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Q: Our older dog is not expected to live much longer. And our son wants to know if animals go to heaven when they die. How can I help our preschooler transition through the loss of our beloved pet?

A: The reality of death is difficult to deal with for grownups and kids alike. Yet at some point, we must all come to terms with it. Though it's a sad time, you can help your preschooler with his pet's death and also prepare him to deal later on with human losses, such as the death of a grandparent and others in his life. In fact, the questions he asks about his pet are often about him at a deeper level: "Will God take care of me when I die?" This is a vital opportunity for you.

Preschoolers have an unformed and almost magical idea of death. They're not sure what dying is all about. They don't have a clear idea if it's like sleeping or if it's a trip to another dimension. They don't know if it's good, bad, permanent or temporary. Your basic task is to help your child see that the death of a pet is real. And yet it's a reality that's bearable because he has a mom who will help him understand and deal with it.

Here are some steps to follow:

Death is a normal reality. Your preschooler needs to know that pets and people get old or sick and die; this is a normal part of life. Though we don't like death, it's not something that scares or panics Mom. It's "the way things go." Your child needs to know he's with a safe parent who can handle this sort of reality. Then he'll feel prepared to deal with it.

God loves pets (and people). Reassure your child of God's love and care for your pet. He knows what's best for him and for all of us. Read to him David's words from the Psalms: "You care for people and animals alike, O Lord." Psalm 36:6 (NLT) God is involved and protective. And he's stronger than death. Personally, we believe there's a case for the Bible to teach that animals are in heaven! Check out your local Christian bookstore for authors who write about this.

It's OK to feel sad. Sadness and grief are God's way of helping us honor those we've lost, let them go and move on. Tell your child you understand how much he misses his pet. Tell him you're sad, too, and that it's OK to cry. Comfort his sad feelings and talk with him empathetically.

Create a positive memory. Help your preschooler remember what he loved about his pet. Remembering helps a child create a positive emotional memory inside his heart about his relationship with his pet. It also helps with the grief process. Talk about the funny and cute things his pet did in the home and what a great pet he was.

Get back into life's activities. Grief was not intended to be permanent, but a season. Preschoolers will normally not be sad for too long and will be ready for you to help them get busy with their activities and friends. When your son has expressed his feelings and remembered what he loved about his pet, guide him toward his normal activities. And depending on your family circumstances think about getting a new pet.

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