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Marriage Partnership, Winter 2004
The Best Sex (Survey) Ever!
Ever wondered how your sex life compares to that of other readers? Sure, you have! So read on.
By Cindy Crosby
| The Basics |
| How satisfied are you with your sex life? |
| Very satisfied |
30% |
| Satisfied |
33% |
| Neutral |
15% |
| Dissatisfied |
17% |
| Very dissatisfied |
5% |
| * 63 percent have a good sex life! |
| |
| If you're not satisfied, why? |
| Our busy schedule |
38% |
| Sexual inhibitions/dysfunction |
62% |
| Stress |
50% |
| Kids |
38% |
| Marriage troubles |
15% |
| Illness (me or spouse) |
13% |
| * Our sexual relationships are heavily influenced by other relationships. Only 20 percent of our readers with children living at home are "very satisfied" with their sex life, compared to 42 percent of those with no children, and 45 percent of those with kids living away from home. |
| |
| How often do you have sex? |
| Once a day |
5% |
| 2 or more times a week |
33% |
| Once a week |
18% |
| 2-3 times a month |
21% |
| Once a month |
9% |
| A few times a year |
7% |
| Sex? What's that? |
7% |
| |
| How satisfied are you with that frequency? |
| Very satisfied |
19% |
| Satisfied |
36% |
| Neutral |
20% |
| Dissatisfied |
20% |
| Very dissatisfied |
5% |
| |
| How satisfied is your spouse with that frequency? |
| Very satisfied |
16% |
| Satisfied |
38% |
| Neutral |
17% |
| Dissatisfied |
22% |
| Very dissatisfied |
7% |
| |
| If you could change it? |
| Make it more frequent! |
58% |
| Don't change it |
40% |
| Less frequent |
2% |
| * A higher frequency of good sex seems to be good for us. |
"More frequent sex in the relationship and more frequent orgasm for the female partner strongly increase emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure."—Edward O. Laumann and Robert T. Michael, authors of Sex, Love, and Health in America
|
| |
| Secrets of the O |
| Any inability to achieve orgasm? |
| Yes, me |
14% |
| Yes, my spouse |
13% |
| Yes, both |
8% |
| No |
65% |
| |
| How did you both deal with it? And if so, was that way successful? |
Discussed it together
It helped … |
76%
68% |
Took prescription remedies (i.e. Viagra)
It helped … |
29%
46% |
Sought professional help
It helped … |
18%
16% |
Took non-prescription remedies
It helped … |
6%
3% |
| |
| Sex Talk |
| How often do you and your spouse talk together about sex? |
| More than once a month |
48% |
| Once a month |
14% |
| A few times a year |
25% |
| Once a year |
7% |
| Never |
6% |
* When we talk about sex with our spouse, our chances for marital satisfaction improve.
Fifty-eight percent of readers who are "very satisfied" with their marriage talk with their spouse about sex more than once a month.
Seventy-one percent of readers who are "very satisfied" with their sex life talk with their spouse about sex more than once a month. |
| |
| Sex and the Church |
| How often does your pastor address sexuality or sexual temptation? |
| Several times a year |
28% |
| Once or twice a year |
36% |
| Less than once a year |
19% |
| Never |
7% |
| Don't really know |
6% |
| New to our church |
4% |
| |
| Do you want to hear more or less on sexual issues from your pastor? |
| More |
46% |
| Same |
42% |
| Less |
1% |
| Don't Know |
11% |
| * "Our culture is out of control sexually, and the church has a great opportunity to talk frankly and kindly about how we live as believers in such a culture"—Jenel Williams Paris, author of Birth Control for Christians |
| |
| Does your church offer an accountability group for sexual issues? |
| Yes |
20% |
| No |
60% |
| Don't Know |
20% |
| |
| On the Wild Side |
| Do you and your spouse have oral sex? |
| Did once |
5% |
| Did more than once |
38% |
| Do regularly |
40% |
| Have not done at all |
17% |
| |
| Do you and your spouse have anal sex? |
| Did once |
11% |
| Did more than once |
11% |
| Do regularly |
1% |
| Have not done at all |
77% |
| Do you and your spouse use pornography? |
| Did once |
10% |
| Did more than once |
15% |
| Do regularly |
1% |
| Have not done at all |
74% |
| |
| Do you and your spouse use sex "toys"? |
| Did once |
5% |
| Did more than once |
10% |
| Do regularly |
8% |
| Have not done at all |
77% |
* MP doesn't condone these activities but seeks to reflect readers' lives.
"The Bible explicitly calls some practices wrong. But some churches propagate false guilt about practices the Bible is neutral on: masturbation within the couple's lovemaking, oral sex, sex with the lights on. False guilt has no basis in biblical fact, perpetuates shame, and damages the marriage for years." —Shay Roop, author of For Women Only: God's Design for Female Sexuality and Intimacy |
| |
| Sexual Temptations |
| Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex ? |
| Yes |
18% |
| No, but I did in the past |
23% |
| No |
59% |
| |
| If no, is this a conscious choice to avoid potential emotional/sexual temptation? |
| Yes |
53% |
| No |
47% |
| |
| Have you ever fantasized about someone other than your spouse? |
| Once |
10% |
| More than once |
57% |
| No |
33% |
| |
| Do you talk to your spouse about any sexual temptations you experience? |
| Yes |
10% |
| Sometimes |
24% |
| No |
66% |
| |
| Have you ever committed adultery? |
| Yes, once |
6% |
| Yes, more than once |
4% |
| No |
90% |
| |
| If yes, why? |
| Physical attraction |
63% |
| Emotional attraction |
48% |
| Marital dissatisfaction |
48% |
| I was seduced |
19% |
| |
| Did your spouse find out? |
| I voluntarily confessed |
44% |
| I was found out |
16% |
| No |
40% |
| |
| If yes, what eventually happened? |
| Marriage improved |
87% |
| Other marriage difficulties |
17% |
| Separation |
13% |
| Nothing |
13% |
| Divorce |
10% |
| Lost job |
3% |
*"People who have had affairs and worked through them have had to do some serious soul searching and dealing with issues they have long denied.
"But when they do, they can get real and honest with their partner for the first time in their married life." —Shay Roop, Christian counselor and sex therapist |
| |
| Do you have someone—other than your spouse—with whom you can discuss sexual temptations? |
| Yes |
50% |
| No |
50% |
| |
| Was he or she helpful? |
| Yes |
96% |
| No |
4% |
| |
| Have you ever sought professional help for marital or sexual issues? |
| Yes |
35% |
| No |
65% |
| |
| Really Personal Info |
| How satisfied are you in your marriage? |
| Very satisfied |
57% |
| Satisfied |
28% |
| Neutral |
9% |
| Dissatisfied |
4% |
| Very dissatisfied |
2% |
| * Eighty-five percent of you like your marriage! |
| |
| How often do you and your spouse argue about sex? |
| More than once a month |
5% |
| Once a month |
7% |
| A few times a year |
29% |
| Once a year |
14% |
| Never |
45% |
| |
| Ever done anything sexually that made you feel guilty or ashamed? |
| Yes |
20% |
| No |
80% |
| |
| If yes, how did you handle the guilt? |
| Prayed about it |
67% |
| Sought biblical answers |
31% |
| Sought counseling |
16% |
| Stopped the practice |
58% |
| Talked with my spouse |
67% |
| Have done nothing about it |
2% |
| |
Cindy Crosby, an MP regular contributor, is author of By Willoway Brook: Exploring the Landscape of Prayer (Paraclete Press).
Copyright © 2004 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
Winter 2004, Vol. 21, No. 4, Page 48
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