{"id":65344,"date":"2026-03-06T14:21:54","date_gmt":"2026-03-06T14:21:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/?post_type=sermon-illustrations&p=65344"},"modified":"2026-03-06T14:21:55","modified_gmt":"2026-03-06T14:21:55","slug":"why-were-not-listening-eight-traps","status":"publish","type":"sermon-illustrations","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermon-illustrations\/why-were-not-listening-eight-traps\/","title":{"rendered":"Why We\u2019re Not Listening \u2013 Eight Traps"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

These eight traps are explained by the author in much more detail in the book represented by these few selected sentences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You have my undivided attention,\u2019 Homer announces to his family over the kitchen table in a scene from The Simpsons<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the camera zooms in to reveal the contents of Homer\u2019s mind, however, we see a cartoon jig, with a bird dancing, a cow on the fiddle and a tortoise banging percussively on its shell\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some traps are commonly held beliefs which destroy your desire to listen \u2013 truly listen \u2013 to others. Even if you are able to start listening, you can still fall into other traps that hijack your ability, as you listen, to stay present\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Want to Win. \u2018Winning\u2019 a conversation\u2026causes collateral damage across a relationship. You leave the speaker feeling dismissed or seething, convinced that you have willfully ignored them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Am in Charge. Your role is to explain to instruct, add value, be right, even at times to dictate. It\u2019s your job as boss, parent, elder, teacher, professor, older sibling or supervisor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Have Expertise (and You Don\u2019t). If you are caught in this expertise trap, (a relation of I am in charge), in your eyes the world is frozen. It\u2019s as if you have nothing new to learn, because you already know what they are going to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Must Prove I\u2019m a Man. Indeed, in the workplace there is a clear link between gender assertiveness, and the role of a speaker and listener. Here, men may feel the need to be dominant, authoritative or persuasive to avoid the risk of being marginalized. So, they drill themselves not in sensitivity or receptiveness but in delivering a strong message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Must Solve and Sort. The temptation to offer advice intensifies if you believe that your greatest value lies in your capacity to mend the lives of others, or if you feel the need to control a situation to stay safe. But if you are ensnared by this listening trap, you and your speaker could both lose out. When you listen to solve rather than to understand, you take on the speaker\u2019s responsibility and deny them their agency. This burdens you and disempowers them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Don\u2019t Have Time. Our challenge is that we think many times faster than we talk. Our brains can digest 400 words each minute, as we often recognize words in conversation before they\u2019ve been fully spoken, but we speak at about half that speed. As this excess processing power lies idle, listening can feel slow and frustrating, so we become subsumed in daydreaming or planning our response. If I Listen, I Must Obey. \u2018Listen to me!\u2019 your teacher yells at you\u2026but what she means is: Obey me! Keep quiet! Sit still!<\/em> So, it\u2019s perhaps not surprising that ingrained in your subconscious is a belief that listening binds you to a whole set of obligations: \u2026If you listen, you must fulfil all the expectations of the person talking to you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"template":"","tax_ctp_audience":[],"tax_ctp_authors":[],"tax_ctp_categories":[165],"tax_ctp_format":[171],"tax_ctp_illustration_types":[],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[140],"tax_ctp_tags":[3391,3453,3793,3802,4330,4380,4552],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-65344","sermon-illustrations","type-sermon-illustrations","status-publish","hentry","tax_publications-ct-pastors","tax_ctp_tags-advice","tax_ctp_tags-attention","tax_ctp_tags-discipleship","tax_ctp_tags-disobedience","tax_ctp_tags-knowledge","tax_ctp_tags-listening","tax_ctp_tags-obedience"],"acf":{"scripture_references":[{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null},{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null}]},"yoast_head":"\nWhy We\u2019re Not Listening \u2013 Eight Traps - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermon-illustrations\/why-were-not-listening-eight-traps\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why We\u2019re Not Listening \u2013 Eight Traps - CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"These eight traps are explained by the author in much more detail in the book represented by these few selected sentences. \u2018You have my undivided attention,\u2019 Homer announces to his family over the kitchen table in a scene from The Simpsons. 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