{"id":20629,"date":"2001-05-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2001-05-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/2001\/05\/23\/cln10523\/"},"modified":"2001-05-23T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2001-05-23T00:00:00","slug":"cln10523","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/cln10523\/","title":{"rendered":"Protection from the Pressures"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One night after one of my typical, eighteen-hour days of ministry, as we were retiring to bed, my wife announced to me in a calm yet firm voice, &#8220;I&#8217;ve decided to go home to my mother.&#8221;<\/p><p>I began to panic as I saw my relationship disintegrating, along with the ministry I had worked so hard to develop. As we prayed and cried and talked, what came out was my gross insensitivity to my wife. I had fallen into an overcommitted life. As our ministry in the inner city of Chicago had taken off, I had found myself pulled in a thousand directions. Without my realizing it, the stress on my relationship with Cynthia had risen to a danger point.<\/p><p>Thank God, Cynthia didn&#8217;t leave. However, the pain of that near tragedy, and God&#8217;s continual work in my life since, have given me five core commitments that have saved not only my marriage but my ministry as well.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">COMMITMENT 1: A mission statement<\/h2><p>I cannot do everything. What few things can and must I do?<\/p><p>I committed to writing a personal mission statement. In his best-selling book <em>Seven Habits of Highly Effective People<\/em>, Stephen Covey writes, &#8220;A mission statement is not something you write overnight. &hellip; But fundamentally, your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values. It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.&#8221;<\/p><p>The mission I live by has helped focus how I live: &#8220;I will endeavor to honor God on a daily basis by becoming a man who is continually growing in my love for my wife and children, even above my ministry. They are my highest human priority.&#8221;<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">COMMITMENT 2: Margin in my life<\/h2><p>In his book <em>Margin<\/em>, Richard Swenson stresses the importance of realizing, especially as you get older, your emotional and physical limits. We must intentionally provide space for recovery and renewal.<\/p><p>Early in our ministry in Chicago, I had been pushing and pushing, trying to get the work off the ground. Money was tight (a better description would be nonexistent). I came to the point of physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. Since then I have learned some ways to build margin in my life:<\/p><p>1. I never commit to do anything, no matter how appealing, on the spot.<\/p><p>2. No matter how hectic my schedule, I discipline myself to exercise twenty to thirty minutes per day, five or six days a week.<\/p><p>3. I use both a daily and long-term planning system. They allow me to look at my commitments and make sure they are based on my mission statement.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">COMMITMENT 3: Accountable relationships<\/h2><p>This commitment is critical, for support, encouragement, and challenge. It has been helpful for me to establish what I call &#8220;truth-telling&#8221; relationships with three men. I remember when one of these men confronted me on how I was raising one of our children. It was a strong rebuke, which at first I resisted. However, as I sought to be open to what the Lord might be saying through my brother, I was able not to overreact but to hear what God was saying.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">COMMITMENT 4: Nurturing and romancing my spouse<\/h2><p>It&#8217;s easy for me as a man to shift from the pursuit of my wife (prior to marriage) to the pursuit of a career. Full-time ministry has made me susceptible to high demands and expectations from others. But family relationships are fragile; unless they are continually watered and nurtured like a delicate flower, they will wither under the heat of neglect.<\/p><p>For many years, Cynthia and I have practiced a weekly date night. We do a number of things &mdash; go to a restaurant to chat or to the park for a walk. I&#8217;ve discovered that Satan fights me tooth and nail in this area; he knows there is no substitute for face-to-face time with my wife.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">COMMITMENT 5: Personal and marital spiritual development<\/h2><p>The primary reason Cynthia and I weathered that storm some seventeen years ago is the strong spiritual foundation that had been laid in our marriage. To present my wife holy and blameless before the Lord, I must prioritize my walk with Christ and our walk with Christ as a couple.<\/p><p>Recently I was going through an extremely busy time in ministry. One morning as I was about to run out the door, my wife looked at me and said quite matter-of-factly, &#8220;You know, we don&#8217;t pray together anymore.&#8221; Her words were a ton of bricks dropped on my head. I repented and renewed our practice of daily prayer together.<\/p><p>My ongoing and only hope is looking to my heavenly Father to help me be the loving, servant leader he has called me to be.<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-bio\">Dwight Perry is undergraduate professor of pastoral studies at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, Illinois. To reply, write <a href=\"mailto:help@christianitytoday.com\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"bio\" rel=\"noopener\">Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net<\/a>.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">Sign up for the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/lyris\/subscribe\/leadership.html\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"subhead\" rel=\"noopener\">Church Leader&#8217;s Newsletter<\/a> and receive a new article plus useful information in your inbox every week!<\/h2><p class=\"is-style-article-copyright\">Copyright &copy; 2001 by the author or Christianity Today\/<em>Leadership<\/em> Journal.<a href=\"http:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/le\/help\/permissionsprivacy\/permissions.html#answer\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"copyright\" rel=\"noopener\">Click here<\/a> for reprint information on <em>Leadership<\/em> Journal.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One night after one of my typical, eighteen-hour days of ministry, as we were retiring to bed, my wife announced to me in a calm yet firm voice, &#8220;I&#8217;ve decided to go home to my mother.&#8221;I began to panic as I saw my relationship disintegrating, along with the ministry I had worked so hard to <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/cln10523\/\">Read more&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1482],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[142],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[156],"tax_ctp_tags":[4012,4066,4425,4604,4606,4792,5046,5160],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-20629","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-dwight-perry","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-formation","tax_ctp_tags-goals","tax_ctp_tags-marriage","tax_ctp_tags-pastor","tax_ctp_tags-pastors-role","tax_ctp_tags-relationship","tax_ctp_tags-spiritual-formation","tax_ctp_tags-time-management"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"<!-- 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