This morning I had a terrifying realization. I'd started the day in my typical fashion, by skimming my Facebook wall and Twitter feed to find an article worth reading—a friend-approved, literary jolt to motivate the hamster in my head to start its daily run. Scrolling through these articles is a bit like walking through a middle school hallway, with all the usual suspects: the nerds correcting everyone's theological grammar, the goths singing dirges of the church's imminent demise, the cool kids gossiping about some pastor's latest faux pas.

I finally clicked on a link to one of those "How to Get the Average Millennial to Come to Church" articles, expecting a satisfying eye roll. Instead, my jaw dropped and I let out a tiny yelp. This average Millennial, the one that everyone's trying so hard to understand—it's me!

My heart started pounding as I read through the descriptors. "Average Millennials hold multiple degrees." Check. "They are technologically savvy." Check. "Many haven't ...