Confrontation - always difficult, often necessary. And something that many of us do badly or not at all. We tend to default toward one of two paths; either we run from it or we find ourselves continually confronting everything: fight or flight. It doesn't take too long to realize that both of these methods are more often than not ineffective.

FLIGHT: Are you one of those people who will do anything to avoid a face-to-face encounter when something difficult must be discussed? You're frustrated, boiling on the inside, but when the issue is raised, you smile and nod as though you're in total agreement. Then you walk away, irritated with yourself because you had the opportunity but you didn't say the things that needed to be said.

You are overwhelmed by hidden emotions that no one suspects you have, and then one day you blow up over something insignificant and leave everyone around you feeling confused and hurt. Worse still, you may never express how you are feeling but you are tired and unhappy all the time because you feel victimized by people and circumstances and you are unable to directly address the issues that cause you to feel that way. You resort to dropping heavy hints or telling others in the same circle about how you're feeling in the hope that somehow the message will get across to the right people, but it rarely does. You say yes when you want to say no, and you deny there's a problem when everything in you is screaming for resolution. And?you feel sorry for yourself because no one understands you!

FIGHT: The other side of the coin expresses itself with confrontation of every issue at every level, be it large or small. You see yourself as truthful or direct, but others see you as hurtful, combative, and controlling, often displaying a total lack of awareness of the other side of the issue or the feelings of the people involved. You're always having to psyche yourself up for another battle, your bow is always taut and there's rarely any downtime; everything's a campaign that has to be fought and won, although you would call it being resolved. Living like this is a sure way to lose friendships as well as influence, causing raised blood pressure and other health issues. And?you feel sorry for yourself because no one understands you!

GODLY CONFRONTATION: Jesus was never afraid to confront, but his confrontation was strategic and specific rather than generalised or nebulous. If anyone had the right to confront, it was he. He was perfect; the world then and now is not, yet despite what we would think, He didn't waste time trying to right every wrong, nor did he white wash over issues that needed attention. Amazingly, some of the things we would have addressed, he left unspoken and other things that we would never have noticed, he challenged head on.

What is the difference between him and us? Is it possible that the issue could be trust? He had an intimate and continuing relationship with his Father, which meant that minute-by-minute he was aware of how to deal with the issues at hand. He knew when he could trust God to convict the person without his intervention, and he understood when Father wanted him to face up to an issue and address it directly.

He didn't address the mixture of belief and unbelief of the father who wanted healing for his son, or condemn the woman in adultery, but he did challenge the Pharisees for their hypocritical expression of religion and he did curse the fruitlessness of the fig tree. Why he did what he did is between him and God, but his example is one that we can easily follow. The confrontation we run from provides training opportunities to help us deal with our fear of others. Conversely, where we are tempted to overdo confrontation as a means of resolution, we can develop our faith muscles by going to God instead and trusting him to sort it out without us having to say a word.

Like many spiritual principles, this kind of trust is so easy and so difficult. It takes a determination to be in relationship with God over every issue that affects us, allowing him to help us understand how to resolve the pressure of our issues with each other.

If we can master this one, we will be doing ourselves, and our sphere of influence, a big favor!