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My Secret Struggle


Over the years, LEADERSHIP has earned a reputation for addressing ministry issues realistically and redemptively. Occasionally that means tackling a taboo.

Seventeen years ago we published "The War Within," an anonymous minister's battle with lust and voyeurism. With its realistic depiction of sexual temptation, it quickly became one of our most controversial—and most requested—articles.

Nearly two decades later, sexual temptations in various forms continue to plague those in ministry. The following is one pastor's lengthy struggle to overcome homosexual thoughts and desires. Like "The War Within," this is a straightforward account of a sensitive subject, but we believe its publication could be a first step in helping other Christian leaders who are privately facing a similar struggle.

Some days the urge to fantasize wasn't so bad. I'd be engrossed in my work, and the thoughts wouldn't even enter my head. Those were the times that I loved ...

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