Lately, I’ve been thinking about emotions and pastoral ministry—particularly, when it comes to qualities like managing self-awareness and developing relational empathy with those I’ve been entrusted to lead. Pastors often pride ourselves on having a high IQ (intelligence quotient) even as we flaunt our indifference to EQ (emotional quotient, or our skill in handling emotions). Many of us rightly reject elevating feelings above truth, but we must be careful not to swing the pendulum to the other extreme. Managing and understanding the role of emotions is critical for every leader, especially those who shepherd God’s people.

Unfortunately, numerous pastors would call emotional intelligence a “feminine quality.” Some even argue that men are the intellectual epicenter of the church and women are the emotional one. This demeans emotional intelligence as unnecessary at best, and at worst a liability reserved for women who can’t control their tears.

This ...