Seminar titles rarely snare my attention. They're often too pat or too hyped. But in a planning meeting for the National Pastors Convention (to be held in February in San Diego), this seminar title by Gary Thomas made my brainwaves quiver: "What if God designed marriage to make us more holy than happy?"

I laughed out loud.

Nearly 20 years of marriage, full and rich marriage, have nonetheless taught me that marriage by design exerts a relentless pressure on my self-absorption. It challenges me to serve, to sacrifice, to love — in short, to grow up. Martin Luther called marriage The School of Character.

Contrary to hundreds of Hollywood romance movies, marriage is not primarily designed to make us happy. God is not primarily interested in our happiness, but in something deeper and more lasting: our holiness. Or we might say that God is so interested in our long-term happiness — our eternal joy, which only holiness leads to — that he reserves the right to sacrifice ...