{"id":14667,"date":"2007-07-12T09:40:03","date_gmt":"2007-07-12T09:40:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/2007\/07\/12\/le-9l2-9l2086\/"},"modified":"2007-07-12T09:40:03","modified_gmt":"2007-07-12T09:40:03","slug":"le-9l2-9l2086","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/le-9l2-9l2086\/","title":{"rendered":"Developing Your Discernment"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nT<\/strong>he musicians of the New York\nPhilharmonic Orchestra were once asked to name the most effective conductor.\nArturo Toscanini won, hands down. When asked why, one of the instrumentalists\nsaid, “He could anticipate when you were about to make a mistake and keep\nyou from making it.”<\/p>\n

\nHe had discernment.<\/p>\n

\nDiscernment, like musical talent, is innate, but it’s not like the gift of\nperfect pitch. The gift of discernment can be taught, practiced, and developed.<\/p>\n

\nI have known many excellent leaders who were not given the gift of discernment.\nThey could not read people. They read figures. They excelled in science,\nengineering, mathematics, and administration. They depended on management\nskills and organization.<\/p>\n

\nThose blessed with even a little discernment, however, could develop significant\nsensitivity and intuition. I am one of those, having used discernment for\nmany years both in manufacturing (overseeing 2,500 employees) and in ministry\n(chairing several national ministries).<\/p>\n

\nIf I could read my people correctly, I could make the most of their productivity\nand minimize their mistakes.<\/p>\n

\nCatching what others miss<\/strong>\nWords are the windows to the mind. Socrates said, “Speak, young man, that\nI might know you.” Productive listening is active and intense. It is hearing\nmore than words. Most of the time we get a general concept of what people\nare saying, just enough to maintain conversation.<\/p>\n

\nUsing our discernment to lead requires much more.<\/p>\n

\nFirst, make sure you understand the meaning<\/em> of words, both dictionary\nand colloquial. Slang is part of colloquial listening. For example, when\nyoung people say “bad” or “nasty,” they many times mean “exceptionally good.”\nAnd if you’re unsure about a meaning, ask. I have never known a really\nintelligent person who will let you use a word they don’t know without stopping\nyou to ask its meaning. The meaning is crucial to the understanding.<\/p>\n

\nNext, listen to the selection<\/em> of words. Word choice discloses several\nthings, including a person’s reasoning ability, his prejudices (using pejorative\nwords), and desire to impress (inappropriate use of large words). Words give\nclues whether a person is primarily intellectual or emotional. Individuals\nwith precise minds use precise language. Often, sensitive people use poetic\nwords.<\/p>\n

\nYou can often determine whether individuals think in principles or techniques.\nCan they explain things several ways? How broadly do they illustrate? If\na person illustrates from many different areas, he can see a similar principle\nrunning through the different experiences.<\/p>\n

\nThe use of words and accents also gives us a glimpse into someone’s past.\nBuddy Rich, the drummer, told me that he could hear a player’s history when\nhe played jazz. He knew whom he had been listening to, whom he idolized,\ngenerally what part of the country he came from, and whether he had a religious\nbackground.<\/p>\n

\nPeople who have a public vocabulary different from their private one sometimes\nlet a private word slip into the public expression, and that opens a window\ninto the person’s thought process.<\/p>\n

\nThen notice the manipulation<\/em> of words. Does a person put a “spin”\non descriptions of people or events? For instance, those who use diplomatic\nlanguage ordinarily want to avoid offending anyone, which to a discerning\nleader means you’re probably not getting the whole story.<\/p>\n

\nHear what they don’t say<\/strong>\nOnce our top salesman became an alcoholic. We worked to scrape him off the\nbottom and get him back sober and on top. As he and I walked into a sales\nmeeting, he lingered a moment and said, “This help I’m getting is going to\nkeep me from drinking, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

\nThe negative tone in “isn’t it” signaled that he was losing confidence, that\nwe had better get back with him quickly or he would be back on the booze.<\/p>\n

\nThis is what I call “latent listening.” With this, we try to learn why the\nperson says what he says and why he says it at this particular time and in\nthis particular way.<\/p>\n

\nListen for three things: tone, pace, and rhythm.<\/p>\n

\nTone <\/strong><\/em>is generally driven by underlying emotions. If the tone\nis judgmental, I generally suspect self-righteousness or cynicism. A negative\ntone generally denotes a negative feeling about the subject.<\/p>\n

\nInterpreting laughter among associates is instructive. Where the communication\nrelationship is open and free, so is the laughter. If it is just polite,\nderisive, or carrying innuendo, there is discord.<\/p>\n

\n

Like musical\nability, discernment
\ncan be taught, practiced, and developed.<\/p>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n\n

\nThose who clearly speak in controlled tones also raise a question as to why.\nFor example, on a witness stand often you see people trying to control their\nvoices. Is it because they’re right or because they’re afraid of being found\nout?<\/p>\n

\nPace<\/em><\/strong> is also affected by emotion. Generally an excited person\nspeaks more quickly and the pitch rises.<\/p>\n

\nOne night I was visiting with a psychiatrist friend in a social situation,\nand he asked me about an economic principle that I knew only vaguely. I knew\nhe didn’t know anything about it, so I waded in with great authority. When\nI finished he said, “You know very little about the subject.” I confessed,\nand asked him how he knew. He said, “Because your pace and tone changed,\ntelling me that you were on shaky ground.”<\/p>\n

\nTalking excessively is always questionable and generally is born of a desire\nto impress, intimidate, or ingratiate. Talking too loudly can be a control\nfactor.<\/p>\n

\nRhythm <\/em><\/strong>is harder to interpret. An interesting conversationalist\nor speaker always has an interesting rhythm. A boring person has a sonorous\nrhythm. Rhythm many times indicates personal involvement with the subject.\nSometimes rhythm suggests a dramatic performance rather than personal\ncommunication.<\/p>\n

\nSometimes it’s important to interpret interruptions. These vary from discourteous\nto respectful. We normally think that a person interrupting is indicating\nthat what he wants to say is more important than what is being said. On the\nother hand, it could be a subtle attempt to change the subject to protect\nsomeone or to add a different line of thought to the original one. Occasionally\nit just shows enthusiastic agreement that can’t be withheld.<\/p>\n

\nInterruptions in a group often mean the person is trying to take control\nin expressing power and rank, like a general interrupting a colonel. Often\nthese people try to hold the conversation or guide it by difficult questions\nor confrontation.<\/p>\n

\nAs you can tell by now, I am vitally interested in listening, particularly\nlatent listening, which is a large window of the mind. The reason a person\nsays something can range from flattery to hostility.<\/p>\n

\nListening to innuendo becomes a fascinating activity. Recently I heard a\nwoman say to another, “I love that dress, always have.” Ouch.<\/p>\n

\nWhat’s the rest of the body saying?<\/strong>\nPeople not only talk with their mouths, they speak with their bodies. I once\nhad an associate whose eyes would slightly mist over when he was shading\nthe truth. Babe Ruth was ineffective as a pitcher because he developed the\nhabit of sticking his tongue out when he was going to throw a curve ball.<\/p>\n

\nReading body language has been oversimplified by charlatans. I’ve attended\nseminars on the subject that defined specific body movements generically\nand applied them universally. This is quackery. For example, I remember one\nspeaker saying that when a person crosses his arms he is being defensive.\nNot necessarily. Maybe the room is cold. One of the most extroverted men\nI know does this when he gets excited, and I think he’s hugging himself rather\nthan defending himself.<\/p>\n

\nNevertheless, body language is important and should be carefully observed,\ninvestigated, and verified in each specific instance.<\/p>\n

\nGestures and words should agree. When they are in conflict, there is a reason.\nA psychiatrist pointed out how a prominent politician who spoke constantly\nof how he loved people used hacking motions.<\/p>\n

\nOne of the greatest salesmen I’ve ever known, the president of a jewelry\ncompany, had a genuine radar for people. He told me, “Don’t watch what a\nman can control. Watch what he isn’t thinking to control.” I once had an\nassociate who, when he became irritated, patted his feet on the floor. It\nwas important to notice that, because he’d learned to control his facial\nexpression. Only the foot let me know how he felt.<\/p>\n

\nCoaches, sports commentators, and competitors constantly read the opponents’\nbody language. Commentator Isiah Thomas once noted that a player was losing\nconfidence because he passed off instead of taking an open shot.<\/p>\n

\nMost capable executives can walk into a plant and read the work pace in the\nemployees’ body language. I can usually read a speaker’s emotions, nerves,\nlevel of concentration, degree of preparation, and involvement with the subject\nthrough his demeanor, for I’ve been there so many times myself.<\/p>\n

\nOnce I was invited by a friend to sit in on a conversation between a father\nand son who were having a problem. I wasn’t part of the conversation so I\nconcentrated on the boy’s face to see if I could read any changing expressions.\nWhen one matter came up, he developed a tic. Later the subject came up again\nand his face again twitched. I joined the conversation and raised the subject\nonce more. Again his face showed the tic. The tic and the general feel of\nthe confrontation gave me the impression that he was lying. When I challenged\nhim, he confessed.<\/p>\n

\nHis father later told me his son said, “I’m afraid of that guy. He can read\nyour mind.” No, I was simply observing his face.<\/p>\n

\nWhispers of discernment<\/strong>\nMaybe as a leader, you have the natural talent and desire to lead but lack\nsome skills. You can compensate for that with discernment.<\/p>\n

\nWhen I saw the old wrangler on whose life the movie The Horse Whisperer<\/em>\nwas based, I felt a kindred spirit. He had used empathy rather than dominance.\nHe adopted a different role for the wrangler and a different experience for\nthe horse. He moved from a hierarchical system, which was tyrannical, to\na team or mutual interest. He no longer depended on the horse’s fear but\non its friendship. His orders became friendly suggestions, which he knew\nwould be accepted. He knew how to read the horse.<\/p>\n

\nReading people is a major advantage in church leadership. It enables the\nleader to combine the individual’s passion and gifts for the ultimate good\nof the cause and the glory of God.<\/p>\n

\n

\nThis article is excerpted from <\/em>Leading with Integrity: Competence\nwith Christian Character, the fifth volume in\nLeadership’s “Pastor’s\nSoul” book series<\/a>. To enroll in this series, call 800-806-7796, and mention\noffer E8A28. If you like the book, pay just $14.95; you’ll then receive the\nnext quarterly volume, and you may cancel at any time.<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n

Fred Smith<\/strong> is a business executive and a contributing \neditor of Leadership \n465 Gundersen Dr. \nCarol Stream IL 60188\n<\/p>\n

Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today\/Leadership<\/em> Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200\nor contact us<\/a>.\n<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The musicians of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra were once asked to name the most effective conductor. Arturo Toscanini won, hands down. When asked why, one of the instrumentalists said, “He could anticipate when you were about to make a mistake and keep you from making it.” He had discernment. Discernment, like musical talent, is Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1585],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[156],"tax_ctp_tags":[3613,3790,3793,4351,5046,5048,5049,5279],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-14667","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-fred-smith","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-church-leadership","tax_ctp_tags-discernment","tax_ctp_tags-discipleship","tax_ctp_tags-leadership","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-formation","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-gifts","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-growth","tax_ctp_tags-wisdom"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nDeveloping 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