleum; a business and civic leader in Dallas, he received a doctorate from Southern Methodist University, and had completed Harvard's advanced management program.

* their son, Davin Edward May, 22, a senior at the University of Texas majoring in petroleum engineering.

* their daughter, Karla Emily May, 18, a senior at Highland Park High School.

* their son-in-law, Richard Owen Snyder, ...