Sanctified Sex.<\/em> I\nhad criss-crossed the country telling thousands of young adults like my daughter\nto “just say no.”<\/p>\n\n\nYes, it broke my heart. I stayed awake many nights listening to my wife’s\nmuffled sobs. I came home many days to referee a family feud.<\/p>\n\n
\nBut life had prepared me for this. I remember my 19-year-old brother being\npistol-whipped for a measly fifty cents. I remember angry youths firing a\n.357 magnum in my front yard. I remember seeing a friend, inches from me,\nget riddled with bullets. That’s life in the ghetto. I clearly understood\nwhat pastoring a church in the Smith Homes area, a Detroit housing project,\nwould cost me.<\/p>\n\n
\nWhat I may have miscalculated was the price my family would have to pay.\nI was willing to deal with rats and take a vow of poverty, but did God want\nthis for my family?<\/p>\n\n
Baby steps<\/h2>
\nCori has always made it clear that she likes the wilder side of life. She\nhas always learned her lessons the hard way.<\/p>\n\n
\nShe had tried on some of our values, and they did not fit. She seemed willing\nto pay for the lifestyle she had chosen. After Cori became pregnant, she\nmade it clear: “This was not your fault … this was my decision.”<\/p>\n\n
\nWhen others advised her to abort, Cori didn’t give hasty answers. She knew\nwe opposed abortion. But still she said, “I don’t know what I’ll do.”<\/p>\n\n
\nCori was beginning to demonstrate maturity even if it were in a roundabout\nway. One evening I painted the sobering picture of what life would be like\nwith a newborn—childcare, diapers, rent, utilities, immunizations, clothing,\ntoys, baby food, formula. While she could count on us to help with some of\nthese costs, I said, the bulk of the responsibility would fall on her shoulders.\nThree days later, Cori came home with a list of support she had rounded up,\nincluding donated cribs, toys, and other essentials.<\/p>\n\n
Empty seats<\/h2>
\nMy wife, Roberta, and I have always wanted our home to be a place where\nno-strings-attached love could grow. My children have always banked on, bathed\nin, and almost taken for granted my acceptance. They’ve seen it demonstrated\nto my church members. They’ve seen it given to the baggy-pants-wearing,\nrap-singing, ghetto-boyz-in-the-hood. Cori expected nothing less.<\/p>\n\n
\nCori also expected lots of unloading. Emotional baggage is not carried long\nin our home. We feel anger. We feel disappointment. We feel embarrassment.\nWe do not deny our hurts. After expressing the emotions surrounding her unplanned\npregnancy, we picked up the pieces and went on.<\/p>\n\n
\nThere were prenatal appointments to make. There were insurance policies to\nsecure. There were childcare decisions to discuss. There were church members,\nleaders, and friends to contact.<\/p>\n\n
\nOne of the first people I told about Cori’s pregnancy was a good friend.<\/p>\n\n
\n“What’s up, Haman?” he asked as we stood in the hotel lobby.<\/p>\n\n
\nI replied, “My church is expanding, we just sent a missions team to Kenya,\nand oh, my daughter Cori is pregnant.”<\/p>\n\n
\n“Pregnant!” he shouted. “You should quit. You have lost all credibility.”<\/p>\n\n
\nAs I silently gazed at him, I could see he regretted his outburst. But I\nunderstood his response. Transparency can make many people uncomfortable,\ncan trigger destructive reactions. However, I believe far more good can emerge\nfrom openness.<\/p>\n\n
\nBut still his response took the wind out of me.<\/p>\n\n
Maybe I should quit,<\/em> I wondered. Maybe if I had cared more for\nmy daughter and less for the unfortunate, this would not have happened. Maybe\nI have lost all credibility. Maybe my 300-member church will ask me to\nresign.<\/em><\/p>\n\nOne couple said, “Your family should be different. You’re the pastor!<\/em>\nHow do I tell my kids that your kids are out of control?” They decided to\ntransfer their membership rather than allow their children to rub shoulders\nwith mine.<\/p>\n\n\nSome Sundays, tears filled my eyes when I stared at their empty seats and\nremembered their last words, “I’m sorry, Pastor Cross. We quit!”<\/p>\n\n
Tough risk<\/h2>
\nThe first three months of Cori’s pregnancy, mother and daughter said little\nto each other. I mediated occasional peace talks.<\/p>\n\n
\nEven after the baby was born, there were many adult-to-adult discussions\nabout keeping the house rules. If she decided she did not want to keep a\nrule, such as curfew, there would be consequences. My wife and I told Cori,\n“If you can’t live under our house rules, you can’t live in our house.”<\/p>\n\n
\nOnce, in the middle of the night, I awoke to the sound of the doorbell ringing.\nI rushed downstairs and peered through the window. It was Cori, standing\non the porch, begging me, “Daddy, Daddy, let me in. It’s freezing out here.”<\/p>\n\n
\nI saw Michael, my grandson, bundled up in a baby carrier next to Cori. I\npointed to my watch and closed the curtain.<\/p>\n\n
\nShe continued to bang and ring, waking up the neighbors, my wife, and my\nyoungest daughter, Sharyl.<\/p>\n\n
\n“Daddy, let her in,” Sharyl pleaded. “It’s cold.”<\/p>\n\n
\n“Haman, the baby is out there,” my wife pleaded.<\/p>\n\n
\n“No,” I said. “If we hold the line now, we won’t have to do this again.”<\/p>\n\n
\nI wondered about the risk I was taking. I might wound my daughter permanently;\nmy grandson might get frostbite; I might be blamed forever.<\/p>\n\n
\nFor twenty minutes my wife, Sharyl, and Cori begged me to reconsider. “No,”\nI said. “I’m going to bed. You should all do the same.”<\/p>\n\n
\nCori gave up and spent the night at a friend’s house. The next morning she\nrepented, deciding to submit to the house rules and the values of the church.\nWe warmly welcomed her back.<\/p>\n\n
Eating bugs<\/h2>
\nThroughout this crisis, I have asked God, “Is making an impact in urban America\nworth all this? How do I model sensitivity and strength when my family is\nfalling apart?”<\/p>\n\n
\nGod replied with several questions: “Will you quit, Haman? Will you quit\nloving your daughter? Will you quit investing in her life? Will you quit\nforgiving her as you have been forgiven?”<\/p>\n\n
\nMy answer continues to be, “No, I won’t quit, Lord. With your help, my family\nwill make it.”<\/p>\n\n
\nWe may not have it all together, but when you live in the jungle, or in the\nghetto, you learn to eat bugs. This perspective keeps us from living in denial\nor despair.<\/p>\n\n
\nThat’s life in the ghetto. That’s life in the ministry. That’s life, period.<\/p>\n\n
Haman Cross, Jr., is pastor of Rosedale Park Baptist Church in Detroit,\nMichigan.<\/p>\n
Adapted from Urban Family Magazine (spring 1995). Used with permission.<\/p>\n \n
1996 by Christianity Today\/LEADERSHIP journal<\/p>\n
Last Updated: September 18, 1996<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I’m pregnant.” After Cori, my 21-year-old, unwed daughter, said those words, I went through all kinds of emotions. Yes, it would be embarrassing. I wrote the book Sanctified Sex. I had criss-crossed the country telling thousands of young adults like my daughter to “just say no.” Yes, it broke my heart. I stayed awake many Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tax_ctp_authors":[1703],"tax_ctp_books":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[142],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[131],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[648,156,651],"tax_ctp_tags":[3569,3960,4596,4605],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-22087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-haman-cross-jr","tax_publications-1996-leadership-journal","tax_publications-leadership-journal","tax_publications-summer_1996-leadership-journal","tax_ctp_tags-children","tax_ctp_tags-family","tax_ctp_tags-parenting","tax_ctp_tags-pastors-family"],"acf":{"scripture_references":null},"yoast_head":"\nDaddy, I'm Pregnant - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'm pregnant." 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