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Grooming Leaders

"And then," the student continued, "The professor interrupted me in the middle of my presentation. He totally didn't take me seriously." My colleague and I looked at each other.

"He might . . ." I paused and began again. "You . . ." I looked at her, wrangled my courage and spit it out. "I wonder if your outfit was subliminally causing him not . . . um . . . to take your presentation seriously." She looked at me, surprised.

"You do look a little like you're going to a party," my colleague commiserated, nodding at the large flower in her hair.

"And it's cute," I said, "But inappropriate for a presentation."

Aspiring leaders long to be taken seriously. Sometimes - in some circles - we can't do much to make this happen. But we can try.

After my experience with this student, I came up with some simple, proactive ways to encourage young leaders to present themselves that garner respect. Of course, it's not surefire, nor scientific, but it may help. Let me know what you think.

1. Dress in clothes that fit.

As those of us who have spent hours looking for a pair of jeans that actually fit know, the fact that most clothes don't fit most women well comes as no surprise. Learn about your body dimensions and wear clothing that flatters your body type. Go through your closet and give away the clothes that are too small. Ask a friend who sews (Pay or barter for her services.) or a tailor to alter the clothing that fits badly. Looking presentable is not just about fashion, it's about fit.

2. Learn the difference between being unique and being flamboyant.

Some women are happy to put on a traditional, nondescript outfit and walk out the door. This tip is not for those women. This tip is for me, my student, and any other women who love unique or vintage clothing and lots of accessories. Choose one fun accessory, if you must. Ask yourself, "Do I look like a character in a play?" If the answer is yes, tone it down, sister. There's dressing up and then there's dressing up for a party. Work, business meetings, and presentations are not parties, even if they are fun.

3. Listen to your inflection.

Many women have a tendency to make declarative statements as if they have an invisible question mark at the end. While there's nothing wrong with this, a declarative sentence that sounds like a question implies doubt or insecurity, as if one is not sure what she's talking about.

4. Watch your language.

I'm not talking about four letter words here, that's a given. I'm talking about filler words such as "like," "you know," and "um." These little buggers infiltrate our speech every day. When you're thinking about which word to use next, pause, take a breath, think silently. Then talk. You will appear more thoughtful and, perhaps, you may become so.

5. Say "I" instead of "you"; say"think" instead of "feel"

Have you ever heard someone interviewed on the evening news telling about a crime they witnessed? "You just don't know what's going to happen around here anymore," a woman says, talking about herself. It's fine to talk about yourself, but take responsibility for that choice and say "I," not "you," when you are truly the subject.

Of course, if it's an issue of emotion, say "feel," but too often our thoughts are discussed as if they were emotions. "Thought" evokes a wiser connotation and implies that you're approaching the topic with an educated perspective. "Feel," is more nebulous and, like our emotions, more prone to change.

6. Navigate cultural literacy.

It happens to all of us. Someone brings up something we, somehow, missed in school or popular culture. I know someone who says, "Never heard of it," whenever I bring up a book with which she's unfamiliar. I know someone else who says, "I don't read fiction," ending the conversation. Even if you don't read fiction, or have never heard of a certain book, movie, theological or political idea, look upon the conversation as a way you can learn about something new (even if you don't check the book out of the library right away). Say "I don't know much about this. Tell me more."

What have you done to encourage others to take you more seriously? What's worked? What hasn't?

May01, 2009 at 8:53 PM

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