Jump directly to the Content

In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar football phrases. Although these definitions are not the best football and certainly not the best theology, they would help initiate football fans into the complexities of church life.

EXTRA POINT: What you receive when you tell the preacher his sermon was too short.

FACE MASK: Smiling and saying everything is fine when it isn't.

BLOCKING: Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting.

DRAFT CHOICE: The decision to sit close to an air-conditioning vent.

DRAW PLAY: What restless children do during a long sermon.

END AROUND: Diaper-changing time in the nursery.

END ZONE: The pews.

FORWARD MOTION: The invitation at an evangelistic service.

FULLBACK: What the choir sees while the sermon is delivered.

HALFBACK: What the organist sees.

HASH MARKS: Stains left on the tablecloth after a potluck.

HEAD LINESMAN: The one who changes ...

Subscriber access only You have reached the end of this Article Preview

To continue reading, subscribe to Christianity Today magazine. Subscribers have full digital access to CT Pastors articles.

September
Support Our Work

Subscribe to CT for less than $4.25/month

Homepage Subscription Panel

Read These Next

Related
30 Christian Stock Photos of Limited Appeal
Beautiful letdowns
30 Christian Stock Photos of Limited Appeal
Fine. That's an understatement.
From the Magazine
How Americans Got Away with Abortion Before ‘Roe v. Wade’
How Americans Got Away with Abortion Before ‘Roe v. Wade’
Looking ahead, Christians should focus less on enforcement than on changing cultural attitudes.
Editor's Pick
In Our Pandemic-Scarred Churches, God Is Making All Things New
In Our Pandemic-Scarred Churches, God Is Making All Things New
A look inside our fall issue of CT Pastors.
close