If marriages
Are made in Heaven,
they should be happier.
Thomas Southerne

Every once in a while I hear of a couple married dozens of years who "never quarreled once." I always wonder if they're amnesiacs or liars.

Place two sentient people together in marriage, and conflict is bound to occur. In measured doses, conflict can be productive; it forces growth and change, compromise and resolution. It releases tensions constructively rather than letting them build to dangerous levels.

But when does the normal jostling of any marriage relationship become a crisis? "It needs to be defined by the individuals involved," offers Ed Smelser, a counselor at Fairhaven Ministries in Roan Mountain, Tennessee. "Just as some people can handle more physical pain than others, some couples tolerate more marital discord. But a body can stand only a certain amount of pounding, and a couple can take only so much anger and quarreling. Tension is inevitable. Arguments are common. But ...