\nI agree with Thomas Campbell, who wrote, “Better to be courted and jilted,\nthan never to be courted at all.”<\/p>\n\n
\nBut courtship is not easy-especially for pulpit committees and candidates.\nI have compiled seven types of pulpit committee “dates” I’ve been on.<\/p>\n\n
\nI had never been on a blind date—until I went into the ministry. The scenario\nbegins with a phone call or letter from some unknown church asking for my\nresume. Usually I am willing to risk the postage, though the church could\njust as well be a militia group as an assembly of believers.<\/p>\n\n
\nThen the church sends me a detailed questionnaire. What is not included,\nhowever, is a single scrap of information about the church. I wonder, Is\nfilling out this form a waste of time?<\/em> I know only the name and address\nof the church. It’s as if the church is saying, “We want to find out everything\nabout you, without telling you anything about us.”<\/p>\n\n \nOne such church had my resume, philosophy of ministry, summary of ministry\nexperiences, and a five-page questionnaire that detailed everything from\nmy favorite doctrines to my favorite sports. I received only three cheery\nletters from the church secretary. She seemed quite nice, but for all I know,\nthe church was a front for a waste-management plant. The fourth cheery letter\ntold me I was no longer on the list.<\/p>\n\n \nLast summer I received a letter, a variation of the blind date: “Dear Reverend,\nOn behalf of the Pulpit Search Committee and the Elder Board, I would like\nto thank you for your interest in the position of Pastor of _______.”<\/p>\n\n \nI had never heard of the church, yet I was in the running.<\/p>\n\n \nI read on: “A call for the position has been made and accepted, so no further\nconsideration will be given at this time.” Well,<\/em> I thought, that\nwas short-lived.<\/em> The last clause finished with a flourish: “I hope the\nLord provides useful service for you in the near future.”<\/p>\n\n \nOnly once can I remember not paying for a date (even though I was dating\nduring the height of the women’s liberation movement). I didn’t know how\nit felt to be on the receiving end of a cheap date—until recently.<\/p>\n\n \nWhile candidating, I once transported two search committee members in my\ncar. The parking lot attendant held out his hand for payment. As I slowly\nand deliberately fumbled for my wallet, no one moved or spoke.<\/p>\n\n Are they going to let me pay for this?<\/em> I thought.<\/p>\n\n \nThe attendant impatiently gestured for me to hurry, and since I was the only\none who reached for leather, I extracted a bill from my wallet. I was glad\nthe delegation hadn’t scheduled a dinner with me.<\/p>\n\n \nAnother time a church I had no prior connection with asked for my resume.\nA few weeks later, several on the pulpit committee showed up in church\nunannounced. Later that week, they called and asked if I would come for an\ninterview.<\/p>\n\n \nI mentioned I wanted to know more about the church first. The chairman assured\nme my questions would be answered in the interview.<\/p>\n\n \nSince the church was only an hour drive away, I went on the evening of my\nday off. I mostly enjoyed the three-hour interview. They picked my brain\nabout what God had done in our ministry. They tantalized me by holding up\na copy of their five-year plan but wouldn’t let me touch the document.<\/p>\n\n \nThen one committee member asked, “John, tell us why you want to be our senior\npastor.”<\/p>\n\n \nI grinned, replying, “But I don’t want to be your pastor.”<\/p>\n\n \nThey were visibly startled. I pointed out that while I might become interested,\nI didn’t know enough about the church or city to make that decision. “Remember,”\nI said, “you contacted me; I didn’t contact you. In fact, after our brief\ndiscussion tonight, I wonder if my gifts and vision match your need.”<\/p>\n\n \nThe evening ended soon after that, and I never heard from them again. No\nphone call of thanks for making the trip, no note, no nothing.<\/p>\n\n \nSingle women often complain about the guy who has shown a modicum of interest\nbut never calls. Search committees tend to be equally uncommunicative.<\/p>\n\n \nThe rules of dating the silent type include never letting the candidate know\nyou have received any of his or her submissions. Never send a thank-you for\nanything. Never let the candidate know he or she is still a candidate. Never\nreassure the candidate that it will take excessive amounts of time for the\ncommittee to run its battery of tests (e.g., DNA analysis) on all submissions.<\/p>\n\n \nOne committee got upset with me when they discovered I was candidating at\nanother church. They had minutely examined sermon tapes and interviewed my\ngrade school teachers, squandering months of time—all without telling me\nI was still on their list. In the intervening months, they had become secret\nadmirers and felt as if I were cheating on them.<\/p>\n\n \n“If you break up with me, I’ll die.” Okay, no one actually said that to me,\nbut I’ve had churches try similar tactics.<\/p>\n\n \nAfter candidating in one church, my wife and I knew it was not God’s place\nfor us. We refused a couple of invitations to return for another weekend.\nThen the search-committee chairman called.<\/p>\n\n \n“John, we realize that you and Amy have said no,” he said. “But you need\nto know there are a significant number of people at the church who are praying\nfor God to change your mind, and they are fasting until you return.”<\/p>\n\n \nHow could we refuse?<\/p>\n\n \nWe drove up for another weekend, during which the Lord clearly confirmed\nour prior decision: “Didn’t I already tell you this wasn’t the place?” Under\npressure, we gave up a week of vacation and vast amounts of emotional energy.<\/p>\n\n \nI was amazed when a church that had expressed great interest in me called\nto ask if I would send another copy of my resume. They had lost the first\none.<\/p>\n\n \nFrom another church, I received a letter requesting more information. The\nletter had been typed with a typewriter that needed a new ribbon and made\nall the capitals a half line higher than lowercase letters. The blotchy,\nerratic document also had an address label pasted crookedly at the bottom.\nIt looked like a ransom note.<\/p>\n\n \nOnce, after filling the pulpit for a church hunting for a senior pastor,\nI received a handwritten letter from the chairman of the pulpit committee.\nI believe he was asking me to consider becoming a candidate, but I’m not\nsure, for he was a doctor and wrote the note himself; it wasn’t legible.<\/p>\n\n \nTo show up early for a date would communicate two things: either I was overeager\nor inconsiderate. Even more unthinkable would be to arrive impromptu and\nuninvited. Yet three churches began the candidating process with me by having\ncommittees show up unannounced.<\/p>\n\n \nOne church sent their pulpit committee for a surprise Sunday morning visit\nbefore mentioning their interest in me. That Sunday my predecessor was preaching.\nI didn’t know they had been there until their second visit, when again I\nwasn’t preaching.<\/p>\n\n \nIt puzzles me why some pulpit committees lead with their chin, but I must\nadmit it does cause me to be disgustingly friendly to visitors.<\/p>\n\n \nIn Bible school, I once spent an evening with a young woman who asked me\nrather pointed questions: “Has either of your parents or any immediate family\never been institutionalized?” I thought this rather forward for our first\ndate; she’d never met my family. Her next inquiry was how many children I\nwanted. “I think big families are neat,” she said.<\/p>\n\n \nI can usually tell the scars of a church by the questions they ask. Certain\ndoctrines are explored in depth, while foundational truths are left untouched.\nI’ve been asked “Which of Calvin’s five points do you agree with?” which\ncaused me to wonder how many bloody battles they have had and over which\npoint. I’ve heard the sloppily worded, “What is your view of women in your\nministry?” And the painfully slanted, “Will your wife work outside the home,\nor will she be involved in the ministry?”<\/p>\n\n \nOn one occasion, I was asked to answer on paper, “Would you ever let your\nchildren come and play in the office while you are working?” There was no\ngood way to answer that question; I had never thought of inviting my children\nover to play while trying to work. Yet I wouldn’t say I never would\n. . .<\/p>\n\n2.The Cheap Date.<\/h2>\n
3.The Silent Date.<\/h2>\n
4.The Manipulative Date. <\/h2>\n
5.The Clumsy Date.<\/h2>\n
6.The Impetuous Date. <\/h2>\n
7.The Inquisition Date. <\/h2>\n