
Chronically Wounded and Needy
Mathew Woodley | posted 4/01/1997
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For the third time in a week, Ed Hastings burst into my office with a health
crisis-only this time, it was really serious. He threw his arms around me
and began to weep. "Pastor Matt," he choked, "you better start planning my
funeral. I think I have AIDS."
As it turned out, Ed had never engaged in high-risk behavior nor been tested
for aids. It was simply Ed's way to up the ante on his personal problems.
So as he clung to me, sobbing and shaking, I began to mentally list his other
ailments. Over the past seven years, Ed had called the Mercy Ambulance crew
for a half dozen alleged heart attacks (one during a worship service), two
cases of dehydration (he forgot to drink), an ulcer, and a possible hernia
(it was just a pulled groin muscle). I also recalled my tri-weekly sessions
to deal with Ed's depression, addictions (including pot, sex, alcohol,
prescription drugs-to date), suicidal thoughts, relational crises, employment
struggles, family problems.
For six years I had pastored Ed through every crisis, praying with him in
countless hospitals and emergency rooms. But his "AIDS crisis"
was the last straw. I finally realized that Ed's soul functioned like a sieve:
the more I poured in, the more he leaked out. After dozens of crisis counseling
sessions, Ed was still looking to me to fill him up, and my arm was weary
from pouring.
Ed represents a growing subgroup in our increasingly dysfunctional society.
Carl George calls them EGRs-the Extra-Grace-Required parishioners.
Gordon MacDonald prefers VDPs-Very Draining People. I like
CWN—the Chronically Wounded and Needy parishioner.
Who are CWNs?
Like Ed, every CWN is, first, deeply wounded. Often tramautized
by abuse, abandonment, or family dysfunction, CWNs limp through
life. Their wounds are real, though they develop self-defeating methods to
seek healing.
Second, CWN parishioners exude neediness. They are often clear
about who can cure their neediness-the pastor, who is friend, guru, and handy
therapist. So they hang around church. They cling. If ignored, they may pout
or perhaps create a new crisis-anything to get the focus back on their needs.
Third, this is usually a chronic condition. There is no quick fix-a fact
I have often failed to appreciate. Instead, I have thrown myself into fixing
a schizophrenic young mother, a transvestite father of three, a teenager
with fetal alcohol syndrome, a young woman with borderline personality disorder,
and, of course, Ed the hypochondriac. But after emptying my bag of pastoral
tools, most of these people were still wounded and broken.
By demanding so much and giving so little, people like Ed leave their pastors-and
often the church-feeling confused, tired, and frustrated. How can we minister
to the chronically wounded and needy without feeling chronically tired and
used up?
Practice Christlike acceptance
CWNs burn up pastoral fuel and then press harder on the
accelerator. It's easy to resent their presence. Healthier church members
often gossip or gripe about CWNs. "Remember, Pastor," a pillar
of the church sternly warned me, "that element (referring to a few
CWNs) doesn't pay the bills around here."
But I can't imagine Jesus gossiping about those chronically wounded lepers
or griping about that incredibly needy Gerasene demoniac. Christ accepted
them. He touched them. He healed them. True, Jesus spent only a minority
of his time with the chronically needy, but there was space in his schedule
for some powerful ministry encounters with CWNs. Jesus never
anesthetized his heart to the hurt that surrounded him.
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