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February 13, 2011

Dogma Tweets

For some reason, there are times I get a little goofy (pun intended) on Twitter. I tend to not take myself (or Twitter) to seriously. And, I think we can have have a little fun on Twitter from time to time. I recently responded with some Theological Roid Rage due to some medication and yesterday, the theology blurts started around a new topic.

If you "follow me" (hate that term, btw) on Twitter, you know that I am not a big fan of one of my dogs. It eats things it should not eat and leaves the remnants in places it should not leave them. And, it is always running away.

This morning, I threw up a tweet about not wanting to go find my dog when it ran away.

Since I hate my dog, must I chase it when it runs away? Seems it has free will. Who am I to force it to stay? #Arminianism

And, then for some inexplicable reason, I kept it going. (To be honest, the fact that some of you egged me on might have been a part of it.) I started with Arminian and Calvinist jokes, then had to deal with Hebrews 6 as any good theologian must (see the Calminian tweet). Then, it led to all sorts of things.

Here is the list:

Since I own my dog (& can't un-own), I have to relentlessly pursue, even though I'm not pleased w/ its actions. #Calvinism

Since my dog has tasted my food & been enlightened in my home, if it runs away, it shouldn't be able to return. #Calminian

If I really chose this dog, it would know my voice & return. The fact it left me, proves it was never of me. #Calvinism

Like all dogs in the world, mine has what it needs to make the right choice. #Arminianism // Why won't it?!

What I really need is a strategy to attract the dog. Lots of lights, music, and snacks. That will make it love me. #Seeker

If I could just sign my dog up for some obedience classes, then it would do what I say & I would accept it. #moralism

Maybe I could get in authentic community w/my dog, understand it's thoughts/hurts, & build a relational bridge. #missional

I could just keep the dog, let it do whatever it wants, expect no change, and it is still in the family. #antinomianism

I could just accept my dog's wrong actions & change my beliefs around its new view of morality. #MainlineProtestantism

Maybe I'm being harsh. As long as my dog does not drink beverage alcohol, everything else is forgivable. #baptists

Had fun with all the tweets today, but I'm running out of dogma tweets. ;-) Feel free to send suggestions.

It appears I offended one Arminian, two Mainliners, but not a single Calvinist (and it is usually the Calvinists that get mad).

But, as I requested, they started coming in... hundreds of them. Here are a few of the better ones that came in:

Joshua Sercey @joshuasercey

I bought a dog more to give it squeaky toys than for it to have a loving owner. #prosperitygospel

Andy King @thefatrat:

God hates dogs #Westboro

Brett Weaver @brettkweaver:

You should read "9 barks of a healthy dog" #markdever

John Howeth @JohnHoweth:

For my dog to be accepted into another family, he must eat & drink from their bowls & be dipped in their tub. #landmarkism

Scott Gamel, @PastorScott:

You can Have a New Dog by Friday... #KevinLeman

Josiah Solis @josiahsolis:

Your dog is stupid. #Driscoll

Michael Ray @emichaelray:

My dog must roll over 30 times and sit 40 times to get back in my good graces #Catholicism

Morgan Trotter @musicman707:

"All dogs" really only means some dogs. #ThoroughlyReformed

Nathan Blake @nathan_blake:

To be happy, a dog needs small, dedicated pack to run w/ instead of big puppy-mills only worried about profits. #housechurches

Doug Weaver @DougWeaver75

If God has willed my dog to come, he will come regardless of my efforts...so I'm not even calling him. #hypercalvinism

Aaron Davis @RevAaronDavis:

Jesus wants you to have your best dog now! #osteen


Don't look for the dog, just blog abt how it makes you feel & what you should do to find it. #seminarybloggers

Caleb Kaltenbach @calebwilds

I've prepared different options for my dog, but there's one I've chosen #middleknowledge

Stephen McAlpin @StephenMcAlpin

Perhaps we need a five-year moratorium on barking. Then in five years, if we have clarity from our masters, we'll speak. #emergent

Bobby Gourley @bobbygourley:

I bred the dog. Now it can feed itself & live on its own. I will just sit back & watch. #deism

Stevan Sheets @navets:

All dogs go to heaven. #Universalism


The dog, in running away, is actually pursuing the True Owner unknowingly. #inclusivism

Stephen Beck @beckstephen:

I'll bury in the ground a tablet telling the dog how he can one day be master of his own house, but in a secret language. #lds

Roger Mugs @rogermugs:

My dog, your hamster, his horse, her new shoes, dad's iphone, they're all just one of many possible pets #unitarian

Mitchell Chase @mitchellchase:

When I bought a dog to have as my own, I never knew it would end up leaving me! #opentheism

steve murrell @smurrell:

Why look for a lost dog in Nashville? Do you not care about all the lost dogs in Africa, India & China?

Sherwood D Graham @solydeoglorya:

A dyslexic evangelical who believes he should declare the whole counsel of dog?

And here are a few more I enjoyed since last night:

Justin Kirksey @JustinKirksey

I have thousands of statistics and books about how to find lost dogs and encourage others to do the same #lifeway

Andrew Turner @_Andrew_Turner

I love it when my dog raises it's paws or plays dead. #pentecostalism

Stephen Beck @beckstephen

What we need is to take a couple years and committee and debate how we can best use our money to save dogs everywhere. #gcr

Sean Muldowney @seanpatrickm

I just wrote an open letter to your dog to make him aware of his lack of obedience. I hope he comments on my blog. #TeamPyro

For the record, I did lose about 35 followers several of whom complained on the way out. I try not to take it too personally since the "offended" percentage seems reasonable. Though a small percentage, I will miss the 1/10th of 1% of my Twitter friends who left, and I hope you come back. All in all, that does not seem too bad for a day of odd overtweeting. ;-) I promise not to do this again for a while. It just came upon me suddenly!

But, if your humor does not offend someone, you are probably not very funny. (And, in case you are wondering, I lost more followers during Theological Roid Rage a few weeks ago.

The rest of you seemed to enjoy them so I am not listening to the angry tweets. (Update: turns out it is up to 50 "leavers" now-- and it might keep going up.) I like to think they left because of too many tweets rather than a lack of a sense of humor. Grin.

If you have more, feel free to share in the comments. For me, the #westboro one was my favorite though #driscoll was a close favorite.

I should add that the dog (regrettably) returned right after the first tweet... but why let the facts get in the way of some fun tweets?

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