{"id":21545,"date":"1998-04-01T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1998-04-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/1998\/04\/01\/character-forged-from-conflict\/"},"modified":"1998-04-01T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"1998-04-01T00:00:00","slug":"character-forged-from-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/character-forged-from-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Character Forged from Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <strong>S<\/strong>omeone has said, &#8220;Without conflict, there would be no New Testament.&#8221; Out of controversy arose revelation from God.<\/p>\n<p> And without conflict, where would most denominations be?<\/p>\n<p> Take the Southern Baptist Convention, whose resolution last year to boycott Disney was their most recent cause of conflict.<\/p>\n<p> A Southern Baptist, Jim Henry, pastor of First Baptist Church of Orlando, was put in a particular dilemma by the resolution: his church is a five-minute ride from Walt Disney World. A recent past president of the Southern Baptist Convention, Henry explains, &#8220;Hundreds of people in our church are employed there, so the whole Orlando community was watching me.&#8221; The Sunday after the resolution passed, Henry had to address the issue from the pulpit.<\/p>\n<p> From racism in the sixties to boycotts in the nineties, Jim Henry has gone through conflict and emerged still passionate about church ministry. <em>Leadership<\/em> editors David Goetz and Ed Rowell called on Henry to find out how conflict has forged his character.<\/p>\n<p class=\"is-style-article-question\">Recently you were in the center of conflict over the decision to boycott\nDisney. How did you respond?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\n<strong>Jim Henry<\/strong>: I couldn&#8217;t come home from the Convention and act like it didn&#8217;t happen&mdash;though I wish I could have taken a sabbatical. (<em>Laughter<\/em>) I knew I was going to come to loggerheads with a lot of my brothers and sisters.\n\nI prayed about it. When I addressed the issue the Sunday after the resolution passed, I gathered all of the reasons of both sides and tried to present them fairly, because people were asking, &#8220;What do we do? How do we respond?&#8221; I presented the biblical perspective, as I saw it, and said, &#8220;Here&#8217;s where I&#8217;m standing. But you&#8217;re going to have to decide for yourselves.&#8221;\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">What motivates you to take a stand in a potentially explosive\nsituation?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI always engage conflict when the health of the church is threatened. As a pastor, I must protect the sheep.\n\nI&#8217;ve done that a few times in public, as I did following the Disney resolution.\nMy wife calls them my &#8220;white papers&#8221;&mdash;I write what I feel the issues are\nand then bring my thoughts to the people: &#8220;Folks, this morning I&#8217;m going\nto talk to you before I preach to you. This issue has come up, and here&#8217;s\nthe way I see it.&#8221;\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">Why do you choose &#8220;white papers&#8221; rather than some other approach to the\nconflict?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI have to take time to think through the issue, then walk people step by\nstep through how I came to my point of view.\n\nEarlier in my ministry, people were better listeners. Today, people are used\nto sound bites, condensed versions, rapid-fire images. Few people are trained\nin critical thinking or know how to think through the issue in its context.\nPeople feel an emotion and boom!&mdash;they form an opinion.\n\nThe white papers slow things down and make sure that positions are thought\nthrough. Plus, when I present my white papers, what I actually said is captured\nin print and then on tape.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">When did you first encounter conflict in ministry?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nAround the time James Meredith integrated Ole Miss, I was commuting back\nand forth to New Orleans to seminary and preaching at a small church on the\nweekends.\n\nAt a business meeting, with just a handful of people present, a friend made\na motion that the church fire me. According to parliamentary procedure, as\nmoderator, I had to call for a second to the motion. So I did: &#8220;Is there\na second to fire me?&#8221;\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">You called for a second to the motion to fire you?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nNo one seconded the motion. There was silence.\n\nMy wife was keeping the nursery. I walked in after the meeting and burst\ninto tears. She said, &#8220;What&#8217;s wrong?&#8221;\n\nInstead of saying &#8220;he,&#8221; I said, &#8220;<em>They<\/em> were all voting to fire me as\npastor.&#8221;\n\nShe said, &#8220;What did you do?&#8221;\n\n&#8220;I told them that next Saturday I am going to visit every home and ask for\ntheir vote. On Sunday, I&#8217;ll report to the church. If the majority say no,\nI&#8217;ll resign and won&#8217;t split the church.&#8221;\n\nMy wife said, &#8220;Let&#8217;s just go home. Tell this church to forget it.&#8221; She was\nfurious.\n\nI said, &#8220;I can&#8217;t do that. We&#8217;ll go home, but I&#8217;ll come back next weekend.&#8221;\n\nWe agonized about it all week. Wednesday night a deacon called me. &#8220;Pastor,\nwe had a meeting at church tonight. You&#8217;re still our pastor. Just come see\nme before you go visiting Saturday.&#8221;\n\nLater that week, he told me that the man who had raised the motion to fire\nme had recruited people to remove me in a special business meeting&mdash;before\nI could do my door-to-door survey. My critic said I was a &#8220;nigger lover&#8221;;\nhe patched together pieces of my sermons that made me look like I was out\nto turn our church into a black church.\n\nSome deacons heard what he was planning, and <em>they<\/em> went to see people,\nsaying, &#8220;Please, let&#8217;s wait and hear what our pastor says.&#8221; But Wednesday\ncame, and quite a crowd came ready to vote.\n\nTwo or three godly deacons said, &#8220;The Baptist church has always believed\nthat the pulpit is a free place where you can preach the Word of God as you\nsee it. Our forefathers died for this right. Our pastor preaches the Bible.\nWe move to stand with our pastor as a man who preaches the Word of God.&#8221;\n\nThat was a brilliant parliamentary move. The church voted yes.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">What runs through your mind when you consider entering a conflict?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nThat I&#8217;ll get hateful letters, volatile phone calls, that some will leave\nthe church. I&#8217;ve got to be geared up mentally and spiritually to accept that.\nWhatever stance I take, I will be misunderstood.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">How do you decide when you have to enter a conflict?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI ask myself questions, such as:<\/p>\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n <li>Who else could handle this?<\/li>\n\n <li>Does my information come from trusted sources?<\/li>\n\n <li>Is there Scripture that addresses this situation?<\/li>\n\n <li>Whom will this impact?<\/li>\n\n <li>Is it right&mdash;for me? For our church?<\/li>\n\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nEven after asking all these questions, I can&#8217;t say I&#8217;m always sure. But I&#8217;m\nlearning to discern the prodding of the Holy Spirit.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">When have you acted on one of those proddings?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nThe church had a Christian school that went through eighth grade. We had\nto make a crucial decision about starting a high school. That cost money\nand meant a commitment to parents that we&#8217;d have this school for the next\nfour years.\n\nBefore a critical meeting, the headmaster asked me to attend. Some people\ndidn&#8217;t think we ought to have the school; others thought it was our greatest\nministry. There was a lot at risk. I prayed, <em>Lord, I don&#8217;t know what we\nshould do. Show me.<\/em>\n<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-article-callout is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Conflict has the marvelous effect of keeping me from becoming proud.<\/p>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\n\nI came, sat, and listened. The crowd was divided. After listening to everyone,\nI knew the only person who could relieve the uncertainty was the pastor.\nI stood and said, &#8220;I&#8217;ve listened to and appreciated all the voices we&#8217;ve\nheard. It seems to me that we should go ahead, follow through, and have a\nhigh school.&#8221;\n\nThat meeting brought closure. Right or wrong, a decision had been made. Some\npeople didn&#8217;t like it, but most rallied around it.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">Have you ever waited too long to step into a controversy?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI don&#8217;t know if you ever really know if it is too late or too soon.\n\nI began to hear that a staff member had problems in his marriage. I trusted\nothers to check it out, and they felt the situation was being handled. But\nit was never resolved. In retrospect, if I&#8217;d stepped in sooner, I think we\ncould have handled the situation better than we did. I think I could have\nlessened the hurt it caused our church.\n\nOn the other hand, a pastor must rely on others for information and base\ndecisions on what is considered reliable.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">How do you get reliable feedback?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI never allow anyone&mdash;staff, deacon, or member&mdash;to bring up a charge on hearsay:\n&#8220;I&#8217;ve heard this about &hellip; &#8221;\n\nI ask, &#8220;Did you go to them to verify it as true?&#8221;\n\nThe person who first hears a rumor is responsible for checking it out. Only\nwhen it has been verified do I get involved.\n\nRecently a person was making accusations against people, especially staff:\n&#8220;He snubbed me.&#8221; &#8220;She doesn&#8217;t want me using my gifts in the choir.&#8221; &#8220;He was\ncold toward me and won&#8217;t return my calls.&#8221;\n\nIn every case, my secretary, or whoever took the complaint, would ask if\nshe had gone to the person who offended her, and she would say, &#8220;Yes, but\nthey refused to be reconciled.&#8221;\n\nSo we went to the accused people to hear the other side. It didn&#8217;t take us\nlong to identify that she was the source of tension, so a small group of\nchurch leaders sat with her and made it clear she could no longer make random\naccusations and expect a hearing.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">When you relocated First Baptist from downtown Orlando to the suburbs\nin 1981, you were criticized heavily. What were the sore points for\npeople?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nSome just didn&#8217;t like my style of leadership. I had been here only three\nyears. I&#8217;d not married enough people or led them through times of challenge\nand grief.\n\nOthers felt we were deserting the downtown area and thus missing our mission.\n\nOthers felt a personal loss. Their kids had been married there. Their parents&#8217;\nfunerals were held there. Memories were there. But rather than grieve the\nlosses, some just got angry.\n\nThe church leadership, though, was probably not clear enough about its motives\nfor wanting to relocate.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">How did you get through the crisis?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nThe defining moment came when we brought a recommendation to the congregation\nto buy twenty-four acres of land north of where we are now. We had a miserable\nmeeting that lasted until nearly midnight. We finally took a vote, and the\nchurch declined to buy the land by a slim margin. The church had already\nvoted to relocate, so the whole project seemed to go up in smoke.\n\nI couldn&#8217;t believe some things said about the process from some of our people\nand the media. I was disappointed. A big part of me wanted to call it quits.\n\nIn that failure, my only options were to quit or trust God. When I drove\naway late that night, I said, &#8220;Lord, you&#8217;ve got a plan. I don&#8217;t know what\nit is, but you stopped this for some reason, and I&#8217;m going to trust you for\nit.&#8221; I went home and went right to sleep.\n\nWe started over. We found another piece of property and had more conflict\nbecause some who were prejudiced didn&#8217;t like that the piece of land was next\nto an African-American community. Before the vote, I decided that, because\nof the conflict, the church needed more than a simple majority. I prayed,\n&#8220;Lord, we need at least a two-thirds majority.&#8221;\n\nWe gave the congregation three options: yes, no, or &#8220;I&#8217;ll go either way the\nchurch votes.&#8221; We ended up with 66.66 percent voting to purchase the land.\nToday we&#8217;re on 150 acres and in a much better location than the original\npiece of land the church voted not to purchase.\n\nThe decision to move was costly, though. In the process, we lost more than\n700 people.\n<\/p>\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-style-article-callout is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Often conflict in church comes from conflict somewhere else.<\/p>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n\n<p class=\"is-style-article-question\">Have you been able to develop a church culture that handles conflict\nredemptively?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nThe staff member I mentioned earlier eventually declined to talk further\nabout his marital problems and left his family for another woman. What made\nthis situation particularly painful for me was at that time, I was also\ncounseling a couple who was going through marital difficulty. I found out\nthat this staff person was the reason for this couple&#8217;s trouble&mdash;he was involved\nwith the wife.\n\nAt that point, we had to decide how to deal with the pain publicly. We couldn&#8217;t\nafford for anyone to think staff members are held to a different standard\nthan anyone else. We had ordained him and felt we had to publicly revoke\nhis ordination. We needed to send a message that the love of Christ compels\nus to hold one another accountable, that conflict will be dealt with, that\nsin will not be allowed to cripple our fellowship.\n\nBut even while handling conflict aggressively, I try never to send anybody\naway without saying, &#8220;The door&#8217;s always open.&#8221;\n\nWithin the last few months, a man called who had been a deacon. He had spoken\nharshly about our relocation in 1981, and he and his family left our church\nin the process. When he called, he said, &#8220;Do you remember me?&#8221;\n\nI said, &#8220;Yes I do.&#8221;\n\nHis health is now poor. He reminded me of the things he had done and said,\nthen added, &#8220;I had a bad attitude. I called you to say two things. First,\nI was wrong. What you did was the right thing to do. Second, would you forgive\nme?&#8221;\n\nI was emotional. &#8220;Of course,&#8221; I said.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">In the midst of conflict, how do you keep from becoming obsessed about\npersonal criticism?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nMy secretary screens all letters, so I never see the anonymous hate mail.\nThat keeps me from worrying about many things I can&#8217;t do much about.\n\nBut when our church relocated, the conflict surrounding that process resulted\nin my wife receiving anonymous letters attacking her character. That was\nhard to understand; she&#8217;s not the kind of person who stands up on the church\nfloor and speaks her mind. A friend said, &#8220;If the Devil can&#8217;t get to you,\nhe&#8217;ll try to get to someone close to you to get to you.&#8221;\n\nWe threw the letters away, and, honestly, today I can&#8217;t remember what they\nsaid. The Lord has helped me selectively forget things. My quiet times with\nhim have helped me not grow bitter, to fight the urge to retaliate, and to\ntrust him.\n<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-question\">Given all the conflict you&#8217;ve endured, how have you kept your enthusiasm\nfor God&#8217;s work?<\/p><p class=\"is-style-article-answer\">\nI recognize that often conflict in church comes from conflict somewhere else,\neither currently or way back. The church or the pastor merely becomes the\nlightning rod for it. I try to understand why my critic is upset. But I too\nhave to be willing to say, &#8220;I was wrong.&#8221;\n\nWhen I&#8217;ve taken an ugly shot, inevitably the Lord will send an encouraging\nphone call or letter. In Nashville, I took a stand on a moral issue and was\nthreatened with a lawsuit because I had spoken up in a city council meeting\nabout it. They threatened me with defamation. Was I scared!\n\nRight after that, a guy whom I barely knew came to see me at the church.\nHe said, &#8220;Pastor, I just came in to pray for you today. You mind if I do\nthat?&#8221;\n\nSo we knelt, and he put his arm around me. He prayed, &#8220;The Lord says &#8216;a thousand\nshall fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand. They will not\ncome near you.&#8217; Thank you, Lord.&#8221;\n\nThere was no way he could have known what was going on. He walked out, saying,\n&#8220;Whatever happens, it&#8217;s going to be okay.&#8221; And it was. That&#8217;s how God ministers\nto his children.\n\nConflict has the marvelous effect of keeping me from becoming proud, thinking\nI don&#8217;t need God. I&#8217;m reminded in these situations where my strength comes\nfrom&mdash;Jehovah Jireh.\n<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"is-style-article-copyright\">1998 by the author or Christianity Today\/<em>Leadership<\/em> Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or <a href=\"\/pastors\/help\/contactus.html\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"copyright\" rel=\"noopener\">contact us<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Someone has said, &#8220;Without conflict, there would be no New Testament.&#8221; Out of controversy arose revelation from God. And without conflict, where would most denominations be? Take the Southern Baptist Convention, whose resolution last year to boycott Disney was their most recent cause of conflict. A Southern Baptist, Jim Henry, pastor of First Baptist Church <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/character-forged-from-conflict\/\">Read more&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1931],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[658,156,660],"tax_ctp_tags":[3666,3716,3717,4604,4606,4629,5005,5011],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-21545","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-jim-henry","tax_publications-1998-leadership-journal","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_publications-spring_1998-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-conflict","tax_ctp_tags-crisis","tax_ctp_tags-criticism","tax_ctp_tags-pastor","tax_ctp_tags-pastors-role","tax_ctp_tags-perseverance","tax_ctp_tags-social-action","tax_ctp_tags-social-justice"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Character Forged from Conflict - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Someone has said, &quot;Without conflict, there would be no New Testament.&quot; Out of controversy arose revelation from God. 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