While checking my children into the nursery at church last week, an acquaintance of mine approached. "Susan, this is who I've been telling you about!" she exclaimed, pulling her friend behind her. She turned to me with a big smile. "I've been telling Susan all about you, how you're so good at speaking. You are the best teacher!"

I froze, not sure what to say. She continued, "I don't know how you do it all, with all you do at church, and your kids are so well-behaved and you are so thin!" I smiled and coughed out a "thanks." Inside, I was cringing. I knew she meant well, but I felt incredibly awkward. I ran through some of my possible responses:

"Yeah, I think I'm the best teacher of all of them too!" The arrogant approach, while hoping none of them are standing behind me.

"Actually, I'm terrified to stand in front of people" The false humility approach.

"Don't worry, my kids are actually brats." The somewhat true but uncomfortable approach.

I realize that I find it very hard to take a compliment. A room full of people? No problem. But one person's full attention? I avoid it like the grocery store on Sunday.

With leadership comes the spotlight, a place where your work is recognized. Learning to graciously accept compliments will boost your confidence as well as make the compliment-er feel comfortable with you. Here's what I've learned:

DO say thank you.

A simple thank you would have worked well in my exchange. If I had insisted my teaching was "no big deal" or "not that good," I would be downplaying the use of my talents for God's work. Self-deprecating comes easily, as it masquerades as humility. My acceptance of her verbal gift - whether or not I fully agreed - allows me to bless her efforts to encourage me.

DO use the compliment to open conversation.

If I was properly caffeinated on Sunday, perhaps I could have thought quicker in my compliment-exchange. I would have liked to respond with a thank you and used the compliment to start a conversation about the Bible study. This would have allowed me to accept her verbal gift while moving on to equal ground.

DON'T return the compliment - unless you mean it.

A flashing signal of insincerity is a hastily returned compliment. Have you ever received a compliment because the person didn't know what else to say? Once I tried highlights at home, and the resulting blond-and-orange zebra stripes demanded notice. "Oh!" several women said, their voices rising and falling in a crescendo, "your hair looks so great!" Using compliments as a cover is inauthentic.

DON'T blabber.

A friend of mine told me about her own experience with compliments-gone-south. A pastor praised her administrative work with the children's ministry at church. My friend replied, "Yes, well I sure needed that master's degree in elementary education to wipe my kid's noses and drive the minivan." Conversation turned to awkward silence while the pastor mumbled something about "gifts." My friend kicked herself for the rest of the week.

DO share your weaknesses with your platform.

Receiving compliments about my strengths is much easier when I'm openly sharing my weaknesses. The "well-behaved children" compliment bothered me because of how hard I actually find mothering. When I reflected in prayer on my irritation, God gently reminded me how often I share my own struggles at raising young children. It's easy to parade my best side as a leader. But when I'm willing to speak openly about my struggles, it makes it easier to take pride in the strengths God has given me.

DON'T plan to meet everyone's expectations.

I'm learning to recognize that other's disappointment is inevitable. As my influence rises, so do people's expectations. People recognize and herald gifts, and I begin to feel that others have a false expectation of what I can accomplish. They probably do.

One of the reasons I was uncomfortable with the teaching compliment is my own pressure to be "the best" every time. Confessing to God my desire for others' approval and talking with a friend about the pressure of expectations has helped relieve the pressure that comes with leadership.

I would like to receive a compliment without appearing cocky, awkward or ungrateful. And by modeling this ss a leader, I can influence others in practicing authentic expressions of encouragement. Next time I'm in the nursery line, I'll have my smile and thank you ready!

Nicole Unice is a contributing editor for GiftedforLeadership.com, and a counselor, speaker, and writer. She also serves in Family and Student Ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA.