{"id":34595,"date":"2024-10-17T17:35:00","date_gmt":"2024-10-17T17:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermon-illustrations\/number-one-phrase-in-successful-relationships\/"},"modified":"2024-10-17T17:35:00","modified_gmt":"2024-10-17T17:35:00","slug":"number-one-phrase-in-successful-relationships","status":"publish","type":"sermon-illustrations","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermon-illustrations\/number-one-phrase-in-successful-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Number One Phrase in Successful Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

Psychologists John and Julie Schwartz Gottman write:<\/p>\n\n

\n

While every partnership is unique, with its own set of challenges, there’s one thing that all couples have in common: We want to be appreciated. To be acknowledged for our efforts. We want to be seen.<\/p>\n

\n\n<\/p>\n\n<\/blockquote>\n\n

The No. 1 phrase in successful relationships: “Thank you.”<\/p>\n\n

A thriving relationship requires an enthusiastic culture of appreciation, where we’re as good at noticing the things our partners are doing right as we are at noticing what they’re doing wrong. But it’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeing what your partner is not<\/em> doing. You develop a narrative where you’re the one putting in all the effort, and you start to believe it’s true. Getting rid of this toxic mindset requires building a new one: scanning for the positives and saying “thank you.”<\/p>\n\n

You probably say “thank you” all day long, almost without thinking, to your colleagues, to the bagger at the supermarket, or to the stranger who holds the door for you. But in our most intimate relationships, we can forget how important saying “thank you” really is.<\/p>\n\n

For many couples we found that when one person started the cycle of appreciation, it became easy for the other to join in and strengthen it. Notice that they washed the breakfast dishes, answered phone calls, picked up the toys strewn all over the living room, and made you coffee when they went to make one for themselves.<\/p>\n\n

Thank them for something routine that they’re doing right, even if it’s small, even if they do it every day—in fact, especially if it’s small and they do it every day! But don’t just say “Hey, thanks.” Tell them why that small thing is a big deal to you: “Thank you for making the coffee every morning. I love waking up to the smell of it and the sounds of you in the kitchen. It just makes me start the day off right.”<\/p>\n\n

Possible Preaching Angle:<\/em><\/h2>\n\n

If saying “thank you” is crucial in human relationships, let’s remember how much more important it is to offer praise and gratitude to our Heavenly Father for all his grace and acts of kindness to us (Ps. 22:3; Ps. 100:4; 1 Pet. 2:9). <\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"template":"","tax_ctp_audience":[],"tax_ctp_authors":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[165],"tax_ctp_format":[171],"tax_ctp_illustration_types":[411],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[433],"tax_publications":[140],"tax_ctp_tags":[3734,3972,4092,4117,4120,4197,4425,4570,4694,4792,4793,4858,4885,5068,5144,5145],"tax_ctp_topics":[390],"class_list":["post-34595","sermon-illustrations","type-sermon-illustrations","status-publish","hentry","tax_publications-ct-pastors","tax_ctp_tags-dating","tax_ctp_tags-faultfinding","tax_ctp_tags-gratitude","tax_ctp_tags-happiness","tax_ctp_tags-harmony","tax_ctp_tags-husbands-wives","tax_ctp_tags-marriage","tax_ctp_tags-optimism","tax_ctp_tags-premarital-counseling","tax_ctp_tags-relationship","tax_ctp_tags-relationship-with-god","tax_ctp_tags-romantic-love","tax_ctp_tags-satisfaction","tax_ctp_tags-spouse","tax_ctp_tags-thankfulness","tax_ctp_tags-thanks"],"acf":{"scripture_references":[{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null}]},"yoast_head":"\nNumber One Phrase in Successful Relationships - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermon-illustrations\/number-one-phrase-in-successful-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Number One Phrase in Successful Relationships - CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psychologists John and Julie Schwartz Gottman write: While every partnership is unique, with its own set of challenges, there’s one thing that all couples have in common: We want to be appreciated. 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