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I need an "old man".


I need someone who has asked the same questions and doesn't think I'm a heretic.


I want to know that some pastor out there made it. I don't mean that he became a religious success story, but that he completed the race. I want to know that he didn't have to lose his sanity or morality to do it. I want to know that ministry really is what we say it is. I want hope that I will really be more than what I do, and stay true to who I am.

I need an old man.

The need

Neil Young, in his song "Old Man," sings, "Hey, Old Man, take a look at yourself: you're a lot like me. I need someone to show me the whole way through."

Sometimes I feel like a windmill—blowing in the wind so fast but never going anywhere. Sometimes I feel like a small, hyperactive child who never grew up; I just got older.

I need a pastor who will show me his scars so I'll know I can survive being cut open. I need an old man who has asked the same questions I've asked and doesn't think I'm ...

January/February
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