{"id":21201,"date":"1999-10-01T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1999-10-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/1999\/10\/01\/welcome-youve-got-hate-mail\/"},"modified":"1999-10-01T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"1999-10-01T00:00:00","slug":"welcome-youve-got-hate-mail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/welcome-youve-got-hate-mail\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome! You’ve Got Hate Mail"},"content":{"rendered":"

PEOPLE SKILLS<\/h2>\n\n

M<\/strong>y computer monitor glowed like the luminescent eye of a sinister Cyclops. The evil\ncyber-voice seemed to cackle as it announced, “You’ve got mail.”<\/p>\n\n

Ah, but what kind<\/em> of mail had come through my virtual door slot? When\nwill some enterprising computer geek develop software to identify incoming\ncorrespondence? Something like, “You’ve got a note of appreciation from\na congregational admirer,” or at least, “You’ve got hate mail.” After\nall, a man needs to prepare himself.<\/p>\n\n

I clicked on the mailbox icon. My screen filled with dozens of replies to\nmy most recent weekly congregational e-mail. Most were expressions of affirmation\nor chatty rambling greetings from Internet novices.<\/p>\n\n

A few, however, bore the sinister markings of the virtual critic. The subject\nlines were tantalizing in their artful negativity: “You must be confused”\nor a somewhat less subtle, “Disappointed by recent sermon.”<\/p>\n\n

I always click first on the obviously negative e-mail. Better to take the\nmedicine quickly. I grit my teeth and dive in, ego-first.<\/p>\n\n

“I am concerned about the recent shallowness in your messages … “<\/p>\n\n

“Why don’t you do more to highlight my ministry? I am considering\ntransferring elsewhere … “<\/p>\n\n

Ah, the joy of such correspondence! Criticism is not new to any experienced\npastor. One would think that after 20 years of ministry, I would simply see\ncriticism as a consequence of my calling. But my “crit” mail has recently\nseen an alarming increase.<\/p>\n\n

“Why?” I wondered. After all, things could not be much better. Attendance\nis up. Believers’ baptisms are setting new records. Financial giving\nis at an all-time high. So what gives?<\/p>\n\n

The answer lies largely in a great idea we had this past year. Why not interact\nweekly with our congregation by means of the Internet? We could enhance our\nchurch community with e-community.<\/p>\n\n

So the adventure began. The weekly e-mails have spawned some exciting online\nchats in a virtual place we call “The Deck.” People are able to connect,\nregardless of age, disability, or geographic barriers. We even include a\nmissionary who is serving in a restricted access nation where it is difficult\npublicly to enjoy casual Christian conversation.<\/p>\n\n

There is, however, a serious downside to virtual communities. They spawn\nvirtual critics. The virtual critic is a person who might feel uncomfortable\nverbalizing his complaint face-to-face, but who feels perfectly at home doing\nso via e-mail.<\/p>\n\n

Why “virtual critics” abound<\/strong>\nThere are several reasons why the Internet seems to multiply the critics.<\/p>\n\n

1. It’s an easy way to communicate. “Snail mail” criticism requires\nstationery, envelope, stamp, and a trip to the mailbox. Not so with e-mail.\nWith a few keyboard strokes, points, and clicks, an e-critic is instantly\nwired to deliver a virtual sucker punch to my tender ego. Who knew that being\non the cutting edge of technology could be so cutting? E-mail is an easy\nand convenient way either to affirm or assault.<\/p>\n\n

2. It’s fast. Critics of yesteryear could never be quite sure when their\nintended targets would read their mail. But everyone in my church knows I\ncheck my e-mail several times daily. It is possible to absorb several salvos\nof textual artillery in a single day.<\/p>\n\n

Why, the dedicated techno-geek pastor can complete an entire e-mail cycle\n(read, send reply, read follow-up, send follow-up response) in a single\nafternoon.<\/p>\n\n

I recall one embarrassing gaffe I committed during our middle worship hour\nmessage. By the time I arrived home there was an e-mail—from Chicago—asking\nme to clarify my verbal blunder committed in Colorado Springs. The Internet\nis indeed fast.<\/p>\n\n

3. It’s safe. The sender subconsciously tends to view his screen name\nas only one step removed from an alias. This protective layer of virtual\narmor shields the writer from direct contact. He is not John Q. Christian\nwho lives at 232 Oak Lane in Colorado Springs, but instead “JQC123@aol.com.”\nHe may have several virtual identities; in fact, he may not even be a “he”\nat all!<\/p>\n\n

There is no handwriting to analyze, no tone of voice to monitor, no body\nlanguage to interpret, no eye contact to maintain. There is not even a signature\nto lend a unique personal imprint.<\/p>\n\n

I regularly receive e-mail that gives me no clue as to the full name of the\nwriter. Could it be that there is an obscure Web\nsite—”howtomake-yourpastorcrazy.com”?<\/p>\n\n

It would not surprise me.<\/p>\n\n

Virtual criticism is easy, fast, and safe. The key issue, of course, is how\nto cope with the virtual critic.<\/p>\n\n

Responding to unseen critics<\/strong>\nMy first step is to discipline myself to read critical e-mail with an open\nmind. The person who has written actually believes he is obeying at least\na quasi-biblical pattern of confrontation.<\/p>\n\n

So I ask myself, “Is there any validity wrapped up in this rather sour smelling\ncommunication?” There often is, even if the manner in which it barges into\nyour world is a bit obnoxious.<\/p>\n\n

One recent note slammed me for using “frivolous humor on the platform.” As\nI pondered the criticism, the realization struck that he was right. I do\ntend to overdo the humorous side of the homiletic art.<\/p>\n\n

Essential to an open-minded response to criticism is prayer. Precede any\ningestion of criticism with wisdom-seeking prayer (James 1:5). Such a prayer\nwill honor God and help you derive any benefit from the criticism.<\/p>\n\n

According to Samuel Johnson, an 18th-century British writer, an occasional\nstab of criticism can actually do us some good. He said, “Criticism is a\nstudy by which men grow formidable and important at very small expense.”\nVirtual criticism may well be a tool of sanctification in God’s hands.<\/p>\n\n

A second step in responding to e-critics is to look for subtle cues that\nreveal their own pain and frustration.<\/p>\n\n

One young mother wrote to me a scathing discourse following a Mothers’\nDay service. I had not adequately recognized mothers in difficult circumstances,\nshe informed me. She sounded like a woman frustrated in a struggling marriage.\nI responded with a gentle and soothing e-mail thanking her for her contact.<\/p>\n\n

Sure enough, just last week this sweet-but-struggling young mother introduced\nherself to me, apologized for her note, and poured out her story.<\/p>\n\n

Third, when dealing with out-of-line critics, it is appropriate to send back\na direct and prompt reply. In fact, it is wise to respond to all e-criticism.\nI invest several hours each week responding to between 50 and 100 e-mails\n(not all of them critical). That sounds like a lot of time, but it provides\na way to affirm and touch my flock in a way that would otherwise be impossible.\nWithout exception, they appreciate my response.<\/p>\n\n

When replying to negative e-mail, always include exact quotes of outrageous\nor exaggerated statements. Many critics are simply too quick on the trigger\nand fire off a note without benefit of reflection on what they are saying.\nWhen that person reads your gentle reply in the context of his nastiness,\nhe often experiences a virtual awakening.<\/p>\n\n

I recently interacted with a person who was nothing short of exasperating\nin her criticism of our ushers. Within a few hours after I replied to her\nand included her offending phrases, I received a lengthy and contrite\n“e-apology.” A direct, loving, and timely manner is the best way to respond\nto the virtual critic.<\/p>\n\n

Last, ask to meet face-to-face with your critics. The visit need not be formal.\nIn fact, I have found it best to meet briefly at the front of the auditorium\nafter a service.<\/p>\n\n

My simple desire to meet is often all it takes to transform a critic-in-the-weeds\ninto a comrade-in-arms. The most vicious cyber-crocodile usually turns out\nface-to-face to be a hurting cyber-lamb who is simply hungry for a little\nlove, affection, and attention from a flesh-and-blood shepherd.<\/p>\n\n

Armin Sommer<\/strong> is pastor of\nPulpit Rock Church\n301 Austin Bluffs\nColorado Springs, CO 80918<\/em><\/p>\n\n

Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today\/Leadership<\/em> Journal.\nClick here<\/a> for reprint information on Leadership Journal.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PEOPLE SKILLS My computer monitor glowed like the luminescent eye of a sinister Cyclops. The evil cyber-voice seemed to cackle as it announced, “You’ve got mail.” Ah, but what kind of mail had come through my virtual door slot? When will some enterprising computer geek develop software to identify incoming correspondence? Something like, “You’ve got Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[858],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[663,664,156],"tax_ctp_tags":[3717,5129],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-21201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-armin-sommer","tax_publications-1999-leadership-journal","tax_publications-fall_1999-leadership-journal","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-criticism","tax_ctp_tags-technology"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nWelcome! 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