{"id":32899,"date":"2005-08-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-26T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermons\/how-to-handle-anger\/"},"modified":"2005-08-26T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2005-08-26T00:00:00","slug":"how-to-handle-anger","status":"publish","type":"sermons","link":"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermons\/how-to-handle-anger\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-audio\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/19\/2005\/08\/18713.mp3\"><\/audio><\/figure>\n\n<p>My thesis this morning is\nthis: That in Jesus Christ there is available all the necessary resources to\nbring about complete reconciliation. May I say that again. In Jesus Christ\nthere are available all the necessary resources to be perfectly reconciled. I\ndid not say that every circumstance, every alienation, every brokenness is\ngoing to be healed. I said the resources are available. Some choose not to use\nthose resources, and thus go through life alienated, bitter, distanced from\nothers.<\/p>\n    <p>The reality of anger is a reality\nfor everyone of us. There is not one of us that does not have anger, rightly or\nwrongly, some time in his or her life, and the reason is easy to understand.\nAnytime you come into a relationship with somebody else, the more intimate that\nrelationship is, the deeper your desires, longings and your agendas are. And\nnowhere in human relationships does one person perfectly meet all the needs and\ndesires and dreams of another person, and those desires are deep and real to\nyou. You are going to be frustrated and feel deprived if those needs are not\nmet. Now that&#8217;s a primary level of emotion. If your desires and needs are truly\nbasic to your human personality, something necessary for life, that&#8217;s going to\nbe a driving motivation that isn&#8217;t going to give up. And if it&#8217;s not met,\nthere&#8217;s going to be frustration, and that frustration is going to led to a\nsecond level of emotion. And part of that experience is going to include what?\nAnger. You said it, and so did I. Anger is a real part of all human existence.<\/p>\n    <p>Some people might say, &#8220;Well, Louis,\nI&#8217;ve been told that persons should never be angry.&#8221; Well, there are a few\nisolated passages from Paul&#8217;s letters that might be interpreted that way but\nnot if you take the totality of his writings. And God also has been angry at\ntimes, and Jesus Christ has been angry. But you say, &#8220;Yes, but that&#8217;s God.\nThat&#8217;s Christ.&#8221; What about Paul? There were times when he was angry. If you&#8217;re\nnever angry at anything you may be morally dead. If nothing raises your ire, if\nthere&#8217;s no righteous indignation, God help you and the society in which you\nlive. Placid, phlegmatic, flabby, that&#8217;s not the kind of Christianity we&#8217;re\ntalking about. When there is injustice or unrighteousness and oppression we\nshould be angry.<\/p>\n    <p>Now there are other times when our\nanger is quite invalid. We&#8217;re angry for the wrong reason. And if you&#8217;ve never\nhad that experience, come to me. I&#8217;ll give you some personal experiences. But\nwhether it be valid anger or invalid anger, all of us experience anger. Now,\nwhat are we going to do about it?<\/p>\n    <p>King Saul had a very basic need in\nhis personality. Once he was appointed king he desperately desired to be at the\nepitome of people&#8217;s respect and love. Now that desire came from a deep personal\nneed.. As we look back into the (psycho?) biography of this man we see that\nwhen Samuel found him in the field, the prophet to anoint him king, although he\nwas a tall man physically, he was head and shoulders above everybody else,\nthere was an insecurity, a lack of ego worth in his heart, and he tried to\ndemure from the anointing. &#8220;You must be talking about my brothers.&#8221; &#8220;No, it&#8217;s\nyou.&#8221; And that said something about Saul&#8217;s basic sense of insecurity and\nunsureness about himself. He carried that right into his kingship.<\/p>\n    <p>So one of his young, loyal citizens\nled a of host of soldiers against the Philistines and won a great victory, that\nyoung man&#8217;s name was David, the people in the streets began to sing the songs\nto David. &#8220;Saul has killed his thousands, but David has killed his ten\nthousands.&#8221; And that basic desire of Saul&#8217;s to be at the epitome of their\nrespect and loyalty was frustrated and he carried that out in jealousy and\nanger. And he refused to be reconciled. He sent posses out after David to kill\nhim.<\/p>\n    <p>He entered into that search and\ndestroy effort himself. One night he and his colleagues were bivouacked on the side of a creek And\nDavid&#8217;s men came upon him there and quietly, stealthily snuck into the camp\nthat night, and David stood over Saul with his sword and instead he cut off a\npart of his garment and took it back in his waistband. The next morning at dawn\nhe called across the stream, &#8220;King Saul, why do you persecute and come after\nyour servant? You are God&#8217;s anointed. I could have killed you last night. Here\nto prove it is a remnant of your garment. Why do you pursue your servant?&#8221; And\nSaul refused to be reconciled.<\/p>\n    <p>Notice the dynamics that happened in\nSaul&#8217;s life and it will happen in many lives today or something similar to it.\nWhere there is that basic lack of security and anger and mistrust with it, it\nsoon goes through the chemistry of becoming paranoia. And that emotional and\nspiritual sickness took the kingdom right out of the hand of Saul and destroyed\nhim and those who were close to him. His own beautiful son Jonathan was killed\nwith him, and David lost a blessed covenant brother.<\/p>\n    <p>Well, how do we handle anger? I say\nthere are three things you can do with anger. I know this is an\noversimplification, but we Presbyterians like things in threesomes.<\/p>\n    <h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead1\">You Can Try to Repress Anger.<\/h2>\n    <p>First of all, you can try to repress\nit. But we know enough of psychology to know that doesn&#8217;t work. You can stuff\nFibber McGee&#8217;s closet so full that somebody opens the door one day and that\ndelicate balance is disrupted and what happens? It floods out at the most\nunexpected, inopportune moment. You can try sweeping things under the rug. God\nhelp you if you come in the dark or somebody else will stumble all over what&#8217;s\nbeen left unattended to. As you try to repress your anger, it may appear\nsuccessful. She doesn&#8217;t know. He doesn&#8217;t know. No, you can&#8217;t hide it. It&#8217;s\ngoing to stretch itself in one or more of four different ways.<\/p>\n    <p>Spiritually. If you refuse to be\nreconciled, if you refuse to forgive, then, my friends, do not count on the\nforgiveness of God. And you know that deep in your heart. And you have all this\nunprocessed guilt just building up like a feted fermenting mass, and it&#8217;s going\nto erode your spirit. There has to be a way of processing that and getting rid\nof it.<\/p>\n    <p>Now in your automobile every time\nyou fire up the car when the engine is cold you&#8217;ll notice that vapor comes out\nthe exhaust pipe either as vapor or in the forms of drops. A lot of water is\ngoing into your crankcase. Later on as the conduction gets hotter that does not\nhappen, but that mixed with the sulfur dioxides, which forms sulfuric acid, you\nleave that unattended and processed in your crankcase and what&#8217;s going to\nhappen? It&#8217;s going to corrode a part of your engine. It will never be the same.\nSo either you run the car long enough and get it hot enough to burn off that\nstuff, notice heat, or you&#8217;re going to change your oil.<\/p>\n    <p>And we Christians must do exactly\nthe same thing. When was the last time you changed your relational oil and got\nrid of all that built up stuff that was in your heart against somebody else?\nAnd that lack of love, that lack of forgiveness is going to radiate from you like\na blinking light. It can&#8217;t be hidden.<\/p>\n    <p>Second, it&#8217;s going to show itself\nphysically. There are people who are in hospitals today who are physically ill\nbecause they will not forgive somebody else or they will not accept\nforgiveness. They refuse to be reconciled in an alienated relationship. Anger\nand hostility are just built up inside them. Peptic ulcer, some forms of\ncolitis, some forms of arthritis, chronic bladder and kidney infections,\nmigraine headaches, some respiratory problems. I don&#8217;t think that&#8217;s my problem\nthis morning. Many physical disorders. Hypertension can be caused by this. You\nleave it unresolved and it&#8217;s going to affect your body because we are whole\nentities, and the psyche and the spirit are not separated from the soma.<\/p>\n    <p>Thirdly, it&#8217;s going to affect you\npsychologically. Have you heard anybody say to you &#8220;He&#8217;s blind with rage,&#8221; &#8220;I\nwas so mad I couldn&#8217;t see&#8221;? That&#8217;s exactly what happens. Persons absorbed in a\nhostile relationship miss, they are blind to the creative alternatives going by.\nThey don&#8217;t see them. The way out of this mess goes by unnoticed because they&#8217;re\nblind with rage. Unresolved anger causes a deprivation of motivation. Your\nenergy level is sapped tremendously. Anger eats up energy like a jet in\nafterburner. You&#8217;ll be tired with anger unresolved. It can lead to depression.\nIt is one of the major causes of depression. It can lead to withdrawal from\nsociety.<\/p>\n    <p>There&#8217;s a fourth way in which it&#8217;s\ngoing to express itself, and that is socially. If you try to repress anger and\nleave it unresolved it&#8217;s going to show up in your human relationships. It&#8217;s\ngoing to show up in always being critical, always resisting something that&#8217;s\ncreative and new. A story is told about a Scottish elder going off to the kirk\nfor the session meeting. And somebody asked, &#8220;Angus, what you going to talk\nabout tonight?&#8221; He said, &#8220;I dinna&#8217; kin but whatever it is I&#8217;m a giv&#8217; it.&#8221; And\nsome face life like that. The first response to anything is no opportunities\nare lost.<\/p>\n    <p>It will show itself in that goading\nof other people, gossip and slander. You know you wouldn&#8217;t pick up a physical\nweapon, but, oh, how people slash with their tongue. It&#8217;s a form of unresolved\nanger. We Presbyterians believe in predestination. Sometimes I think we believe\neven more in procrastination. You know that procrastination is a socially\naccepted form of anger? They call it the command resistance syndrome. It&#8217;s\ngoing to lead to those snide cutting remarks in a social occasion that\nbelittles somebody else or some other race. No, you can&#8217;t repress anger and\nexpect it to go unnoticed. It&#8217;s going to show itself one way or another.<\/p>\n    <p>\n      <strong>You Can Try to Express Anger.<\/strong>\n    <\/p>\n    <p>All right. If repression is no good,\nwhat&#8217;s the alternative? Oh, you say, &#8220;Express it.&#8221; That&#8217;s right. Now here we\ncome into a double trap. Expressing can go two ways. It can go off in a\ndestructive manner, or it can go off in a constructive manner. Now what&#8217;s the\ndifference? I&#8217;m going to make four parallels today, four comparisons.<\/p>\n    <p>First of all, anger becomes\ndestructive if it&#8217;s expressed to a decoy and not to the real situation or\nperson. Jesus said if you know that somebody has ought against you, you leave\nthe most important tasks of life and you&#8217;re talking about religious ceremony,\nand you go and be reconciled to that person if at all possible. As far as in\nyou lies, be at peace with all people. As far as in you lies, take the\ninitiative. Move out and try to be reconciled to this person. Make every effort\nyou possibly can. Don&#8217;t express it to some decoy.<\/p>\n    <p>Let&#8217;s say you&#8217;ve had a disappointing\ntime at the office. You&#8217;ve done a marvelous piece of work and your boss has\ntaken the credit for it and hasn&#8217;t even put your name on the paper, and you\ncome home just seethingly angry. Somebody has left the makings of a peanut\nbutter sandwich all over the place. Half of the peanut butter is out on the\nbread but the rest is on the counter or elsewhere. In fact, they&#8217;ve even gotten\nsome peanut butter in the red raspberry jar, and there&#8217;s no excuse for that in\nyour book. You don&#8217;t like peanut butter, but you love red raspberry. You can\nhardly wait to find that person. You find him and loaded up with this anger of\nwhat happened to you at the office you unload all this excessive anger upon\nthis poor, unsuspecting future generation, who of course can&#8217;t handle this big\nperson standing over against him or her, so this one goes after the dog and\ntomorrow the dog bites the mailman. Everybody expressing anger to a decoy.\nThere&#8217;s nothing creative about that at all.<\/p>\n    <p>Go to the person and be reconciled.\nI know that will mean leaping into arenas and wrestling with dragons. And it&#8217;s\ndifficult. It&#8217;s painful. You&#8217;re going to suffer pain one way or the other. You\ncan choose your pain. One of them is going to end victoriously, most probably,\nand the other is a sure dead end.<\/p>\n    <p>A second parallel that we want to\ncompare is that of pride. A destructive expression of anger is out of\ntimeframe, out of reasonable timeframe. You know there are some people that are\nthe fastest guns in town. As soon as they&#8217;re angry they&#8217;re shooting at everybody\nin sight. If you were to take in a glass and mark the rise and anger it might\ngo like this. Here you are at a nice low level of peacefulness. Something\nhappens and all of a sudden a spike of anger comes up, then it comes back down\nand finally settles out to some level of anger but nearly as high as that\nspike. And if you communicate at the moment of the spike it will be excessive\nwithout any mellowing of insight.<\/p>\n    <p>They say count ten, do more, think.\nWhat were the dynamics of this anger? What was my part in it? What was the\nother person&#8217;s part in it? There are many times when I&#8217;ve been very angry and\nthen I&#8217;ve seen where I did something that stimulated or was part of the anger,\nand I had to go not only in and count it. I had to go in confession. Wait until\nyou get clarity, then go. And don&#8217;t wait too long.<\/p>\n    <p>Those of us, those of you who have\nbeen in our home know that we have a lovely golden retriever named Brie. She&#8217;s\na beautiful dog, smart about many things and not so smart about others. She\nloves turkey breast. And on several occasions we have been foolish enough to\nleave it within reach of that long, tall dog. I remember one day we put the\nturkey carcass back on the kitchen counter where I thought it was safe. The\nnext morning Colleen came down and that in  for her cup of\ncoffee and slipped on the turkey grease on the floor. Didn&#8217;t take long to find\nthe carcass or Brie, who looked very chagrined.<\/p>\n    <p>Now, what if I waited a year and\nthen out of timeframe completely gave that dog a good spanking? What would be\nthe affect? She would not ? at all with eating turkey breast. Instead she would\nbegin to doubt my relationship with her and cower every time I raised my hand.\nIf, on the other hand, with that half consumed turkey carcass there leaving us\nonly the thighs and the drumsticks and if disciplined at that point, she knows\nwhat it&#8217;s all about. I don&#8217;t guarantee she&#8217;s never going to do it again. I&#8217;m\nnot going to tempt her. We now put it on the top of the icebox, but at least\nshe doesn&#8217;t cower. And at times I will raise my hand in mock gesture of a\nspanking and she won&#8217;t move. She&#8217;ll just stand there licking and wagging\nbecause she knows she hasn&#8217;t done anything wrong. The relationship is secure.<\/p>\n    <p>Do it at the earliest reasonable\ntimeframe. Paul says don&#8217;t let the sun go down on your anger. The longer\nunresolved anger stays within you the more that becomes fermented and rancid.\nDon&#8217;t let that happen. Paul says don&#8217;t give the devil that opportunity.<\/p>\n    <p>Thirdly, a destructive expression of\nanger disregards and is insensitive to both the intensity and the mode of\nexpression. Not everybody responds to encounter the same way. Some all you need\nto do is look at them with a furled brow and they become molten butter. Others\nyou have to hit with a 2&#215;4, not literally, to get their attention. Now what&#8217;s\nthe proper intensity of communication? Also, what&#8217;s the proper mode? Learn\nsomebody&#8217;s personality well enough to understand what&#8217;s going to be acceptable\nand effective.<\/p>\n    <p>\n      <strong>You Can Try to Reconcile Anger.<\/strong>\n    <\/p>\n    <p>A creative expression of anger seeks\nto remove a barrier from a relationship; a destructive expression of anger\nseeks to wound or destroy, to wreck revenge. And it doesn&#8217;t take a superior\nmentality to recognize the difference.<\/p>\n    <p>I&#8217;ve had people come to me\nin criticism and I knew their intent was to belittle and wound. I&#8217;ll have to\nadmit to you. I rejected and became defensive in the presence of such critique.\nOn other times Colleen has come to me and said, &#8220;Louis, our relationship means\ntoo much to me. You know how I love you, but you did something that hurt me or\nsomebody else.&#8221; Now again, in both there&#8217;s going to be pain.<\/p>\n    <p>John the apostle very sensitively\nrecords this fact, that when Jesus encountered Peter after his threefold denial\nJesus asked him twice using the Greek word, or at least John records it in the\nGreek word <em>agapao. <\/em>Do you love me with a , unconditional\nlove? And Peter cannot answer that with that same word &#8220;Yes, Lord, you know I\nlove you.&#8221; Even though it sounds like it in the English, he uses another word <em>phileo<\/em>,\nwhich means to love as a friend, but that&#8217;s got some limits to it. Why did\nPeter say that unless somehow Jesus had disappointed Peter&#8217;s expectation of the\nMessiah&#8217;s identity? He didn&#8217;t fulfill what Peter wanted. Lord, you frustrated\nme. I&#8217;ve got some anger with you. And Jesus, living out his premiseif you know\nanybody has anything against you, go to that person to be reconciledso he asks\nPeter the first two times &#8220;Do you love me?&#8221; The third time he uses Peter&#8217;s\nword. &#8220;Peter, <em>phileta me?&#8221;<\/em> Do\nyou love me as a friend with limitations? Is that the kind of love we&#8217;re\ntalking about?<\/p>\n    <p>Peter answers back: Lord, you know\neverything. You understand how I feel. Yes, you did disappoint me. <em>Phileote,<\/em>\nthat&#8217;s how I love you. <\/p>\n    <p>And then Jesus in a beautiful\nstatement of reconciliation says, &#8220;Peter, I want you to feed my sheep. I leave\nyou in the job as shepherd of the flock.&#8221; Reconciliation, a functional\nrelationship working fully as before. The pain was there but so was the\nhealing.<\/p>\n    <p>You say, &#8220;Louis, if I&#8217;m going to\nhave to go through pain I want some payoff.&#8221; I don&#8217;t blame you. I don&#8217;t want to\ngo through pain for no reason. What&#8217;s the payoff? I&#8217;d like to give you two\npromises.<\/p>\n    <p>The first is this. Your relationship\nwhen this is over is going to be stronger than it was beforehand. As a boy in\nPittsburgh I grew up loving to look across from the Monongahela River to the blast furnaces. And in the old days\nthey would pike up. They&#8217;d start out with a layer of coke and then some\nlimestone and then some ore, crushed ore, and then they&#8217;d repeat this and then\nblast air up through that thing, and molten pig iron would come out. They would\ntake that pig iron and some of it they would take over to Bessemer converter\nit. Now, pig iron is all right for certain things. You can make waste sewer\npipes out of it. You can cast stoves out of it and some old utensils, but it\ndoesn&#8217;t have that strength. It&#8217;s brittle. Now if you put it into a Bessemer\nconverter and put some other alloying steel in there, and then you force\nthrough a shot of pure oxygen, the heat rises tremendously and suddenly the\nmetals are amalgamized and the impurities burned out. And what comes out is\nsteel with tremendous tensile strength or spring capability able to do special\ntop functions.<\/p>\n    <p>Now if you&#8217;ve never gone through a\nreconciliation process you may have a good relationship but it&#8217;s going to be\nlimited. It&#8217;s going to be like pig iron. You can do some good things with it,\nbut when God is finished with this process of honest reconciliation there will\nbe a special steel in your life that will be able to handle even the most\nrugged circumstances and treatments in life. I promise you that.<\/p>\n    <p>And second I promise you this. That\nif you do everything you can to be reconciled to another person and that\nreconciliation has not worked, God will give you a peace even though admittedly\nthere&#8217;s going to be an unstitched relationship somewhere in the past. Jesus\nsaid if they will not listen to you then shake off the dust from your feet and\ngo to the next town. In other words, don&#8217;t let that past experience hold you\ndown from your present and future actions. Shake that dust of that relationship\noff your feet. It is not that you were careless. You&#8217;re simply recognizing the\ndynamic of reality. Another person has not chosen to make use of those\navailable resources in Jesus Christ, but you can go at peace, peace, wonderful\npeace, and live for tomorrow.<\/p>\n    <p>My friends, the world is waiting to\nsee the results of being a Christian. Let&#8217;s show them this thrilling dynamic of\nhaving made use of those necessary resources available to us in Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n    <h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead2\">\n      <span style=\"\" class=\"subhead\">Louis Evans Jr.<\/span> served as the\nSenior Pastor of National Presbyterian Church in Washington, D.C..<\/h2>\n    <p>(c) <span style=\"\" class=\"\">Louis Evans Jr<\/span><\/p>\n    <h2 class=\"wp-block-heading is-style-article-subhead2\">Preaching Today Tape # 6<\/h2>\n    <p>\n      <a href=\"http:\/\/www.preachingtodaysermons.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">www.PreachingTodaySermons.com<\/a>\n    <\/p>\n    <p>A resource of\nChristianity Today International<\/p>","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":0,"template":"","tax_ctp_audience":[306],"tax_ctp_authors":[2330],"tax_ctp_categories":[165],"tax_ctp_field_guide_subcategory":[],"tax_ctp_field_guides":[],"tax_ctp_format":[170],"tax_ctp_multimedia":[412],"tax_ctp_point_editor":[],"tax_publications":[140],"tax_ctp_sermon_series":[],"tax_ctp_tags":[3414,4010,4777,4792],"tax_ctp_topics":[],"class_list":["post-32899","sermons","type-sermons","status-publish","hentry","tax_ctp_authors-louis-evans-jr","tax_publications-ct-pastors","tax_ctp_tags-anger","tax_ctp_tags-forgiveness","tax_ctp_tags-reconciliation","tax_ctp_tags-relationship"],"acf":{"scripture_references":[{"first_verse":null,"add_second_verse":false,"second_verse":null}]},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Handle Anger - CT Pastors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.christianitytoday.com\/pastors\/preaching\/sermons\/how-to-handle-anger\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Handle Anger - CT Pastors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My thesis this morning is this: That in Jesus Christ there is available all the necessary resources to bring about complete reconciliation. May I say that again. In Jesus Christ there are available all the necessary resources to be perfectly reconciled. 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