{"id":14728,"date":"2007-07-12T08:43:45","date_gmt":"2007-07-12T08:43:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/2007\/07\/12\/le-9l1-9l1094\/"},"modified":"2007-07-12T08:43:45","modified_gmt":"2007-07-12T08:43:45","slug":"le-9l1-9l1094","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/le-9l1-9l1094\/","title":{"rendered":"Mentoring that Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nM<\/strong>entoring\nmay seem new, but actually it is one of the oldest and best methods of learning.\nIn times before degrees were mandatory, the mentoring system was the accepted\none, not only in manual skills but in the professions, such as medicine and\nlaw.<\/p>\n

\nRay Stedman, who pastored Peninsula Bible Church in California for many years,\nbelieved in and practiced the apprentice method. He always had a few young\nmen on staff who would travel with him; together they would study, observe,\nand delineate the scriptural principles of life. These mentorees saw how\nthe work was done and how to apply their learning in practical ways.<\/p>\n

\nAs we look at Scripture, we immediately think of Paul and Timothy. From the\ntext I don’t know how much technical skill Paul gave him as a missionary,\nbut we do know Paul was an excellent role model and sponsor. He let Timothy\nobserve him at work. Paul promoted him to the churches.<\/p>\n

\nThe responsibility of the mentor is to be open, real, and personify consistently\nwho he is so the young person receives a clear, consistent signal. The real\nresponsibility is on the young person to absorb and to observe correctly.<\/p>\n

\nIncreasingly churches are starting mentoring programs. A common mistake is\nthat older men visit with younger men without an agenda, eventually simply\nbecoming Bible study or prayer times. These are excellent activities, but\nthey are not mentoring.<\/p>\n

\nMentoring is a one-on-one relationship between a mentor and mentoree for\nthe specific and definable development of a skill or an art. One of my favorite\nmentoring stories is the young pianist who came to Leonard Bernstein and\nasked to be mentored by him. Bernstein said, “Tell me what you want to do\nand I will tell you whether or not you’re doing it.”<\/p>\n

\nWhen you analyze this, you realize Bernstein’s deep understanding of mentoring.\nThe young man initiated the contact, he had a specific request, and he made\nthe request of an authority—not that he might get rich as a concert pianist\nor famous like Bernstein, but that he might become a better pianist.<\/p>\n

\nBernstein essentially said to the young man, “You’re responsible for your\nplaying and your practice. The one thing you can’t do is hear yourself as\na great pianist hears you. That I can do and will do for you.”<\/p>\n

\nThe study of mentoring can be organized but not the application. Effective\nmentoring has no set formula. It’s a living relationship and progresses in\nfits and starts.<\/p>\n

\nMaking a good match<\/strong>\nIt is not difficult to make a list of desired characteristics in a mentor.\nHowever, like characteristics of a leader, they are in combination and mix,\nnot equally balanced qualities. Each of these ingredients, however, in some\ndegree should be in a mentor:<\/p>\n\n

\n

\nG<\/strong>reat teachers want to find great students.\nWith my mentors I tried to be a good student. That entailed several things:<\/p>\n

Admit your ignorance.<\/em><\/strong> I never tried to impress a mentor with\nmy knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance from a teacher\nis as foolish as hiding your sickness from a doctor. The wise person is always\nmore aware of his ignorance than his knowledge.<\/p>\n

\nDr. Walter Hearn, a biochemist at Yale University, surprised me once by saying,\n“Fred, every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorant than\nyou were when you woke up.” I took this as facetious until he explained that\nif I considered my knowledge as a balloon and every day that balloon increased\nin size, it touched more and more ignorance on the periphery.<\/p>\n

\nTherefore my knowledge brought me into contact with my greater ignorance.\nThe arrogant are proud of their knowledge; the humble are acquainted with\ntheir ignorance.<\/p>\n

\nWork to ask the right questions. <\/em><\/strong>Right questions come from\nthought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning\nto the mentor. There’s power in a good question.<\/p>\n

\nRecently a young professor told me how he asked a prominent man two questions\nfollowing an award program, and the man disregarded all those trying to shake\nhis hand and concentrated on answering only those two questions.<\/p>\n

\nDo your homework. <\/em><\/strong>With my two mentors, I never called them\nunless I had written down what I wanted to talk to them about. Writing out\nyour questions beforehand is helpful to minimize verbiage.<\/p>\n

\nWhen we met I had organized my questions; I knew it was not a social situation.\nIf we later wanted to spend some social time, that would be up to them, not\nto me. I never walked into their office and sat down until I was invited\nto sit down. They had to know I was not going to waste their time.<\/p>\n

\nNever try to “use” your mentor<\/em><\/strong>. A person with a well-known\nmentor can be tempted to refer to him in ways that really use him, particularly\nin quoting him out of context. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.<\/p>\n

\nA good student grows.<\/em><\/strong> Progress is the pay the student gives\nthe mentor. Currently I spend at least 50 percent of my time mentoring talented\nindividuals. I make no charge. But I get amply paid by the vicarious\naccomplishment of these individuals.<\/p>\n

\n

What’s a Protege to Do?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

—Fred Smith<\/p>\n<\/p>\n\n<\/div>\n

\n1. Mentor and mentoree must share a compatible philosophy.<\/em><\/strong>\nOur goals and methods are really an expression of our philosophy. If the\ngoal is to be Christian, then the philosophy must be built on divine principles.\nTo me, wisdom is the knowledge and application of scriptural principles,\nnot the citing of verses or telling of stories, but the application of the\nprinciples.<\/p>\n

\nFor instance, one biblical principle is “God will not do for you what you\ncan do for yourself, nor will he let you do for yourself what only he can\ndo.”<\/p>\n

\nIt’s wrong to pray for a miracle when God has given us the mentality,\nopportunity, and facilities to accomplish what we should do. To ask for a\nmiracle is to ask God to be redundant. But he will not let us do for ourselves\nwhat only he can do. For example, he will not let us gain our salvation by\nworks; it is by his grace.<\/p>\n

\nOn the other hand, if the goal is based on humanistic values, then it will\nbe cultural, not Christian. Human philosophy often exploits our greed and\nselfishness. Human philosophy promotes self-love and self-aggrandizement.\nRecently a young man came to me asking that I help him “make a million dollars.”\nThat was his life’s goal. He has a materialistic, humanistic philosophy.<\/p>\n

\nI told him that we did not agree on philosophy; therefore I would not be\na good mentor for him.<\/p>\n

\n2. The mentor should be knowledgeable in the subject and objective\nin his criticism<\/em><\/strong>. The mentor who says what the other wants to hear\nis irresponsible. He should not counsel in matters in which he is not expert\nor pass judgment in subjects beyond his limitation.<\/p>\n

\nIt is important the mentor on occasion say, “I don’t know. I’ve had no experience\nwith that.” It is good when he has a broad network of knowledgeable friends\nwho might be helpful on such an occasion.<\/p>\n

\nOnce a young, brash president of a growing corporation was being dangerously\nextravagant. Though I was on the board, he wasn’t accepting my authority\non the subject. I got him an appointment with the ceo of a major corporation,\nwho successfully warned him and possibly saved the company.<\/p>\n

\n3. The mentor must genuinely believe in the potential of the mentoree. A\nmentor cannot do serious thinking about the needs of the learner or spend\nthe necessary time without believing in that person’s potential. A mentor\nisn’t doing what he’s doing to be a nice guy. There may be times when the\nlearner loses confidence in himself, particularly after a failure, and he\nwill need the mentor to restore his confidence.<\/p>\n

\nI had breakfast with a young executive in Dallas, and I asked him to tell\nme his story. He said, “Until early in my twenties I amounted to nothing.\nI think that was due to the fact I was raised in a family that believed it\nwas wrong to say anything good about anyone that might stir up their pride.\nI felt there was nothing special about me until my Sunday school teacher\nput his arm around my shoulders and said, ‘I believe in you.’ “<\/p>\n

\nGradually this young man began to believe in himself. From that time, he\nstarted to climb the executive ladder.<\/p>\n

\n4. A good mentor helps define the vision, the goal, and the\nplan<\/em><\/strong>. So many young people I talk to have several options for their\nlife, and they are not equipped to choose the one. They hesitate at the thought\nof giving up the others.<\/p>\n

\nRecently I had lunch with a young man who graduated from a prestigious European\nuniversity with high marks and told me he had been “tested genius in thirteen\nareas.” Yet he had done nothing, though in his early thirties. I was talking\nto another man in the same general circumstances, and I said, “You could\nhave married six or eight young women but you chose one. You will have to\ndo the same with your goal.”<\/p>\n\n

Choosing a specific goal is the key to doing many other\nactivities. The goal defines the discipline, creates the energy, and gives\nthe measure of progress.<\/p>\n

\nClarifying the goal is a crucial step. It controls so many other elements.\nI try to find whether the individual’s goal is formed by outside influences\nor internal. Is his accomplishment to please or impress others or to satisfy\nhimself? The image of success has become so prevalent in our society, I want\nto know what gives him his deepest satisfaction. What, to him, has meaning?\nWhat does he do easily? What does he learn quickly and remember clearly?\nIs the goal realistic, considering his talent, opportunities, and facilities?<\/p>\n

\nSometimes a person will say, “I know where I want to go, but I don’t know\nhow to get there.” I have found it much easier to work out the map once you\nknow the destination. Be sure the plan is as simple as it can be. Elaborate\nplans seldom get carried out. Too often, complicated plans are a subconscious\nattempt to avoid doing.<\/p>\n

\nPaul J. Meyer, creator of Sales Motivation Institute, spent the day with\nme when he was a young salesman going over the four-step program he had for\nhis life. I was so impressed I asked him for a copy, and he gave me the original,\nwritten on a piece of yellow paper, which I still have. In our original\nconversation, he said that after you set the specific goal, you work the\nplan, then forget the goal, and develop enthusiasm for the plan, knowing\nif you work the plan you will reach the goal.<\/p>\n

\n5. The chemistry must be good. <\/em><\/strong>The first evidence of this is\nclear communication. Each must clearly and easily understand the other. Before\nI start to work with someone, I will check this by talking a few minutes\nand then ask the person to repeat what I’ve said. Sometimes I’m amazed at\nwhat I hear. It’s difficult to work well together unless each communicates\nwell with the other.<\/p>\n

\nIntuition, a feeling of the spirit of each other, is also important. When\nour spirits are in harmony, then we can work until our communications are\nclear. We won’t jump to conclusions or get carried off into prejudices. I\nfind this particularly true in working between races.<\/p>\n

\nCommunication, to me, is understanding, not agreement. I hear people say\nthat the problem is a lack of communication when it may be genuine difference\nof opinion. No amount of communication will change that.<\/p>\n

\n6. The mentor needs the experience and originality to develop options\nrather than decisions.<\/em><\/strong> Some individuals with whom I work initially\nbecome frustrated that I will not give them advice but, rather, options from\nwhich they can choose.<\/p>\n\n

\nIf I give advice, then I’m taking over their responsibility for their\ndecision-making, and that is not my function. Furthermore, how a decision\nis carried out is as important as the decision, and the mentor can’t control\nthe carrying out.<\/p>\n

\nThe mentor must never take over the decision-making responsibility for the\nindividual. A good mentor is not a quick-fix artist.<\/p>\n

\n7. The mentor must be able to commit to a person and to a\nsituation<\/em><\/strong>. Once I was involved in a land development requiring large\namounts of money from a New England bank. The loan officer was careful in\nexploring all the details. He explained, “Don’t think I’m being too careful.\nI don’t want to get you halfway across the river.” When we commit to be a\nmentor, we commit to taking the person all the way across. That will take\ntime and thinking. I must be willing to take a phone call any time it comes\nfrom a mentoree in stress.<\/p>\n\n

\n8. The mentor must be given permission to hold the mentoree\naccountable<\/em><\/strong>. The mentoree must give this responsibility to the mentor.\nThis helps keep the mentoree from becoming resentful or quietly rebellious\nor hostile.<\/p>\n

\nI tell one of my mentorees that accountability is like a tail on the kite\n—it keeps things from darting around. Accountability is not control. In\nmentoring it is pointing out objectively what is happening and asking if\nthat is what the mentoree wants. At no time should the mentor take over control\nof the other’s life. The mentor is a counselor, not a boss.<\/p>\n

\nRecently I stopped working with a young man because he had been dishonest\nabout his financial situation. He admitted he was in debt but said that was\nhis wife’s fault, which he couldn’t control. I couldn’t condone his\nrationalizing.<\/p>\n

\nA lifelong joy<\/strong>\nMy favorite title is “mentor.” Zig Ziglar flattered me, after years of publicly\nreferring to me as his mentor, by dedicating his book Over the Top to me.\nI shouldn’t repeat it, but since I’m over the hill rather than over the top,\nhere is what he wrote:<\/p>\n

\n“To my friend and mentor Fred Smith, Sr., who is fun and inspiring. He is\nalso the wisest and most effective teacher I’ve ever had.”<\/p>\n

\nI hope you sense the seriousness and joy I feel in mentoring.<\/p>\n\n

\n\n
\n

Signs of Fruitful Mentoring<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

To measure a mentoring relationship, look for these\ncharacteristics:<\/p>\n\n

\n Trust and confidence. All the cards are on the table.\nAnything given in confidence should be held in confidence.<\/p>\n\n

\n Unvarnished truth. We should come to the place in\nthe relationship where we can be direct. My two great mentors never had to\npreface the truth or hedge their statements with me.<\/p>\n\n

\n Climbs and plateaus. We progress by climbing, then\nplateauing for assimilation, then climbing again, plateauing again—repeating\nthe process as long as we live. Don’t stop when you reach a comfortable\nplateau.<\/p>\n\n

\n Character development.The mentor teaches, but the\nSpirit changes character. Although I’ve been mentoring actively for over\n40 years, I cannot claim any success in improving character in adults. Character\nimproves only through spiritual experience.<\/p>\n\n

\n Mentoree initiation. The mentoree is responsible for\nall contact. He controls the continuation of the relationship. Sometimes\na mentoring relationship becomes non-productive and should end. I accept\nthis as normal.<\/p>\n\n

\n Joy in the doing. A mentor has accomplished great\ngood when he has taught the individual the joy of accomplishment. That has\nbecome so much a part of my life that when I get low, I immediately start\nto do something that I feel will be worthwhile. The joy of living\nreturns.<\/p>\n\n

—Fred Smith<\/em><\/p>\n\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n

Fred Smith <\/strong>\nis a business executive\n7022 Orchid Lane\nDallas, TX 75230<\/p>\n

Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today\/Leadership<\/em> Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200\nor contact us<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mentoring may seem new, but actually it is one of the oldest and best methods of learning. In times before degrees were mandatory, the mentoring system was the accepted one, not only in manual skills but in the professions, such as medicine and law. Ray Stedman, who pastored Peninsula Bible Church in California for many Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1585],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[156],"tax_ctp_tags":[3372,3613,3793,4351,4459,5033,5042,5046,5049],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-14728","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-fred-smith","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-accountability","tax_ctp_tags-church-leadership","tax_ctp_tags-discipleship","tax_ctp_tags-leadership","tax_ctp_tags-mentoring","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-direction","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-formation","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-growth"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nMentoring that Matters - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Reviving an ancient teaching method that adds life to ministry.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/le-9l1-9l1094\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mentoring that Matters - CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Reviving an ancient teaching method that adds life to ministry.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/le-9l1-9l1094\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/CTPastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" 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