{"id":1839,"date":"2025-03-12T17:05:16","date_gmt":"2025-03-12T17:05:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/2025\/03\/12\/why-i-want-a-pastors-wife\/"},"modified":"2025-03-12T17:05:16","modified_gmt":"2025-03-12T17:05:16","slug":"why-i-want-a-pastors-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/why-i-want-a-pastors-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I Want a Pastor’s Wife"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I am a member of a unique tribe. I am a pastor\u2019s wife. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love being a pastor\u2019s wife, truly. In fact, I have been one for over 17 years, serving in Texas, Arizona, and Oklahoma. I\u2019ve been part of a zealous 6,500-member megachurch; a sizeable 120-year-old historic multigenerational church; a new burgeoning church plant; and now a sweet, storied church in the delicate throes of much-needed revitalization. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If anyone knows, I know<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also know full well what it means to be a mother raising three young children in the limelight of ministry\u2019s \u201cglass house.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, after what seemed to me a regular Sunday morning service, I was nearly tackled by an exuberant church member gushing over her experience: Wasn\u2019t that a wonderful service today? Didn\u2019t you feel God working? Isn\u2019t God amazing? Isn\u2019t your husband amazing too? Of all people, I came to tell you. I knew you\u2019d understand, of course, being the pastor\u2019s wife.<\/em> I nodded and listened intently. I smiled with skilled compassion. I even agreed it was a great service, which it was, and we parted ways with a kindly hug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet as she walked away, I felt incongruence rise within me. I\u2019m not sure I could relate. After all, I couldn\u2019t remember the last time I had publicly worshiped the Lord with such abandon and reciprocity. Given the pressures I so often carry, how could I? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began to ponder, fantasize, daydream\u2014What if I had my own pastor\u2019s wife? One who could step in and fill my shoes, just for a little while?<\/em> I\u2019m not referring to one who can do the traditional tasks\u2014make the coffee; greet the newcomers; play the piano; sing in the choir; teach the Sunday school class; pick up the crumpled, derelict bulletins haphazardly left on the pews. I can do all that. Rather, I want a pastor\u2019s wife who understands the expectations and the mental and emotional load too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d like a pastor\u2019s wife who can sit on the front row each week and attentively listen to my husband\u2019s sermons, heed each illustration, and laugh at each joke (especially ones about me). I\u2019d like a pastor\u2019s wife who can attend to my children seated with me, quiet them when needed, encourage them to stand or sit, and have them not fidget or fiddle with the tithe envelopes or drop crayons all over the floor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d like a pastor\u2019s wife to serve as my chief operating officer; to remember the dates of upcoming church events, including start and end times; to know where each Bible study group is located, on and off the church campus; and to recall names, including who is associated with whom and for how long they\u2019ve been attending or haven\u2019t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d like a pastor\u2019s wife to double as my personal stylist by fitting me in classy yet affordable wide-leg slacks, perhaps with a floral blouse and structured jacket or maybe even a silk jumpsuit with a fedora (if I\u2019m feeling confident). One who could dabble in trends yet embody the tasteful conservative would be wonderful.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d love a pastor\u2019s wife to be my public relations executive, one who has mastered the art of the social chameleon\u2014to \u201cbecome all things to all people,\u201d as the apostle Paul would say (1 Cor. 9:22). Someone who can be assertive and confident at times yet reserved and unassuming too. Someone who can engage in sophisticated, \u201creal world\u201d conversations on pressing philosophical topics yet happily talk about the weather. Someone who has well-researched political opinions yet can sidestep politics with poise. And someone who makes everyone feel comfortable altogether yet offers distinctive, personalized attention. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d also love a complaints resolution manager who will listen intently to the inevitable criticism and grievances that come my way about my husband, my children, the church in general, and culture at large. This manager would need to receive each grumble with gratitude and quell each gripe with impeccable, unwavering grace. I\u2019d love a chaplain who can articulate heartfelt, meaningful prayers with ease\u2014one who has patience to listen to the hurting or sick without distraction and can function as an undiluted conduit of hope. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even more, I\u2019d love a theologian who has a full working knowledge of Scripture, with or without a seminary degree, and can effortlessly communicate that knowledge yet not to the point of overshadowing any man, especially not a male lay leader or fellow pastor. I am part of a Southern Baptist church, after all.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beyond Sundays, I want a pastor\u2019s wife who can be my hospitality coordinator\u2014one who is fully abreast of every prayer chain and meal train, cooks tasty yet healthy slow cooker dinners, makes exceptional chocolate cake, and remembers birthdays on time every time. (She gets bonus points if she can also come to my house and clean on occasion for staff Christmas gatherings, impromptu counseling sessions, and youth retreats.) I want a pastor\u2019s wife who is my public delegate\u2014one who will participate in summer camps and teach VBS; will attend weddings, funerals, baby showers, and retirement parties; and one with plenty of time to organize these as well, when necessary. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In addition, she must search and find just the right gift and wrap it perfectly in pretty cellophane paper. A pastor\u2019s wife to operate as my certified financial planner would also be of considerable benefit\u2014one who can creatively manage an exceptionally limited budget (that\u2019s even more limited with today\u2019s inflation) yet can model biblical tithing, saving, and ample generosity toward others, hence the above-mentioned significance of gift giving. I certainly wouldn\u2019t mind a pastor\u2019s wife who could coordinate inexpensive babysitting for these extra events too and furthermore be the second parent when I\u2019m alone with my children during deacon\u2019s meetings, church business gatherings, conventions, conferences, mission trips, and expressly on Christmas Eve and Easter as well as many other holidays throughout the year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d especially love a pastor\u2019s wife who functions as my social media coordinator\u2014who maintains my online presence by informing me on what to post, when to post, and how often to post. I would need this person to strike the right online balance, showing a happy, godly marriage yet a family who \u201ckeeps it real\u201d at the same time. Of course, a technical guru who will respond readily to congregants\u2019 comments while also commenting regularly on their own social media reels, stories, and posts couldn\u2019t hurt. In addition, a pastor\u2019s wife who assists as a ghostwriter\/collaborator of sorts would be advantageous\u2014one who will brainstorm with my husband on each upcoming sermon series, research possible anecdotes, discuss and edit teachings when needed, and provide critical feedback too yet who receives no public credit for her efforts and will even deny any role in content creation if asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On special occasions, I want a pastor\u2019s wife who can minister as a grief counselor for my children when at bedtime tears fall heavy on their pillows after flippant words from well-meaning churchgoers penetrate deeper than sticks and stones or when my son isn\u2019t picked for this game or my daughter isn\u2019t invited to that party and everyone else is. I want a pastor\u2019s wife who assumes the role of a therapist too, for those rare but particularly challenging times when selfish people do selfish things in the name of the Lord\u2014I mean when they lie and cheat to maintain control and gain power, so much so my husband must resign from his position for the sake of peace and church unity. Especially then, I want a pastor\u2019s wife who will be my adversity-endurance specialist, advising me on what to say to defend God\u2019s faithfulness to my children, to explain why Christians behave badly and in unchristian ways, to clarify how mercy still wins even when injustice seemingly prevails, and to illustrate in what manner pain lasts for a night while joy comes flourishing in the morning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be brutally honest, a pastor\u2019s wife with no needs would serve me best. I need one who has no soul space to tend, no feelings to manage, no physical limitations to overcome, no friendships to crave, no vocational ambitions to desire, no aspirations of any kind outside the needs of her own family and congregation and one who will give to a fault and do so with a smile. And more than anything, I truly need a pastor\u2019s wife who can serve on a volunteer basis. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In light of all this, who wouldn\u2019t want a pastor\u2019s wife?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*This piece is written as satire and a parody of Judy Brady\u2019s own iconic satirical essay <\/em>\u201cI Want a Wife,\u201d<\/em><\/a> which was originally given as a speech at the Women\u2019s Strike for Equality rally in August 1970 and then subsequently published in <\/em>New York magazine in 1971. While Brady challenged the perceived male-female gender discrepancies of 1970s America, this essay instead confronts the unrealistic expectations and pressures many pastors\u2019 wives face, shedding particular light on the mental and emotional load they so often carry in hopes of affording greater awareness, respect, and credence to this mainstay role in the modern-day local church.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ginger McPherson is a pastor\u2019s wife, writer, and mom of three from Tulsa, Oklahoma. She also serve as the Director of Ministry Wives at the Tulsa Metro Baptist Network (TMBN). <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a member of a unique tribe. I am a pastor\u2019s wife. I love being a pastor\u2019s wife, truly. In fact, I have been one for over 17 years, serving in Texas, Arizona, and Oklahoma. I\u2019ve been part of a zealous 6,500-member megachurch; a sizeable 120-year-old historic multigenerational church; a new burgeoning church plant; Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":179,"featured_media":1840,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1654],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[429],"tax_publications":[140],"tax_ctp_tags":[4604,4605,4606],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-1839","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-ginger-mcpherson","tax_publications-ct-pastors","tax_ctp_tags-pastor","tax_ctp_tags-pastors-family","tax_ctp_tags-pastors-role"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nWhy I Want a Pastor's Wife - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am a member of a unique tribe. 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