{"id":21641,"date":"1998-01-01T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1998-01-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/1998\/01\/01\/bullied-no-more\/"},"modified":"1998-01-01T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"1998-01-01T00:00:00","slug":"bullied-no-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/bullied-no-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Bullied No More"},"content":{"rendered":"

I<\/strong>t appeared I had jumped in over my head at\nmy first senior pastorate. The church was bitter and broken from a soured\nrelationship with its former pastor. He abruptly left one day, and I was\nhastily shuttled in.<\/p>\n\n

I intended to usher in healing and hope, but I underestimated the depth of\ncongregational pain. The church was swollen, and it throbbed. Infighting\nwas basic operating procedure. Quickly the enormous negativity engulfed me.\nTheir pain became my pain.<\/p>\n\n

I soon discovered the church had a bully\u2014a petite, articulate, well-dressed\nwoman bent on controlling the church like she had her household. Carrie ruled\nthe congregation with a caustic tongue. She’d burst into a meeting, lob a\nfew strategically placed insults and cusses, and the room belonged to her.<\/p>\n\n

I became Carrie’s main target. She’d tear down any idea I put forth in a\nmeeting, talk loudly to herself during my sermons, and regularly put her\ncar in my designated parking spot.<\/p>\n\n

I kept waiting for someone to rescue me, but the members’ silence encouraged\nher and intensified the pressure on me to do something, anything. I attempted\nto mask my distress, but inside, I was withering under her assaults. Fear\ncan strip the soul to shreds.<\/p>\n\n

The threatening call<\/strong>\nEventually Carrie began to phone me daily, just to start an argument, always\nat 10:45 a.m. One day, I realized this could not go on.<\/p>\n\n

“Sister Brown was admitted to the hospital this morning. Why aren’t you there\nwith her?” Carrie demanded.<\/p>\n\n

“Oh, I did not know that she had been admitted. I will go check on her today,”\nI responded as calmly as possible.<\/p>\n\n

“If you were any kind of a pastor, you would have already been there. You’re\njust lazy and stupid. Who in the world told you that you were qualified to\nserve as pastor of this church?” she bellowed.<\/p>\n\n

“Carrie, calm down. There is no need to … “<\/p>\n\n

“You’re not qualified to walk a dog across the street,” she interrupted.<\/p>\n\n

“I am tired of your insults … “<\/p>\n\n

“You cannot silence me. I will be heard, you *#@%$!”<\/p>\n\n

Click. I hung up the phone.<\/p>\n\n

Carrie called back instantly and yelled, “I am driving to the church right\nnow to kill you with my pistol!”<\/p>\n\n

Quickly, news of the threat on my life spread. Well-meaning members phoned\nand recalled pastors they knew who were gunned down by crazed members. Most\nbegged me to go into hiding, and a few offered to serve as bodyguards if\nI insisted on meeting Carrie at the church.<\/p>\n\n

Not only was I ready to quit the ministry, I wanted to leave the state and\nchange my last name! I tried to keep my frenzied fear beneath the surface.\nI and several members waited at the church in fear; Carrie never showed up.<\/p>\n\n

Calling in reinforcements<\/strong>\nShaken, I went with my friend Allison for a pre-planned trip to the mall.\nEvery pastor needs a friend like Allison\u2014non-clergy, not involved in the\nlife of your church. She likes me for me. We shop together. We take our sons\nto Chuck E. Cheese together. She took one look at the raw terror and anguish\non my face and began to administer care.<\/p>\n\n

As we rifled through a heap of scarves piled on a Reduced For Quick Sale<\/strong>\naisle, Allison gave me a heaping platter of bluntness, just the way I needed\nit: “You are a pastor who will not tolerate abuse against your flock. And\nyou are a human being who must not tolerate abuse against yourself,” she\nsaid. “This woman is wrong. You must stand up to her and handle the situation.\nOnly you in your position as pastor can do this.”<\/p>\n\n

Allison’s words clarified a frightening situation. She helped me see that\nvicious members are not a reflection of poor leadership. Failing to do something\nabout such persons is.<\/p>\n\n

The next day, I reflected on her words, took a deep breath, and prepared\nto lead an attempt to remove this woman from the congregation. I anticipated\na long, bitter fight.<\/p>\n\n

After securing the support of our administrative board, we confronted Carrie.\n“You have dominated this church for too long,” I said. “Either you cease\nfrom this destructive behavior, or you must leave this congregation.” Many\nin that meeting had also been bullied by her, and with both words and body\nlanguage, they stepped alongside me and said, “That’s right. You can’t treat\nus this way any longer.”<\/p>\n\n

Carrie seemed to shrink in front of our eyes. She made no attempt to fight\nback, though she rebuffed our attempts at reconciliation. We followed up\nthat meeting with a letter removing her membership. Her reign of terror had\nbeen broken.<\/p>\n\n

It was an amazing discovery. But I would never have found the courage to\nstand firm had there not been one who cared enough to let me confide and\ndared enough to confront.<\/p>\n\n

Sheron Patterson is pastor of Jubilee United Methodist Church\nin Duncanville, Texas.<\/p>\n\n

Copyright © 1998 by the author or Christianity Today\/Leadership<\/em> Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200\nor contact us<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It appeared I had jumped in over my head at my first senior pastorate. The church was bitter and broken from a soured relationship with its former pastor. He abruptly left one day, and I was hastily shuttled in. I intended to usher in healing and hope, but I underestimated the depth of congregational pain. Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[3007],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[154],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[658,156,662],"tax_ctp_tags":[3666,3671,3717,5238],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-21641","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-sheron-patterson","tax_publications-1998-leadership-journal","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_publications-winter_1998-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-conflict","tax_ctp_tags-confrontation","tax_ctp_tags-criticism","tax_ctp_tags-violence"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nBullied No More - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How I got by with a little help from my friends.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/bullied-no-more\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bullied No More - CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How I got by with a little help from my friends.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/content\/bullied-no-more\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/CTPastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"1998-01-01T00:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/19\/2025\/12\/ogimage.png?resize=1200,628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sheron C. 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